I Remember You
by Drizl
Summary: Three months after Bella is sent to Forks, she finds herself back in Phoenix. The thing is she can't remember those 3 months. A year and a half later, Bella and her best friend Alice are off to Portland to start a new life or will Bella find her old life.
1. Chapter 1

I Remember You

Okay, this is my first try at this interesting writing genre ~ I'm sorta a techtard too, so if things get freaky...Sorry...I admit I don't really now what the hell I'm doing...

Thanks To S. Meyer for creating these wonderful characters. I just don't think she let them have enough fun.

* * *

Chapter One

Bella

I tossed that stupid graduation cap in the air because everyone else did it and at the moment, it seemed to be the thing to do. I was just glad that it was over. High school was over and I could finally leave Phoenix and my lunatic mother. I loved her dearly, but let's face it, she could drive a person nuts.

She hovered all the time. Day and night. She freaked about all my friends, my boyfriends (which were few and far between), even my acquaintances. If I talked to the guy who worked at the grocery store she immediately thought I was having an illicit affair with him. If I waved at anyone, there was always an ulterior motive. Perhaps I was planning to sneak out later that evening and oh, I don't know, fuck the crap out of him. That's what she made me feel like sometimes.

I had no idea why Renee acted like this. I tried to ask her why she didn't trust me or anyone, but she wouldn't come clean with me. It was always the same standard answer; I almost lost you once, Bella, I'm not going through that again. But now, none of that mattered, because I was graduating from high school. I had been accepted at Oregon State University and in three weeks I was out of here. My best friend, Alice Brandon and I were going up there early, to try and find jobs. Portland, Oregon was calling my name and I just wanted to get the hell out of here. For once in my life, there was absolutely nothing my mother could do about it.

She had called Charlie, my dad, begging him to talk to me. She wanted him to convince me to stay in Phoenix and attend ASU. Charlie told her it was time to let me go. I was an adult and should be allowed to make my own decisions. Charlie did not agree with my decision to attend OSU, but he gave up after I insisted it was were I was going. I had a scholarship, a place to live and plans for my life. A new Bella was emerging. The matter was closed for discussion.

My mother hadn't always been a nut. Two years ago, she had remarried and decided she wanted to go on the road with her new husband, Phil. Phil was a wanna-be minor league baseball player who went from team to team chasing his dream. My mother wanted to chase after him, so she had sent me up to live with Charlie, in Forks, Washington. I don't remember anything from the three months I spent there. I remember boarding the plane, dreading every moment I was going to be in this cold, wet place and then next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital back in sunny Phoenix.

My mother told me there had been an accident in the parking lot at the school. It was an icy day and a car driven by a student had careened out of control and hit me. Just my luck. I'd smashed my head on the parking lot and well, my mother freaked and brought me back to Phoenix or so they told me. I couldn't understand why I didn't remember anything from the accident or the three months I had been in Forks. The doctors used all sorts of excuses, telling me it was because I was stressed. I felt like someone had erased those memories.

The fucking weirdo dreams had started up immediately after my release from the hospital. I didn't tell anyone, well, anyone except Alice, about the dreams. They haunted me, even my waking hours. Every stinking night they came, regardless of how much I tried to keep them away. Alice and I had tried drinking, staying up for days until I could barely function anymore, and drugs. We tried smoking pot but that just intensified the dreams and made me paranoid. I started to think someone was following me. Plus I was always hungry. The sleeping pills didn't work at all. The dream just forced its way around them and to make matters worse, Alice couldn't wake me up. I guess I had screamed for twenty minutes before she was able to break through and get me to open my eyes.

"Hey Bella," Alice yelled, interrupting my thoughts.

I waved at my best friend in the entire world as I bent down to pick up my discarded grad cap. "Hey Alice."

"Just think in three weeks, we'll be out of here," she giggled, running her hand through her short dark hair.

"I know I can't wait!" I really was excited. Maybe starting over in a new place would change my life. Maybe the dreams would disappear.

"So, what are you planning on wearing to Victoria's party tonight," Alice asked.

"I haven't given it much thought," I said. I really wasn't interested in going to the party.

"Bella," my mother called out.

"Look Alice, I have to go with Renee for a little bit. I'll text you when I'm ready. Okay."

Alice smiled, gave Renee a quick hug and disappeared into the sea of celebrating kids.

Renee pulled me into a hug.

"Bella, I'm so proud of you."

I grinned at her trying to keep things light. I could tell, under her forced smile, Renee was really tense. I was waiting for the 'you are not going to leave' talk, but it never came. Renee was silent all the way back to our house. She managed to stay quiet until I took my grad gown off and dropped the mortarboard on the table.

"Bella."

"Mom, please don't."

"But..."

"I mean it Renee. We are not having this conversation. My mind is made up. It's my life and I'm going to start living it. What happened in the past is going to stay in the past. I can't remember anything anyway," I snapped.

"I just wish you would reconsider, I mean ASU is a really good school. I heard it made the top ten party schools again."

She did not just say that, did she?

"Renee, Alice and I are leaving. We've already signed a lease and everything. Alice's cousin, Rosalie, is expecting us."

"I'm cannot believe you are running off with Alice Brandon," Renee snorted.

"What is your problem. Alice is a good person. I'm so sick of all this," I yelled.

"Bella," Renee snapped.

"No, Mom, enough. I've got to get ready. Alice is going to pick me up. I'm going over to Victoria's for the grad party and then I'm staying with Alice."

I heard the front door open and slam shut. Phil was home from a very long road trip. He walked into the living room and stared at both of us. I'm sure he could feel the tension that filled the entire house.

He cleared his throat and gave me a huge bear hug. "Bella, congratulations!"

"Er, thanks Phil," I said, pulling away from him. "I'm going to change clothes."

I walked out of the room, listening to Phil chastise my mother, telling her I was an adult and it was time to let me go. I giggled bcause it was the exact same words Charlie had used on her. I wondered if the two of them had been talking. But I had to give Phil credit. I didn't have to say why I was upset, he automatically knew what was going on. I heard Phil tell my mother she would now be able to go on the road with him and then he was telling her about the house he had found in Jacksonville, Florida. Renee actually sounded excited. All that was fine with me, maybe it would help her focus on something else besides me.

I sent Alice a quick text and quickly changed clothes. I needed to get out of here. I pulled on a black skirt and pink camisole. I ran a brush through my long hair and pulled it up into a ponytail. I freshened up my make-up and ran outside to wait for Alice.

"Bella." My mother came outside and stood next to me.

"What is it Renee."I didn't know how much more of her I could take today.

"I am sorry. It's just hard for me to think of you as all grown up and able to take care of yourself."

"I know Mom, but I am and it's time for you to let me find my own way."

"You're right."

I am? Shit, what had Phil said to my mother? I needed to thank him.

"Thanks, Mom," I stammered.

"Just be careful Bella."

"I always am Mom."

Alice pulled up. My mother gave my hand a quick squeeze before I jumped into Alice's car.

"What was that all about," Alice asked.

"I have no idea, but I think Renee just gave me her blessing to leave. I think Phil said something to her."

"Wow! So, are you going to hook up with anyone tonight?"

"No, there's no one I'm really interested in and besides we're are out of her in a few weeks. I wouldn't want to get attached to anyone and then have to break it off."

"Yeah, you're right, besides I'm ready for some fresh meat anyway," Alice said, rolling her eyes.

Several hours and many cocktails later. Alice and I called a cab and rode back to her house. We stumbled into her bedroom.

"Just think, Bells, in three weeks we'll be in our own apartment away from this godforsaken city. Things will be better for both of us. Don't you think?"

I shrugged my shoulders and crawled into bed. I was really tired and truthfully, a little drunk and I wasn't up for a long talk with Alice. I just wanted to go to sleep.

"You aren't going to have freaky ass dreams tonight are you," Alice asked, narrowing her eyes at me.

"How would I know, I can't control them."

"Aw, Bells, I'm just kidding. I'm used to them anyway. I don't think I would know what to do if you didn't have creepy dreams."

The thing was the dreams always came and they were always the same. Maybe it wouldn't come tonight. Yeah right! I grabbed my Ipod, jammed my ear buds in, selected my most depressing playlist and closed my eyes. Within minutes I was sleeping. The dream came upon me suddenly, but it started out the same. Those haunting green eyes staring at me, following me everywhere I went.

"_Isabella..." _my name echoed in my head. That voice, that silky smooth voice. I had heard it before, but where?_ "Isabella..." _

The dream opened up and I was in a cold, damp place, lots of green. No sun, ever. I could feel him watching me. He was tall, lanky, with long lean muscle, but tonight I couldn't see him. I just heard the voice.

"_Isabella, come home...I need you...I'm sorry...I miss you...What did I do?" _

His voice was agonzing. I could hear and feel the pain in it.

_"_Where are you. I can't find you." I scrambled around, chasing in circles, trying to find the voice. _"_Where are you,"I called out again, but the voice was silent and I was left crying in the woods.

I sat straight up, gasping for air. I felt like a part of me was missing. I clutched at my chest, poking myself. It felt like there was a giant gaping hole. Jesus Christ I was losing my fucking mind. I glanced across the room. Thankfully, Alice was still sleeping. Her even breathing was a comfort. I lay back down and started counting each breath. Those stupid green eyes floated through my mind again, taunting me. I closed my eyes and fell back to sleep.

This time he was waiting for me, like he expected me to show up again. The green eyes just staring at me. Seeing him made my stomach clench into knots. Only thing was, I couldn't really see him. I mean he wasn't a ghost or anything, but his face was always hidden in my dreams. Most of the time he had a sweatshirt on with the hood up, obscuring his face. Believe me, I've tried to get that hood down but I have never been successful. It was rather annoying.

And then the dream changed again. He was coming at me. Walking, or floating. I don't really know, but it took my breath away. He held out his hand for me to take. I had never been this close to him in my dream before. It was intoxicating or maybe it was me who was intoxicated.

"_Do you trust me Isabella?" _

"Yes,"I whispered_._

_"You shouldn't, but I need you luv, please." _

You shouldn't? But he needed me. It was a plea and it made my heart hurt.

I could hear music. I was still half asleep when I realized the music was coming from my Ipod. It was an unfamiliar song with haunting lyrics and I had not put it on my playlist. Fuck me...What next?

* * *

_Here by Me : 3 Doors Down_

_I hope you're doing fine __without me_

_'Cause I'm not doing so good without you_

_The things I thought you'd never know about me_

_Were the things I guess you always understood_

_So how could I have been so blind for all these years? _

_Guess I only see the truth through all this fear_

_And living without you, and everything I had in this world_

_And all that I'll ever be, it could all fall down around me_

_Just as long as I have you right here by me_

_I can't take another day without you_

_'Cause baby, I could never make it on my own_

_I've been waiting so long just to hold you_

_And to be back in your arms where I belong_

_Sorry I can't always find the words to say_

_But everything I've ever known gets swept away_

_Inside of your love and everything I had in this world_

_And all that I'll ever be, it could all fall down around me_

_Just as long as I have you right here by me_

_As the days grow long I see_

_That time is standing still for me_

_When you're not here_

_Sorry i can't always find the words to say_

_Everything I've ever known gets swept away_

_Inside of your love and everything I had in this world_

_And all that I'll ever be, it could all fall down around me_

_Just as long as I have you right here by me_

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So I'm ready...let's hear it...if anyone reads this, please leave a review. I promise I will post regular chapter updates. I know how it is to wait forever for an update. It can drive a person insane. And don't worry the Major Lemons are coming!


	2. Chapter 2 Moving Forward

**These characters are not mine. Stephenie Meyer gets that credit. **

**But we can still have some fun with them.**

**Please let me know what you think of this story. Reviews are appreciated and helpful. **

**I'm having a good time writing it and don't worry Chapter 3 brings Edward into the mix and along with Edward comes the lemons. **

**Bring on the lemonade!**

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Chapter 2

Moving Forward

**Bella**

I peeked out of the front window. Alice was running around the car checking the tires (I'm not really sure why she was doing this because I don't think she knew how to put air in them) and making sure we had all our bags securely in place. Alice was extremely paranoid we would forget a pair of shoes or something.

Phil was under the hood, looking at the dipstick. I guess the correct amount of oil was very important to keep the car functioning at an optimum level.

My mother was standing on the steps staring at the giant saguaro that occupied our front yard. I was almost scared to go talk to her. We had spent the last three weeks avoiding talking about this moment and now it was here, looking us right in the face. As much as I wanted to leave, I didn't like hurting her.

I stepped out of the house into the bright sunlight and heat that was Phoenix. God it was fucking hot outside today.

"Mom," I said quietly.

"Are you ready to go," she asked.

"Yep," I said quickly, avoiding her eyes.

"I'm not going to lecture you, honey. Just be safe and try to meet a nice boy."

I wanted to ask her what the hell that was supposed to mean. All the boys I had ever dated had been safe, nice boys. She wouldn't let me near any of the other ones.

Renee hugged me and disappeared into the house before I could say anything else. Maybe it was better this way, easier for her, and for me too.

"All set, Bells," Phil asked as he slammed the hood shut.

"I'll call when we get to Portland," I said as I jumped into the passenger seat.

Phil leaned through the window and shoved a wad of bills into my hand.

"Just in case," he said.

I smiled at him and buckled my seat belt, waving frantically to Phil, and my mother if she was still watching. And perhaps, to my old life.

"Can you believe it," Alice squealed. "We are finally getting the hell out of here."

"You know, Alice, I won't believe anything until we're sitting in our new apartment in Portland. Only then will I be able to relax. I keep thinking Renee is going to chase me down, club me over the head and drag me back here."

Alice laughed. "You ready?"

"If you only knew how ready I was!"

I didn't turn around to watch as the house disappeared, instead I kept my eyes firmly focused on the horizon. I was looking ahead now. There was nothing in back of me I wanted to look at.

Several hours into the drive Alice turned serious on me.

"Bella, do you remember anything from those three months you were gone?"

"No. Uh, why are you asking."

"I don't know. I guess I've never asked before and you never talk about it," she replied. "You really don't remember anything?"

"I can I talk about something that isn't there? My mind is like a blank slate when I try to think about Forks. I know I emailed you when I was gone. Did I ever say anything to you?"

"Not much. You were always very vague about everything, including the boys you dated."

"I don't remember them."

You know, Bella, we could take a side trip up to Forks before we go to Portland."

"Naw, that's all in the past and I'm all about moving forward. Besides you were with me when we Googled Forks. Nothing even looked familiar. I am not going to remember anything. Maybe there is nothing to remember."

"You're right Bella. Our new life is in Portland. Rose is so excited. She already has a list of guys that we have to meet."

I groaned and decided to turn up the radio. I hated getting set up. Rose and Alice had promised me there would be no blind dates, casual bump-ins or anything else that involved forcing me into meeting guys. I wanted to get settled into my new life before I added anyone else into it.

The road stretched on forever. We took turns driving, not really wanting to stop. Preserving what little money we had was pretty important, so staying in hotels was not at the top of our list.

The landscape slowly began to change from desert into forest. Brown slowly turned to green.

We were a day and half into the trip and I was exhausted. We had been surviving on caffeine and sugar. Plus I was scared to sleep. Over the past three weeks my dreams had become more disturbing and I didn't feel like having one in front of Alice.

"Bella, take a nap," Alice said. "I'll be fine."

I groaned. I didn't have any fight left in me. I really wanted to close my eyes, just for a few minutes. I'm sure I would be fine if I just took a short nap.

"Okay, but don't let me sleep too long. I don't want to miss anything and if you start to feel tired, give me a shake."

"Whatever Bells, just close your eyes."

I leaned back in the seat and Alice turned the radio up. I listened for a few minutes as she sang along with Matt Nathanson.

I think the song's title was _Falling Apart_

Ain't that the truth. Sing it Matt and Alice.

_Maybe it's because I'm crazy_

_Or maybe it's because I just can't_

_Honestly __tell you what I want _

_It's never enough t__o stay still and hold you_

_To break lose and run t__he taste of you_

_Wild on my tongue. _

I should have fucking stayed awake.

Someone's hand was on my cheek, softly caressing my face. I tried to open my eyes, but the touch was so gentle. It felt so good, so familiar. Home.

His fingers traced my lips. My tongue darted out and I touched the tip of his finger. I felt him shudder. He ran his fingers over my lips again. This time I caught his finger between my lips, sucking on it like a lollipop.

My God, how could someone taste so good. He moaned.

My whole body reacted to that noise. I wanted to taste more than his finger. I reached up, searching for him but there was nothing but cold air.

My eyes popped open. I was leaning up against a tree, alone and very chilly. I frantically looked around for any sign that he was here but I saw nothing but trees.

"This isn't happening. It's just a dream. It's not real," I whimpered. I punched the tree and banged my forehead against its trunk. I was taking my anger out on a poor defenseless tree.

Suddenly the forest fell out from under me. Someone was screaming my name. Shouting for me to get out of the way, but I couldn't move. I thought I saw him, off in the distance. Someone or something was keeping him from me, holding him back. Everything was moving in slow motion. More people were screaming. He was screaming or was that me screaming and then everything went black.

The scene shifted again. I could hear loud voices coming from out in the hallway. I smelled cleaning solution, maybe bleach. It smelled sterile like a hospital.

Every single bone in my body ached and I had the headache from hell. I must be in the hospital. Boy my deductive reasoning was beyond brilliant.

Fuck, my head hurt so bad I couldn't think straight. I fumbled around, trying to feel if he was here.

Where was he? He was supposed to be here. Where the fuck was he?

"_She's agitated. Give her something. Make her forget! She can't remember. You fucking gave me your word nothing would happen to her if I let her see him and now look at her."_

That voice. It sounded like Charlie and he was really upset.

What the hell was going on?

"_He wants to see her." _Another voice. It was familiar but I couldn't place it.

"_No, you tell him,NO! He's not allowed anywhere near her. And I want her to forget everything. She cannot remember any of this. I will not allow this to fucking continue. As soon as she is strong enough to be moved, I'm sending her back to Phoenix. But until then, you keep him the fuck away from her. Use whatever fucking means you have to!" _

Charlie was really upset. He rarely swore and in that rant he had said fuck several times. He was definitely pissed.

Why wasn't he going to let me see him? Did he say he was sending me back to Phoenix? There was no way that was ever going to happen. He would never let me go and I couldn't survive without him.

He was out in the hallway. I could feel his presence. I whimpered and tried to call out to him, but he never came. For days I waited for him, but the only visitors I had were the nurses and doctors who were

tending to my injuries.

"_Charlie, please let me see him. I'll die without him. I can't live without him. He is everything to me." _

"_He doesn't want to see you anymore Bella. He's gone. Obviously, you didn't mean that much to him." _

"_You're lying. He would never leave." _

Someone handed me an envelope. I ripped it open. It was from him. A dear Bella note. I read the last line. It said something about I'm sorry for leading you on. I can't pretend anymore. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Fucking goodbye. This was all I got, a stupid note telling me it was a mistake. I crumpled the piece of paper into a small ball.

"_No, no, no..." _

"Bella, Bella!"

Someone was calling my name, shaking me.

"Bella, please wake up. You're scaring me," Alice shouted.

"Quit yelling at me," I said, pushing her away from me.

"Oh thank God," she sighed.

I opened my eyes. Her face was about two inches from mine.

"Jeez, Alice you look like shit."

"Fuck you, Bella," she ran her hands through her hair and moved away from me. She looked visibly shaken.

"Where are we?"

"At a fucking rest stop. Bella are you okay."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"Why? You were screaming your head off. I think the guy in that car over there thought I was killing you. Could you give him a little wave before he calls the cops."

I looked out the car window. Several people were gaping and pointing at us. I smiled and waved. The crowd began to disperse. They seemed disappointed the show was over.

I was exhausted. Sleeping was fucking tough work.

I glanced over at Alice. She was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles were white.

"Alice, are you okay?"

"No, I think you're going to have to drive."

I opened my door and walked around the car. Several people pointed at me again. I felt like flipping them off, but I settled on waving at them again. Jeez, what the hell was everyone so uptight about? I had just been dreaming. It couldn't have been that bad, right?

I opened the driver's door. Alice still had a death grip on the steering wheel. I gently pried her fingers off and helped her out of the car.

"Alice, are you sure you're okay?"

"I have never heard anyone scream like that before. It really did sound like you were dying and then when I touched you."

Alice started hyperventilating.

"Alice you're freaking me out. Please calm down and talk to me."

"Right," she said and slid down the side of the car.

"What happened," I asked. I was getting ready to join her on the ground. "Alice? I don't know what to do?"

She took a deep breath and let the air out of her lungs very slowly. Some color was coming back into her cheeks, so she didn't look like death anymore.

She reached up and used the car to help her stand. I held out my hand but she shrugged me away.

I followed her and opened the passenger door. She climbed in and collapsed into the seat. She laid her head back, closing her eyes.

Once I was situated in the driver's seat, I turned to look at her again. She still didn't look like she was totally stable. She looked a little green. If she barfed...

"Alice, talk to me," I begged.

"I don't know what to say."

"Tell me what happened?"

"Were you dreaming," she snapped.

"Yes," I stammered.

"About what," she asked.

"I don't know, a hospital and people yelling," I answered.

For several minutes Alice said nothing. She stared out the window, chewing on a strand of her hair.

"Bella, who's Edward?"

Edward. Edward? I searched the archives of my brain but came up empty.

"I don't know anyone named Edward."

Alice exhaled.

"Look, Bella, we've only got a few more hours before we get to Portland. Let's just go. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

She turned away from me, resting her cheek against the window and closed her eyes.

I shrugged my shoulders and started up the car.

I did not know anyone named Edward. One thing I did know though, was that Alice was hiding something from me.

About two hours out of Portland it started raining, not hard, just enough to be annoying. I told myself to get used to it. This was not Phoenix. It actually rained here and it was very fucking green. Don't think about green eyes, er I mean the color green.

* * *

Falling Apart ~ Matt Nathanson

_Maybe it's because I'm crazy_

_Or maybe it's because I just can't _

_Honestly tell you what I want _

_It's never enough to stay still and hold you,_

_To break lose and run the taste of you, _

_Wild on my tongue_

_Chorus:_

_Am I no good to you now_

_Am I no good to you now_

_Whoa-oh Whoa-oh Whoa-oh_

_We're spilling over_

_Whoa-oh Whoa-oh Whoa-oh_

_We're falling apart_

_Spent my days with doctors,_

_And my nights with crooks_

_All of them who sell me for a song_

_So I'm here_

_Safe dear_

_A fiction in your arms_

_Chorus_

_So get me out_

_Start me over_

_Forever changed_

_I should have told you_

_Whoa-oh Whoa-oh Whoa-oh_

_I'm falling apart_

_Cause all I say_

_It doesn't matter anyway_

_All I say,_

_It doesn't matter anyway_

_I'm giving up_

_So call my bluff_

_Cause I just need to be reminded who I am_

_Chorus_

_I'm giving up_

_Starting over_

_I wanna be,_

_I wanna hold you_

_Whoa-oh Whoa-oh Whoa-oh_

_We're falling apart_

_So wanna be loved_

_So wanna be loved_

_So come on now _

_Come on love_


	3. Chapter 3 Standing Still

**Steph owns everything...I'm just letting her characters live a spicier life **

**Orginally Chapters 2 and 3 were together so I figured I'd just put the 3rd one up**

**Is anyone reading this? I think I sound like I'm begging for reviews...I am...please say something, anything**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**Standing Still**

**Edward **~

"Hey asshole, get up," Emmett yelled, jumping on the bed. "We've got stuff to do."

"Get the fuck out," I shouted, shoving my ape of an older brother off my bed.

Did he always have to invade my space?

The woman next to me stirred.

"Hey." I bumped her. "Rise and shine, honey. It's time to get the fuck out of my bed."

She groaned and opened her eyes. At first she had a blank look in her eyes, like she was trying to process exactly where she was. And then she glared at me. I guess she realized I wasn't going to be her knight in shining armour.

I was used to the cold stares in the morning. I shrugged my shoulders as she climbed out of my bed. I couldn't remember her fucking name.

"Do you need a ride home," I asked. Even though I wasn't offering roses and candy, I would always give them a ride home.

"No, but I need a shirt. You seemed to have ripped mine to shreds," she growled.

What the hell was her name?

"Fine," I said, climbing out of bed. "Help yourself."

I grabbed a pair of boxers from the dresser, leaving the drawer open so she could grab a shirt. She was lucky I wasn't hungry or I wouldn't have let her go so easily. A morning snack was always a good way to start the day.

I walked out into the living room.

"So, how was your evening sugar pop? She didn't look too pleased with you," Emmett laughed.

I sat down on the couch and flipped the TV on.

"Yeah, well, besides the fact that I can't remember her fucking name, everything else was satisfactory. She was a fair fuck but she had some mighty sweet blood," I said baring my fangs at him.

Emmett cleared his throat when she walked out of my bedroom. I snapped my mouth shut.

She was wearing a tiny black t-shirt. I felt the growl welling up in my throat, my hands clenched into fists and my jaw locked down.

"Take it off. Take it fucking off," I spit at her.

"What the hell is your problem," she hissed.

"Just give me that fucking shirt."

I was on my feet, charging toward her. If she didn't take it off, I would rip it off her.

Emmett's hand wrapped around my arm, stopping me before I reached her. She had backed up against the wall.

"Edward, calm down. I'll take care of it," Emmett said.

He walked over to the woman, took her by the arm and led her into his bedroom. A few minutes later, she came out dressed in his gray t-shirt.

I could see the little black one balled up in Emmett's fist.

Emmett ushered the woman toward the door. I watched as the front door opened and my other brother stepped through the door. He almost banged into the woman.

Jasper tipped his hat and winked at the woman.

"You guys are fucking nuts," she snapped and disappeared out of my life forever.

"One of yours, Edward," Jasper asked as he tossed his hat at me.

"Jasper," Emmett hissed and shot him a warning glance. I was still pretty jacked up.

Emmett walked over to me and handed me the t-shirt. I cradled it in my hand like it was made of fine crystal.

"Not that shit again," Jasper groaned.

"Drop it," I said through clenched teeth. I didn't want to fucking talk about it. I know it was fucking stupid, but I wasn't ready to let it go yet.

I walked out of the living room leaving my brothers arguing with one another.

I sat down on my bed, fingering the black cotton t-shirt. I felt myself getting hard. This was fucking sick. She had been gone for almost two years and touching her t-shirt still made me hard.

What the hell was wrong with me. I was Edward fucking Cullen for Christ sakes. I didn't have any trouble getting laid. Hell none of us Cullen boys had any trouble getting a girl in our bed.

And yet, here I was fondling a fucking t-shirt from a girl who left me two years ago. Why couldn't I let her go?

"Because, you fucking dickhead, she was the one. The one who's blood sang to you. Her whole fucking body sang to you. It was like a goddamn symphony."

I groaned out loud. My dick was so fucking hard right now, it was beginning to hurt. I stumbled into my bathroom and slammed the fucking door, turning on the shower and pushing play on my Idock.

The fucking song that came on made me want to rip the machine off the wall. If I was going to dredge up the past, I was going to do it right.

I hit stop, scrolled to my Muse play-list, stripped off my clothes and stepped in the shower. I noticed I was still clutching that stupid black t-shirt. I tossed it on the floor.

"_He's playing Muse again," _Emmett said.

"_No shit, you'd have to be deaf not to hear it," _Jasper grumbled.

"_I thought he was over her." _

"_Obviously, we were wrong," Jasper said. _

I shut them out of my head. God that could be an irritating gift. Thankfully, it was as easy to shut them out as it was to let them in.

I fucking wanted to get this over with. The music filled the small bathroom and ran into me. This was my 'I fucking need to cum to get her out of me', music. I leaned over, placing one hand on the cool tile of the shower wall. I grasped my throbbing dick and let the memory of her wash over me.

Brown chocolate eyes, long curly dark hair, silky white skin and blood that tasted like pure lust. Fuck my dick was so hard I think I could probably fucking cut glass with it.

The music forced me to remember more.

I could feel her hands on my chest, exploring. The warmth from her skin burned into me. I groaned and tried to shove the memory away, but it grabbed my hand and pulled me in.

She surprised me by following me home after school one day. I heard the small knock on my bedroom door and thought it was Emmett or Jasper coming to give me shit because they found out I had a human girlfriend. I yanked the door open, ready to tell them to fuck off. Instead it was her, greeting me with a small, shy smile. I almost fell over.

"Your mom let me in," she said, letting her hair drop over her red stained cheeks.

I couldn't believe she was here. She was one brave human showing up at a house filled with vampires. Okay, I guess she didn't actually know she was at a vampire's house, but man, she shocked the hell out of me.

I was standing in my doorway staring at her like a fucking idiot, so she pushed her way into my room.

"Wow, this is a really cool room. What are you listening to?"

I finally found my voice. "Uh, Muse."

"I really like it. Maybe you could burn me a CD. I mean, you know, if you have time."

She sat down on my bed and smiled at me.

Jesus Christ if she only knew what I liked to do while listening to Muse. Fuck me.

There was several minutes of uncomfortable silence. I was trying to be cool and hold things together. Her scent was driving me wild and I needed a diversion. Maybe talking about school would clear my head of all the lustful thoughts that were banging around.

"Er, so did you finish the Biology homework yet?"

"You're asking me about homework?"

"I guess so," I mumbled.

Jesusfuckingchrist, she must think I'm a complete moron. I started pacing around the room. Nothing was working for me today. I was actually surprised she hadn't left yet.

She reached out and grabbed my arm. Her warm touch made me stop dead in my tracks.

She pulled me down on the bed, so I was sitting next to her. Holy shit.

"What is wrong with you?"

Was she kidding me? How could she not know? She was in my bedroom, sitting on my bed and now she was fucking touching me. I was going to fucking pass out. Was that even possible for a vampire?

I sat down and stared up at the ceiling. It was a nice ceiling. Fuck.

"Maybe I should leave," she said quietly.

"No, don't go," I pleaded. "I'm sorry, I just wasn't expecting you to show up, er here."

She stared at me with those soulful brown eyes. I wanted to push her back on the bed and fucking devour her, in more ways than one.

"I've never met anyone like you before," she said.

I snorted. No, honey, you have not. Not even in your wildest dreams. I only appear in nightmares.

"But I'm not scared of you," she murmured.

What? Not scared of me? Did she know something?

I was trying not to panic.

Had I given myself away? My mind raced back over our conversations, but nothing stuck out. I had not made any glaring mistakes. I had covered my tracks perfectly.

She moved up against me. My whole body tensed as I tried desperately not to fly across the room to get away from her.

Her hand was still on my arm. The heat from her skin was making it impossible for me to think. I could feel the buttons of my jeans pressing into my dick. Fuck, I was getting a hard-on. I crossed my legs and tried not to groan.

This was fucking torture. I couldn't move and then I felt her hand on my thigh moving up toward my...fuck, I wasn't ready for this. She was going to touch me and I was going to fucking cum in my pants. I moved away from her so fast that she almost did a face plant on my bed.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"Fuck," I hissed and ran my hand through my hair.

"I just thought...I have to go," she said.

She was about to grab the doorknob when I lost my fucking mind. I couldn't let her leave. I leaped in front of her and pulled her into my arms. My fingers tangled in her hair. I tilted her head and fucking kissed her. She moaned into my mouth and I fucking came in my pants.

"No, No, No!!!" I shouted and punched the shower wall.

I couldn't do this anymore. That fucking guy was gone. She was gone and she needed to stay hidden away. I couldn't bring her out anymore. It fucking ripped me apart. It was over, as in never again.

"Just finish it," I growled.

I gripped my dick harder, slowly running my hand up and down the shaft. I could feel the pre-cum leaking, so I used it for lubricant. It enabled me to increase the pressure and speed.

I felt it building in me, the warmth that emanated through my abdomen slowly spreading to the rest of my body. I wanted to fucking scream out her name, to be rid of her forever.

And then I came, hard and fast. It almost brought me to my knees.

Jesus Christ, did I fucking chip the tile with that release?

Fuck. I growled and finished up my wank slash shower. I was still fucking agitated.

I was going to leave her t-shirt crumpled on the floor, but I reached down and picked it up. Before I knew what was going on, I was getting hard again.

It was going to be a shitty day.

* * *

_**Our Time is Running Out ~ Muse**_

_I think I'm drowning_

_Asphyxiating_

_I wanna break the spell_

_That you've created_

_You're something beautiful_

_A contradiction_

_I wanna play the game _

_I want the friction_

_You will be _

_The death of me_

_Yeah, you will be _

_The death of me_

_Bury it_

_I won't let you bury it_

_I won't let you smother it_

_I won't let you murder it_

_And our time is running out_

_And our time is running out_

_Can't push it under ground_

_Can't stop it screaming out_

_I wanted freedom _

_Bounded and restricted_

_I tried to give you up_

_But I'm addicted_

_Now that you know I'm trapped_

_Sense of elation_

_You'd never dream of breaking this fixation_

_You will squeeze the life out of me_

_Bury it _

_I won't let you bury it_

_I won't let you smother it_

_I won't let you murder it_

_And our time is running out_

_And our time is running out_

_You can't push it underground_

_You can't stop it screaming out_

_How did it come to this? _

_And you will suck the life out of me_

_Bury it_

_I won't let you bury it_

_I won't let you smother it_

_I won't let you murder it_

_And our time is running out_

_And our time is running out_

_You can't push it underground_

_You can't stop it screaming out _

_How did it come to this?_


	4. Chapter 4 Circling Back

**Just me again, Drizl ~ not Stephenie M. but thanks girl for giving us these characters **

**Split view chappie Bella's up first**

**You get to see a softer side of Edward **

* * *

**Bella**

We finally made it to Portland and found our new apartment. Which was a huge relief, because Alice didn't talk to me the last two hours of the drive and all I could think about was that weird dream and the way she had looked at me when I finally woke up.

Over the past two years, I had grown used to the dreams. The nightly visitations from the green eyes had almost become reassuring to me. God that was weird. I hated the dreams but they were always there. Nothing else was. People left all the time. Things changed. The dreams didn't. They had become almost comforting, and now they were changing too.

I never had a dream where other people I knew were involved. It was always just me and mystery boy. Charlie's appearance had shaken me.

_"He's not allowed near her."_

_"She cannot remember any of this." _

_"Bella, he's gone."_

Those were such haunting words. It had to be just a dream, something I created in my head, because seriously, I would remember if someone had meant that much to me. Right!?

I mean, in the dream, I actually told Charlie I would die without my mystery boy. That's some serious shit.

I still wanted to know what had freaked Alice out so much. I'd had the dreams around her before. I screamed and cried and laughed and giggled in front of her and they had never bothered her. She just thought I was crazy Bella. Why was this time different for her? She was so **not** off the hook.

I could hear Rose and Alice giggling outside my bedroom door. I sighed and opened the door. They were standing arm and arm, grinning at me. Rosalie with her long blonde hair cascading down her shoulders. Cripes she looked like a movie star. And Alice, my little pixie, dark haired best friend.

"Hey Bella. How ya doing," they both said.

"Jeez, are you guys drinking?"

"Uh huh, welcome to Portland, Bells," Alice squealed and shoved a beer into my face.

We spent the rest of the evening drinking and talking about our hopes, dreams and boy fantasies. Rose didn't need fantasies, she had lived all hers. I had no fantasies anymore. Well, maybe just one, I wanted the dreams to go away. I didn't want the green eyes torturing me anymore. It was time to leave them in the past where they belonged.

Which left Alice's fantasies. Rose and I were subjected to everything that was Alice. She actually believed in the idea that there is someone in this world for everyone. Your true love, the one you belong with. She also believed that they would not show up at your door. Finding them actually required some work on each person's part.

I did not believe in happily ever after, no matter how much work you put into finding it.

Rose's phone rang. She staggered into the next room, leaving a very drunk Alice and me alone.

"A toast to us," Alice said, raising her empty beer bottle to me. "Here's to new beginnings and finding true love."

"I think you actually need liquid in your drink for it to qualify as a toast."

"Oh, right. Then toss me another one."

"Don't you think you've had enough," I said.

Fuck, I sounded like Renee.

"Nope," Alice said. "I can still remember."

"Remember what."

"What I saw today," she hissed.

"And what did you see today," I asked.

Suddenly, I felt a rush of nervous energy pulse into me. I needed another drink.

"I saw _things_, Bella. Really weird things."

Okay, she was being totally cryptic and I was too buzzed to know what the hell she was trying to get at.

"Just throw it out Alice."

"It was like watching a movie trailer, cuz it was just flashes not the whole story," she said, leaning closer to me.

"What are you talking about," I said.

"It's really weird."

I rolled my eyes at her and took another drink.

"Alice are you telling me it's weirder than my dreams?"

She grabbed the beer bottle out of my hand and almost finished it in one drink. I sighed and cracked another one. Something told me I was going to need it.

"When you were dreaming and I was trying to get you to wake up, I touched your hand. Ohmygod, Bella, it was..."

"What Alice, it was what?" My voice had clearly risen about two octaves.

She took another drink, finishing the bottle off.

"I told you it was just flashes of stuff."

"You're always having freaky visions Alice," I said trying to coax a laugh out her.

"Yeah, but not like this," she said. "These just seemed so real. Way too fucking real and a little creepy."

"Are you going to tell me what you saw or do I have to fucking guess," I snapped.

I was getting a little irritated with her.

Alice stood up and stumbled. I reached out and grabbed her hand, hoping to steady her enough so that she wouldn't fall on her face.

I should have let her fall.

The minute I touched her hand, her whole fucking body went rigid. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes glazed over. For a second, I thought she was having a heart attack.

I let her hand go and backed away. She fell to her knees, panting.

"Alice are you okay," I asked.

"I think I need to lay down," Alice choked out.

Even though I was desperate to know what was going on with her, I wasn't about to argue with her. She looked like shit.

"Hey," Rose said. "What's going on?"

"I think Alice over did it tonight. She needs to crash," I said.

"You've turned into a lightweight, Brandon. We're gonna have to do something about that," Rose said.

Alice struggled to get to her feet and Rose helped her back to her room. She didn't freak when Rose took her hand?

Alice gave me a weak smile before she slammed her bedroom door in our faces. I heard her whimper and drop to her bed.

"See you in the morning Rose," I said.

"Night Bella."

I clicked my bedroom door shut. I decided I wasn't going to think about Alice and the weirdness of the past day.

I turned around, scanning the room, familiarizing myself with the place I was now calling home.

One queen sized bed with a black iron headboard shoved up against the wall next to the window. The bed was covered with a purple comforter and light purple sheets. Man that was a lot of purple, but I could deal with it. I guess.

A desk with a small lamp sitting on it was stationed next to the door to the bathroom. A dresser was pressed up against another wall next to the small closet. A poofy chair that was covered in cream fabric with little purple flowers sat next to the bed by the window. Someone must have really liked purple. I wondered what the décor in Alice's room was like.

There was nothing on any of the walls which thankfully, were not painted purple, but a nice tranquil cream.

The floors were hardwood with a small rug by the bed. Yeah it was purple.

Time to check out the bathroom. I turned the light on and peeked my head in. Just a bathroom, nothing special or eye popping, but I really wasn't expecting a jacuzzi tub or anything.

At least it wasn't purple and I didn't have to share it with anyone.

The beer was making my head spin and I hadn't been in a bed for two days. This was going to be great.

I should have fucking stayed awake.

***

The dream started out slowly, bathed in the color of purple. I was surrounded by purple. Purple walls, purple bed, purple pants. Purple pants? Who owns purple pants?

I should have stuck with purple.

Green eyes peering at me, always watching. Boring into my head, my soul. He knew all my secrets, my loves, my dislikes. He was my life. Charlie was screaming in the background. I'm in a hospital bed. I'm trying to open my eyes so I can tell Charlie to shut the hell up, but my eyes feel like they're glued shut.

"_It's been three days. When is she going to wake up?" _

"_I told you. She will wake up in her own time. We have done everything possible. Now we wait." _

I'm stirring. The sheets are scratchy, the bed a bit uncomfortable. Charlie rushes to my side and the room spins away from me.

I'm sitting up, staring at the sterile walls, wanting desperately to get out of here and go back to school. Charlie comes in. He looks upset. There's been a change of plans he says.

I'm being sent back to Phoenix.

I feel sick. I argue with him. I tell him I am not going to Phoenix. I'm pleading with him, begging, getting ready to get down on my hands and knees. He stares out the window.

He takes a deep breath and hands me a plain white envelope. Not that stupid envelope again. I do not want to look at it. I trace the letters of my name written in lovely script on the front of it. Against my will, I tear it open. I'm staring at words that don't make sense. I strain to read them but my tears are blurring them. All I see is four words...I can't pretend anymore.

And I can't breathe anymore. I'm drowning. Screams fill my room. A man rushes in. I feel cold hands gripping my arm and then I'm floating away.

***

I sat up so fast my head started spinning. At first I wasn't sure where I was. I'm soaked with sweat and clutching a purple comforter so tightly that my hand hurts. Oh right, purple is for Portland.

It feels like I have a giant gaping hole in my chest. I swear someone came in and ripped my heart out.

I leaned over to check the window. It's still closed. I moved the curtain aside and looked out at a dark night. I can see a street lamp off in the distance. It's raining and it makes me feel...lost.

I can feel a sob building up in my throat. I grab my knees, hugging them to my chest, trying to cover the giant crater that is my chest.

If I don't sleep, I can't dream.

I wonder how long someone can survive without sleeping?

***

**Edward**

It had been two days since the fucking t-shirt fiasco and I was almost back to my lovable 'don't give a fuck about anything' self. Notice I included the word almost.

My only problem was that I hadn't been able to get off since that shower of self love. Things needed to change today.

Jasper and Emmett were over at the coffee shop. On a whim, Jasper had decided to buy a fucking coffee shop. Could it get anymore cliché? I mean we lived in Portland, Oregon. There's a fucking coffee shop on every corner.

At first, Emmett and I were totally against the whole idea, but after several days of scoping out coffee houses, we decided it could work. Women seemed to flock to these places, especially coffee shops where they knew there would be guys.

I decided to give Jasper a call and see if there was anything on the menu this afternoon.

"Edward," Jasper answered on the first ring.

"Anything for lunch today?"

"Getting back in the swing of things?"

"I'm hoping."

I could hear him yelling at Emmett.

"I think we can hook you up."

"As if I need your help," I growled and hung up before Jasper could say anything else.

One hour later and I'm walking back home with a babe on my arm, ready to have a little afternoon delight. Just as we're ready to get down and dirty, she opens her fucking mouth and destroys my entire day.

"You have the most beautiful eyes. Did you know you have tiny flecks of gold mixed in with the green. They make it look like your eyes are on fire."

I was fucking speechless. Ten minutes later, she was on her way out the door and I was in the shower with Muse blasting out of my Idock again.

_She_ was the only one who told me my eyes captured fire.

Emmett and Jasper's incessant talking invaded my mind and derailed my task at hand for the moment.

When did they get home?

"_He's showering again," _Emmett said.

"_Damn, I think it's getting worse," _Jazz said.

"_Ya think? Maybe it will fall off_," Emmett said, choking back a laugh.

I wanted to fucking choke him.

"_Maybe we should stage an intervention." _

An intervention? Jazz was watching way too much TV.

"_For what? Excessive wankin'." _

With that comment both Jasper and Emmett burst out laughing. I rolled my eyes, shut them out and continued on. I needed the fucking release before my balls turned blue and fell off.

For the rest of the day I stayed hidden in my room. Several times I heard both Emmett and Jasper wondering if they should approach me. Wisely neither chose to talk to me.

***

_Your eyes have fire in them..._

It was now 2am. I'd spent the majority of the evening pacing around the house. Jasper and Emmett had decided to get the fuck out of here and go trolling for their dinner. They didn't ask me to accompany them. I couldn't blame them. At the moment, I didn't want to be around me.

I looked out the window for the thousandth time. It was still raining. I felt...lost.

What the fuck was my problem? How much more could I torture myself. This was not healthy. I couldn't keep revisiting the past. I couldn't keep creating something that didn't exist anymore. Jasper was right, maybe I did need an intervention or a fucking shrink.

I flipped the TV on. You'd think with all these channels there would be something on. Not that I was paying any attention. I was just changing channels, trying to numb my mind.

It wasn't fucking working so I shut it off and walked over to my piano. I hadn't played in months. Maybe I'd forgotten how.

I pulled the bench away and opened the lid, revealing the gleaming white ivory keys. My fingers tingled when I ran them across the keys.

The third movement from the Muse song _Exogenesis_ came to my mind. The sad melody reflected my mood at the moment. Playing the notes made everything ache. I was better at being angry. I had not let this emotion surface for two years, but I couldn't stop playing the song and I couldn't stop the sadness that washed over me.

The memory hit me hard and fast. Instead of fighting it or pushing it away, I just let it come. Maybe if I remembered, I could let it go, let her go, once and for all.

***

It was about the same time of night as it was now, 2am. Not the usual time for mortals to be up, especially seventeen year old girls. But she was everything except predictable.

I heard a noise, choosing to ignore it because I thought it was Emmett or Jasper roaming around the house. Since we didn't sleep, noise at this hour wasn't anything to be alarmed about. And I didn't particularly care. I was at my piano, lost in the music and thoughts of her.

I'd never felt like this before. I never really thought it possible to feel anything, but she seemed to make all things possible. Every time she was around me, something stirred deep within me. Something besides the lust that welled up when a beautiful woman was around me. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but after several days I began to wonder if I was falling in love with her.

Was that even possible for me?

I was so into the music, I didn't notice her until she was standing next to the piano. I looked up meeting her soft brown eyes. At first I thought she was a dream or some hallucination, but then she cocked her head and gave me a shy smile.

I smiled back and nodded, letting her know she could sit down on the bench.

She slid next to me, moving gently up against me, trying not to interrupt the song. Her fingers brushed my arm. The heavenly aroma of her filled the room. She closed her eyes, letting the music flow into her. I let the notes become me. I touched her with them. She inhaled, slowly expelling the air through her mouth. She licked her lips leaving a glistening dew on them.

Jesusmotherfuckingshit, this was one of the most erotic moments in my life and I wasn't even touching her.

I don't remember the song I was playing. I just remember pouring everything into it. I was trying to tell her how much I loved her, because I really didn't know how to say the words. I didn't know if she was ready to hear them. I couldn't risk scaring her away. I needed her, more than even I knew at the time.

When the song came to an end and I lifted my hands away from the keys to look at her, the first thing I noticed was the tears spilling down her cheeks. I touched one, not quite understanding why she was crying.

"That was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard," she whispered. "Thank you for playing for me."

I wanted to say the words, but I couldn't get them to come out. My throat had closed. I felt like I may start crying. Do vampires even cry?

I put my arms around her, holding her tightly against my chest. She clutched my shirt. I could feel her heart pounding. Did she feel something for me? Something more than lust. Was it possible for a human to actually love a vampire?

Up until this moment, my answer would have been no, but something about the way she caressed my skin, the look in her eyes when she met my gaze. I let myself believe. I gave myself to her, but I never said the words and she never said them to me.

I moved my hands to her face, gently touching her cheeks. She closed her eyes again. My lips brushed against hers.

She sighed and whispered my name.

This was as close to heaven as I was ever going to get.

One week later she was gone from my life forever. Now she only existed as a memory that haunted me. A memory that needed to be shut down, erased. I was a vampire, and I was not meant to have love.

***

I dismissed the memory and concentrated on the melody of the song again. I was setting myself free, ridding myself of everything that was her.

Fuck, I didn't realize it still hurt so much. If I had a beating heart, this is what it would feel like to have someone rip it out of my chest.

I played the final note, quietly shut the lid on my piano and walked into my bedroom. I reached under my pillow, digging out the little black t-shirt. I hugged it to my chest and then I shredded it, tossing the scraps of material into the garbage.

Angry Edward was easier for me to understand. Angry Edward was easier to deal with.

I lay down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling.

Sometimes I wish I could turn it all off and go to sleep...

* * *

**Muse ~ Exogenesis Part III**

Let's start over again

Why can't we start over again?

Just let us start over again

And we'll be good

This time we'll get it...

We'll get it right

It's our last chance to forgive ourselves

* * *

**When I listen to this song by Muse, I can actually see Edward's hands touching the piano keys, his fingers playing the notes and the movement of his body as he pours himself into the music. I hope you can too. **

**I need a cold shower & a trip to RAoR**

**Please review, pimp, and/or recommend if you like this story **


	5. Dreams and Visions

**Back again...finally ~ just Drizl. I've been working over at Game on Baby for the past few days, but now I'm back with I Remember You. Sometimes writing about two different Edwards can screw a person up. Thanks to Steph Meyer for creating such wonderful characters for us to play with. A word of warning...this story is rated M for a reason...Language, Lemons and spicy Love. You have been warned. **

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**Dreams and Visions **

**Bella**

Alice was sitting in the kitchen with her head down on the table. She didn't look well. A cup of coffee was sitting untouched in front of her. I don't think it was hot anymore. I set a couple of aspirin on the table.

"Alice," I said quietly.

She groaned and looked up at me.

"You look about as good as I feel," she muttered.

"Yeah, well, I'm not going to sleep anymore," I grumbled.

"Dreams again?"

"As always, but now they're changing on me."

"Everything is about to change."

"I thought everything had already changed."

She lifted her head up, picked up the aspirin and washed them down with a sip of her coffee. She grimaced a little so I took the cup and put it in the microwave. She gave me a weak smile.

"Alice, are you going to let me in on what happened last night and at the rest stop?"

"I want to Bella, but it's so weird. There's no way these visions can be real," she sighed and put her head back on the table.

Alice had been having strange visions since I'd known her. Early on, we decided her visions were predictions for the future. Sometimes bits and pieces of her visions came true. Most of the time we just ignored them, choosing not to analyze them. It was easier that way.

"Just tell me Alice. I can take it. It can't be much worse than my fucking dreams."

I slid down in the chair across from her and touched her hand. Big fucking mistake.

Her head popped up and she had a strange look on her face, like she was somewhere else. I tried to let go of her hand but she grabbed me and pulled my hand to her chest. She almost had me on top of the table.

"Alice!" I yelled, twisting my wrist. "Alice, let go of my fucking hand."

My yells snapped her out of her trance and she dropped my hand. She jumped out of her chair, knocking it over.

"I think I'm going to have to start wearing gloves. Every time I touch you, I have another vision."

"Okay Alice, you need to tell me."

"You promise you won't think I'm crazy."

"If anyone is crazy, it's me. I've had the same stupid dream for almost two years."

"But it's changing, isn't."

"Yeah, I told you they were changing."

"They started changing around graduation didn't they?"

I hesitated for a few minutes. "Um, yeah, how did you know that?"

"That was the first time I had this vision when I touched you."

"Quit being so cryptic and just tell me what was in your vision."

"There's always a guy, but I can't see his face. He doesn't seem to like you very much. But I don't think he can stay away from you either."

"Great another mystery guy. Just what I need."

"Maybe it's the same guy," she whispered.

"No, my mystery dream guy is just that, a dream. He's not real," I snapped.

"You're probably right," Alice sighed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I was really hoping that the dreams would stop once we got here, but they seem to be getting worse."

"My visions are worse too."

"Will you please tell me what you saw."

"Are you sure you want to know," she asked.

"No, I would rather ignore them, but since they are getting worse, I think you should tell me."

"Fine, but remember they're really creepy."

"Let's try to remember you always say the visions aren't set in stone, the future can still change, right."

"I know, and the visions have been changing, only these just keep getting weirder. In a few of the visions you looked dead, and even worse I looked dead."

"Great. Something else to look forward to, some creepy guy and me dead. Just don't touch me anymore. I don't want to know."

"Can we change the subject," she asked.

"Gladly," I said, not wanting to hear anymore about my impending death or some creepy guy stalking me.

"As soon as I feel a little better, do you want to go for a walk around the neighborhood. Rosalie said there's some coffee shops, a bakery, a book store and some other stores. Maybe someone's hiring."

"Sure Alice, I'm going to take a shower and unpack. Let me know when you are ready to leave."

I left her in the kitchen drinking coffee and holding her head. I wondered if she would ever be ready to go anywhere today.

I shuffled down the hall to my bedroom. This was my second day in Portland and Alice had some creepy guy stalking me and even better, visions of me as a dead person. Maybe I was just having a bad makeup day and I wasn't really dead in her vision. Shit, what a cheery way to start the day.

When Alice had sufficiently recovered enough to at least stay upright, we headed outside. It was cloudy but the rain had let up. The fresh air did both Alice and I a world of good. I could actually feel some color coming back into my cheeks.

We wandered around our neighborhood, getting familiar with the new surroundings. We saw several help wanted signs in windows. I hadn't expected to see any, but maybe my luck was changing. Alice ran into a coffee shop to pick up an application while I went into a book shop that had a sign in the window.

We met each other back out on the street. She was waving an application and holding a cup of coffee. Jeez, she was going to be bouncing off the walls.

"Holy shit, Bella, you should see the guys in there. They are so hot. I'm supposed to fill this out and bring it back tomorrow. Maybe I'll go home and fill it out now, so I can bring it back right away. Did I mention the guys in there, especially the blonde one," she sighed. "Holy hell he was...I've never seen anyone like him before."

"So, there was a cute guy in there," I asked, trying not to roll my eyes at her.

"Not just one, three," she groaned. "Come on. You could pick up an application too. Ya know, just so you can get a peek."

"I'm not up for meeting any guys right now. I look like shit," I said.

"Oh come on, Bella, maybe looking at some hot guys would change your day. I know it changed mine. Man, they were so...wow!"

Alice did a fake swoon and fanned herelf.

"Let's go back to the apartment. I'm going to fill out this application and it's starting to rain," I said as I put up my hood. I was going to have to invest in an umbrella. Everyone else on the street was popping open their umbrellas.

Alice and I took off running.

By the time we got back to the apartment we were both soaking wet. Alice was still talking about the guys in the coffee shop. I wasn't that interested. My sleepless night was catching up on me.

Rose was sitting on the couch, mindlessly flipping through TV channels. She stared at us and shook her head.

"You guys need to buy a rain coat and invest in an umbrella. This isn't the desert anymore.

Alice was already launching into the story about the hot guys in the coffee shop. Rose agreed that Alice should fill out the application as fast as she could and get her ass back down there before the job was snapped up by someone else.

Rose had been in the coffee shop before so she had seen the guys up close and personal.

I sat down and listened to her descriptions.

"Oh, yeah, the dark haired muscly one makes my blood boil. I haven't talked to him yet, but if you get a job there...well, hell, you could introduce me," Rose said. She seemed to be licking her lips and rubbing her hands together. She had a gleam in her eye. I suddenly felt sorry for this unknown guy. He was doomed.

"The guy I talked to was blonde and had really dreamy eyes," Alice sighed.

Did she just say dreamy?

"I think I heard the other one call him Jasper," Alice said.

"The other one was there?"

"Yeah, I couldn't really see him. He was behind the counter off in the corner, but from what I could see he was hot too."

"I think they're brothers. Hey, there's one for each us," Rose laughed.

I groaned. "Just leave me out of this okay. I'm not ready to hook up with a guy. I have enough problems. I don't need to add a guy into the mix."

Both Rose and Alice shrugged their shoulders and went back to talking about the boys. I sighed and decided to go change out of my wet clothes.

I stripped out of my damp clothes and flopped back on my bed. I was fucking tired, but I didn't want to sleep. Maybe it would be okay if I just closed my eyes for a few moments. I could set my alarm for fifteen minutes. I don't think you went into REM sleep right away.

I grabbed my alarm clock and set it. I also set my phone. Just in case. I wasn't going to take any chances.

I should have known better and stayed awake.

***

"_No. No. Let go of me. I'm not leaving. I have to talk to him. Let me go!"_

"_Bella, he doesn't want you. He doesn't want to see you." _

"_I don't believe you." _

It's Charlie and me again. In that awful sterile hospital. I can smell the cleanliness. It makes my stomach lurch.

I needed to get out of here. I needed to go find him. This wasn't happening. He would never just leave.

I was sobbing. A cool hand was on my shoulder. I shook it off.

"_I want to see him. I want to hear the words from him." _

"_Bella, he's gone. He left this for you." _

Well, fuck, it's that damn white envelope again. I push Charlie's arm away from me. I don't want to see that fucking envelope again. My head is starting to spin. I lay back against the pillows, turning my face away from Charlie so he can't see the tears that are threatening to spill over.

"_Bella, it's for the best." _

For the best. For the best? What the fuck does that mean? Maybe if I had said the words to him, told him how I felt, he wouldn't have left me.

I want to scream. Charlie hands me the envelope again. I see my name in that lovely script and for several minutes or maybe hours, I stare at it.

I start to open it and once more I feel cool hands on my shoulders. And then I'm slipping away into a dark tunnel. The next time I open my eyes, I'm in Phoenix. A piece of me is missing and I don't know what it is.

Green eyes...and I'm sobbing and screaming.

***

"Bella, holy shit, Bella, wake up."

"Alice, he's gone. Why did he leave me?"

Was I screaming?

"Who, Bella, who?"

"Alice?" I stared at her and looked around my room. It's purple. Purple is for Portland. I'm not in Phoenix.

"Jeez, Alice what the hell is going on?"

"You were screaming your fool head off and both your phone and your alarm were blaring. Tell me about the dream."

"They used to be about him. He was always there watching me, sometimes touching me, but now he's gone. It's Charlie and me in a hospital," I paused, trying to catch my breath.

"Maybe it's not really a dream Bella. Maybe you're remembering what happened in Forks."

"I asked Charlie. He said nothing happened in Forks. He told me I never dated anyone. Why would he lie to me?"

"I don't know Bella, but maybe you should go up to Forks and confront him."

"No, I'm done with this. I came to Portland to start a new life and that's what I'm going to do," I snapped. "Where's that fucking job application."

I was shouting and pacing around the room in my bra and underwear. Alice started laughing.

"Fuck Bella, you're nuts," she said, holding her sides.

I couldn't help it. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and started laughing. I did look like I was nuts. My long hair was a tangled mess, my mascara was running down my face and I was in my underwear.

I needed to get a grip. Let it go. Why should I care about what happened in Forks? It couldn't have been that important. Besides Charlie told me himself nothing interesting ever went on in Forks.

If that was true, why did my heart hurt so much when I thought about Forks?

"Well, my application is all filled out so I'm running back to that coffee shop. God, I hope that blonde guy is still there. Wish me luck," she squealed, pulling the door shut as she skipped out of my room.

I slipped into a pair of sweats and t-shirt, sitting down at my desk to fill out my job application. I flipped the radio on.

The song that blasted out of the speakers ripped at my chest, opening the wound until it felt like I was bleeding.

Shut the fucking thing off. Shut it off. I knocked it to the floor. The music turned to static.

I was now on my knees, shaking.

I'm not listening to music anymore. It just fucks me up.

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**The song Bella heard playing on the radio was _Starlight_ by Muse. If you want to see the lyrics Google them. I don't want to piss the music industry off by using lyrics in my stories, so from now on, I'll just mention the names of the songs at the end of the chapters.**

**Review, Pimp or add to your favorites. All of the above is also an acceptable answer. Next three chapters are already in the can, just some minor editing to do before I post them. Thanks to everyone who has read the story, lurkers and commentators alike. Reading fanfic rocks! Writing it is hard work! **


	6. Chapter 6 It Needs to be Over

**It's Me ~ just Drizl. These characters have been graciously loaned out by Stephenie Meyer. She created them and I am forever grateful! **

**Surprise! Well it's hopefully a nice surprise for the four people who are reading this story. Bahahaha ~ Anyway, this chappie is Edward's POV and only Edward. This will give you a little more insight into him.**

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**Chapter 6**

**It needs to be Over**

**Edward**

If a vampire could get a headache I would have one today. I hadn't fed in three days and it was beginning to wear me down.

I was hanging out at the coffee shop waiting for something appetizing to walk through the door. For some reason it was a little slow today. Probably because I was fucking hungry and the world seemed to be down on me.

Damn I was crabby.

A few minutes later, a pixie of a girl walked through the door. She had short dark hair, dark eyes and was bouncing all over the place. She might work, if I could get her to stop jumping around so much. Just as I was about to go talk to her, Jasper cockedblocked me.

I wasn't in the mood to put up a fight so I let him have her. It turned out she came in here because she saw the help wanted sign. Fucking Jasper and his help wanted signs. Most of the time, he used the workers for snacks until he wore them out. We had a high turnover of employees.

I went back to sulking in the corner. Jasper gave the Pixie girl an application and she bounced out of the store. Jasper looked like he wanted to chase after her. As she left, three more girls walked through the door.

Finally.

This time I wasn't aiming to take anyone home, I just wanted a drink. They ordered and a few minutes later, one headed off to the bathroom. I fucking hated to do things this way, but I was in desperate need of a little blood.

I followed the girl to the back, waiting outside the door until she came out. I deliberately banged into her. She looked at me and I stared intently into her eyes. It only took a moment before her face went blank and she leaned up against me. I had always been good at compulsion. Esme told me I was one of the most talented vampires she had ever seen when it came to using compulsion on humans. I pushed the girl into the back room, quickly lifting her wrist to my mouth.

Sweet hot life saving blood ran down my throat. Finally, something was going right. I released her, touched the marks on her wrist with my tongue and watched the wounds disappear. A couple moments later and she was on her way back to her friends and I was sated with her blood.

"Well, Sugar Pop, you look much better," Emmett said as I came walking out of the backroom.

"Yeah, I needed that," I groaned and sat down. "Things have been a little fucked up the last few days."

"Really Edward, I hadn't noticed." He rolled his eyes at me. "And I wouldn't exactly say _things_ have been fucked up. It's more like _you _have been fucked up."

"Ah, Fuck you Emmett," I snapped and flipped him off.

"I thought you were done with her," he said, glaring at me.

"I am. This time I fucking am," I said strongly. "I'm going to go hang out at home for awhile."

"We're thinking about going out tonight. Maybe you need a hook-up."

"Yeah sure Emmett, whatever, give me a call," I said.

I was getting good at convincing other people I was through with her, now if I could convince myself. My only problem was that fucking tiny scrap of her black t-shirt tucked into the front pocket of my jeans. Talk about screwed up. I had almost made it out to the trash when I caved and dove in after it. I really didn't understand why I couldn't let her go.

I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt up and stepped outside. It was drizzling again. I shoved my hand in my pocket and fingered the piece of fabric. Before I knew what was happening a memory grabbed me and sucked me in.

***

I was sitting in class bored out of my mind, trying not to think about her because every time I thought about her my dick reacted in ways I couldn't hide. I had started to wear longer shirts to hide my obvious problem.

My phone vibrated. I glanced around, hoping no one noticed. Phones were forbidden in classrooms, but no one followed the rules.

I glanced around the room and slowly pulled my phone out, quickly checking to see who it was from. Shit, it was a message from her. She was supposed to be in gym right now. What the fuck was she doing texting me during class?

_Meet me by my truck in 10 _

I wondered what the hell was up with her. She didn't skip class. It must be important, but how was I going to get out of here. I suppose I could try to use compulsion. I already had perfected that skill when I wanted to feed from a human, but using it to get them to do something was different.

I had practiced a few times, but my success rate hadn't been that promising. The first time I tried to get a human to do something I wanted, all I got was slapped in the face for the suggestion I put in a girl's mind.

Using compulsion for feeding was easy. Basically all I did was wipe their mind for the few minutes it took me to feed.

My phone buzzed again.

_U coming?_

_1 minute trying 2 get out of class _

I was so curious to find out what she wanted that I would try anything. I didn't know if this would work, but I would never know if I didn't give it a shot. I glanced up at Senora Goff, my Spanish teacher, and concentrated on what I wanted.

_I need to be dismissed._

"Edward."

"Si Senora Goff?"

"Don't you need to leave?"

"Uh right, thank you for reminding me."

I was so polite it almost made me gag, but it worked so I really didn't give a shit. This skill was going to come in handy.

I rushed down the hall and out the door. I could see her from across the parking lot, waiting by that awful truck of hers. That thing was so fucking ugly, but the girl leaning up against it took my breath away and that's saying something because I didn't even need to breathe. I could live with her shitty vehicle.

"What's going on," I asked. I sounded like I was out of breath. I was good at pretending to be human.

"I felt like ditching," she whispered.

"You...what?"

"Let's get out of here before someone comes and hauls me back to class."

"Are you serious?"

"Don't I look like I want to go," she asked. She bit her lower lip and looked down at the ground. I immediately felt myself go hard.

"Yeah, let's get out of here," I mumbled.

She had been here in Forks for about three weeks and we had been hanging out for most of those three weeks. I knew it from the moment I laid eyes on her, from the moment her scent touched me. She was the one who sang for me, my own personal la tua cantante. I had waited so fucking long and now she was here.

I felt like I had been reborn, and even though I had been with women before, this one made me nervous. A human making a vampire nervous? I didn't know it was possible, but I didn't want to hurt her. I wanted all of her body and more than anything, I wanted to taste her blood.

After years of practice, we Cullens had perfected the art of taking only what we needed from a human without turning them or hurting them. They never knew anything we didn't want them to know.

"Why don't you drive," she said, handing the keys over to me.

"We could just take my car," I said.

"I suppose," she hesitated. "But then we'd have to be back in hour to pick up your brothers and sisters."

"Oh right, I'll text Emmett and tell him to just take the car home," I said. Shit what did she have planned for us.

I smiled and opened the door for her. She slid in, but stayed next to me. It was going to be fun shifting. I glanced down at her bare leg. I didn't know if I was going to be able to handle this.

"So, where do you want to go," I asked as the truck revved to life.

"Um, my dad won't be home until late tonight," she said softly.

Holy shit, she wanted me to take her home. To her house. To her room? I may faint.

I managed to nod my head and pull out of the parking lot without crashing into anything or slamming the gas pedal to the floor.

She leaned into me. The heat from her body was so intense I almost felt like I was burning. She touched my leg, running her fingers up my thigh. I almost slammed the brakes on. I managed to hold it together until we pulled up to her house.

I barely got the truck stopped when she grabbed me and pressed her body up against me. I hit my fucking head on the door frame.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry," she said and scooted across the seat away from me.

"It's nothing," I said, shaking my head. I pulled on the handle and the door opened so quickly I almost fell out. I offered her my hand and helped her get down out of the truck. She put her arms around my waist, pulling me up against her body, making it very difficult for me to walk. I wanted to scoop her up and take her to her bedroom.

We finally managed to stumble into her house. I was trying to hold it together, but at the moment, it was proving very difficult for me to do. Her scent was hammering me. I could fucking hear her blood flowing and we were alone, in her fucking house. Jesus Christ.

She took my hand and led me up the stairs to her bedroom. It was small and the scent of her was overwhelming. It almost brought me to my knees, but she had other ideas.

She cleared a couple books off her bed and motioned for me to sit. I wasn't going to make it. The sight of her sheets in disarray was doing things to my dick. I carefully sat down on the bed and crossed my legs. I didn't want to scare her. All we had done so far was kiss. I didn't want her to think I was a fucking pervert.

She took her jacket off and threw it on a chair. The shirt she was wearing showed off her breasts. Her nipples were straining against the fabric. I had to look away before I came in my pants.

I glanced around her room, my eyes stopped dead on a couple of books that were sitting on the floor. Jesus fuck, they were vampire books and not the fiction kind. These were research books. Holy shit, what the hell was going on. Did she know something? Or suspect something?

I didn't have time to decide if this was important or not, because in the next second she was standing right in front of me. I held my breath, not really sure if I should make a move or let her dictate everything. That latter would probably be my best bet. She straddled me. Fuck.

"I have never met anyone like you," she whispered as she tangled her fingers into my hair.

"Nor I you," I said and it was the fucking truth.

She kissed my neck right below my ear. I could feel her warm tongue as she licked my ear lobe. I think I was shaking. I didn't dare touch her. I was afraid if I did I would fall back on the bed and fuck the hell out of her. Biting her fucking neck also came to mind.

"Is something wrong," she mumbled into my neck.

"Er, no," I said. I sounded like a fourteen year old boy who had never kissed a woman before. Fuck this shit. I ran my hands up her back and pulled her tightly against me. She moaned. I almost came.

Jesus Christ, I was a fourteen year old boy.

Her mouth came down on mine. Hot wet lips against my cold hard mouth. Her lips parted and her tongue darted out. She licked my lips and touched her tongue against mine. This time I groaned.

She shifted on my lap and I could feel her hot wet center pressing against my dick. My hips automatically pushed into her. If I wasn't careful I was going to lose my shit and take her. I told my brain to slow down, but my dick was ignoring my thoughts.

She wrapped her legs around my waist. I was fucking going to pass out. I would go on record as the first fucking vampire to ever pass out while dry humping a human. Shit, this was fucked up.

And then it got worse.

"Hello, anyone home?"

Her fucking dad was home. I stood up so fast I dumped her on the floor.

"Hey Charlie, we're up here," she called.

We, did she just say we. I briefly thought about flying out the window, but then I would have to explain my ability to jump two stories and disappear before Charlie could get upstairs. I was fucked and frozen. I had no idea what to do.

She calmly opened her book bag and tossed an English book to me. _Romeo & Juliet_. She opened her tablet and sat down at her desk. I slid down on the floor, looking like a deer caught in the headlights of an on-coming semi. I guess if he shot me, she would figure out what I was when I didn't drop dead. Shit.

The door opened. I watched Charlie's eyes as they moved from her to me. I was sitting like I had a pole shoved up my ass. Christ, try to act a little more natural.

"Hi Dad, this is Edward Cullen," she said not even looking up at him.

"Cullen, you must be Carlisle's son," he said meeting me gaze.

"Yes sir," I said. I sounded like a cadet in training. Maybe I should salute him. I was an idiot. A fucking screwed idiot sitting in a girl's room talking to her father with a fucking raging hard-on. Could things get any better?

Never ask that question unless you really want an answer.

"We have a test in three days on _Romeo and Juliet_. Edward is really good with Shakespeare," she said. She was so calm. How could she do that?

"Is that so Edward?"

"Uh, yes sir," I managed to mutter.

"It would probably help if the book was not upside down,"

Well fuck, he just so busted us. I waited for the hammer to drop or the stake to enter my heart.

"Oh, Charlie," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Ah, I have to go anyway," I stuttered. I stood and shifted uncomfortably. My hard-on would not go away.

"I'll drive you home," she said.

"No, I think I'll walk," I said.

Charlie stepped out of the room. I just wanted to escape.

She was relentless, as soon as Charlie snapped the door closed she was up against me again.

"Not helping," I groaned.

She ignored my feeble plea and kissed me again. She held nothing back. She ran her hand into my hair and grabbed a fistful, pulling me against her mouth. She tasted so sweet, but I had to get the fuck out of there.

"Don't go," she mumbled into my chest.

"Are you crazy," I said. "Charlie may come back and shoot me."

"It's hard for me to be away from you."

Did she just say...I may never leave again. I would live in her closet. I didn't need much room.

"I'll text you when I get home. I don't want to piss Charlie off," I said.

"I suppose," she grumbled.

"Do you want to have dinner with me on Friday night?" The words came out so fast I didn't know if she understood what I had said.

"Sure!" She smiled brightly at me.

Did I just ask her out to dinner? Did she say yes? Was I fucking nuts?

She kissed me again.

***

Well, this is just fucking great. I was now standing in my bathroom, holding that fucking scrap of fabric and gripping my now rock hard dick. God I hated how she still had her claws stuck in me. I could remember everything like it was yesterday.

I wanted to ask her why? Why and how could she just walk away without giving me an explanation. I deserved more than that fucking letter she left with Charlie.

I stared at my Ipod. Which Muse song would it be this afternoon. How about fucking Blackout.

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**Check out the lyrics to _Blackout _by Muse.**

**Reveiw, review...please...Questions, Queries, Comments, Thoughts...anything in the form of a written word is appreciated. Thanks again to everyone reading this story. I'm having a ball writing it. Next chapter should be ready soon! Drizl**


	7. Chapter 7 Are You Insane?

**It's just me, Drizl ~ Not trying to infringe on Stephenie Meyer's characters. I'm just borrowing them and giving them a different story. Split chapter again ~ Edward's up first. **

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**Chapter 7**

**Are You Insane? **

**Edward **

After my afternoon session with my dick, I decided to head back over to the coffee house. I couldn't stand wandering around the house anymore. Usually I enjoyed the quiet time when Jasper and Emmett were both gone but this afternoon all I was doing was thinking too much and remembering shit.

Maybe if I had another little snack it would help quell the agitation I was feeling again. If I didn't shake her pretty soon, I was going to have to make an appointment with a shrink. I wondered if there were any vampire shrinks around and where would someone go to find one? I don't suppose they were listed in the phone book. Maybe Google could point in the correct direction.

I guess I could call my mother, Esme, but what the hell would I tell her.

Hey, you remember Bella? Well, it seems I can't forget her and it's driving me insane. Instead of moving forward I've stepped all the way back to when I met her. And now, I'm carrying around a scrap of her t-shirt that I just tore to shreds. I was about to throw it away, a symbolic gesture of tossing out the past, but I freaking caved and dived into the dumpster to save a piece. I must be fucking nuts.

It would be safer for me to keep this unhealthy obsession to my self. There was no way I was talking about this to anyone. What I needed was a self prescribed night out and more women. I needed to erase her, get her out of my system.

And exactly why did I think that would work when it never had before? Wasn't that what I had been doing over the last two years and look where it got me. Fucking right back where I started, still enduring all the memories of the guy I used to be with the girl who created me.

When I got back to the the coffee shop, it was buzzing with people. It would be easy to grab a snack. Maybe things were looking up for me.

"Hey Sugar Pop," Emmett said, waving me over.

"What," I growled. I was really getting sick of that fucking nickname.

"Well aren't you the cheery one," he said, patting me on the back. "Do you need another little snack. An entire herd just went to use the facilities."

"Later," I grumbled. What? I thought I wanted a snack.

"What has your balls in a bunch?"

"Nothing," I said, reaching into my pocket for a quick feel of that fabric. I was so fucking twisted that it was beginning to scare me.

"Fuck Edward, you need to get a grip," Emmett hissed.

Before I could hit Emmett with a sharp retort, the door opened and that little Pixie girl who was in here earlier came rushing in all breathless. Her cheeks were flushed. She flew up to the counter, slapping the paper she was clutching in front of us. This chick did not need any extra caffeine.

"Hi, I was in here earlier and picked up an application. I know you said to bring it back tomorrow, but I really need this job so I'm back. Plus I figured you guys are getting a lot of applicants with school just around the corner and I wanted to beat the rush," she said. I don't think she took one breath in that entire paragraph she just spoke. She seemed very excited about the whole job thing.

Jasper shoved Emmett out of the way and grabbed the girl's application. Where the hell did he come from? I didn't even know he was here.

Her whole face lit up when she saw him and I think more blood rushed to her cheeks. I rolled my eyes and jabbed Emmett in the ribs.

"Well," Jasper paused, briefly scanning the paper. "Alice, do you know anything about making coffee."

"No, but I drink it," she said, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Sounds good to me. What about it Emmett, Sugar Pop," he said glancing over his shoulder and winking at us.

"Quit fucking calling me that," I snarled.

Jasper didn't wait for us to answer him.

"You're hired, Alice," Jasper said. I swear he was fucking drooling.

He had now walked around the counter and was directing her over to a table. I had to hand it to Jasper, he was good at what he did. He could charm the pants off a fucking nun.

I think this Alice girl was already melting. She was putty in his hands.

Emmett elbowed me. " How many?"

"Four days," I said without even thinking.

"I'm taking three," Emmett said and slapped a twenty on the counter. I reached in my pocket to grab my money. The scrap of t-shirt fell out, landing next to Emmett's fucking shoe. I stooped to pick it up, trying to get to it before he noticed, but I wasn't fast enough.

"Jesus Christ, Sugar Pop, are you fucking kidding me," he said dangling the piece of fabric in my face.

"I don't want to fucking talk about it," I snarled at him as I tried to grab it out of his hand.

"You are so screwed up." He rubbed it in my face before dropping it into my hand. At least I wasn't going to have to fight him for it, because I was ready to do just that.

I flipped him off, stuffed it back into my pocket and headed back down the hall. Emmett was right. I was screwed up and I didn't know what to do about it. Things were getting worse. I punched the wall.

"Hey, are you okay?"

The pixie girl was standing in the hallway, staring at me.

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that," I mumbled. " I'm having a shitty day."

"We all have them," she said.

I shrugged my shoulders and tried to give her a smile.

"Alice," Jasper's voice rang out.

"I hope your day gets better," she said cheerfully.

"Thanks," I said.

She turned and ran back down the hall. I thought she was going to jump into Jasper's arms. I should have taken two days.

I started to leave, but I noticed Pixie girl had dropped her scarf on the floor.

I should have left it on the ground.

It was just an innocent little black scarf, but when I picked it up, I was overwhelmed to the point that I actually staggered, bumping into the wall before I ended up on the ground. The scent coming off of the scarf smelled so familiar, too familiar.

Jesus Christ, la tua cantante.

How could this be? The Pixie girl? I certainly would have noticed her scent when I was standing face to face with her. I took another breath and was hit with the same sensation of her. Please, not again.

I was beginning to wonder if a vampire could go insane?

And the memory came, whisking me back to a place I really didn't want to see.

***

Charlie had just busted us upstairs in her bedroom studying Romeo and Juliet. Right, I had been holding the book upside down and he had called me on it. I was a little nervous walking down the stairs.

She trailed behind me, not at all happy that I was leaving her. The moment I stepped into the living room, I could feel Charlie's eyes on me. I tried to sneak a quick look to make sure his hand wasn't on his gun. I really didn't feel like getting shot today and I definitely did not want to explain to her or her father why I didn't die after getting shot.

Thankfully, I made it out the front door without any movement on Charlie's part.

"Well that was interesting," she said.

"Interesting? I thought he was going to shoot me!"

She rolled her eyes and took my hand. She was so warm and so alive and so damn close to me. I needed to get the hell away from her.

"I really should go. I don't want to push Charlie any further."

"Promise you'll text me when you get home," she said, backing me into a tree.

"I said I would."

She now was pressed up against me. I was about to panic. I was sure Charlie was watching us from the window.

"What is wrong with you," she mumbled.

Yeah, what the fuck was wrong with me? I had a beautiful woman pressed up against me and I was scared her father was going to come out and shoot me. I doubt Charlie would shoot someone in front of his only daughter.

"Nothing is wrong. For once in my life everything is right," I said.

She hooked her leg around mine. I'm sure she could feel my dick pressing into her hip, but at the moment I didn't care. Charlie could come and blow my brains right out of my head. She was too tempting and I couldn't resist anymore.

"I ache for you," she whispered.

The words swept into me and took me somewhere I had never been before. I put my hand under her chin, turning her face up to mine. I slowly brushed my lips over hers, lingering for a minute before I pressed down as hard as I dared. She opened her mouth. Our tongues touched. Fucking angels broke into song and once again, I found myself at the gates of heaven.

***

Jesusfuckingchrist, the torture was almost unbearable. I stomped up the front steps, slamming the door so hard two pictures fell off the wall.

I was still clutching the Pixie girl's scarf. I tossed it on the couch. I needed to get away from it. I should throw it outside so I couldn't smell it any more. I bent to pick it up but something on the other side of the street caught my eye. I pushed the curtains open. There was a girl standing across the street staring at me. Her face was hidden by her hood and the dark wet curls that clung to her cheeks.

She turned and moved away from me before I could get a better look. The way she walked. It had to be a coincidence. The movement of her hips.

My fucking God, now I was seeing her. And to make matters worse, my fucking dick was stiff as a goddamn board and my entire body ached for her.

**Bella**

After Alice left I filled out the job application for the book store. I wouldn't mind working there. I loved to read, it wasn't far from home and hopefully they would be able to fit my working around my schedule for school. It didn't take me long to fill it out. Like Alice, I figured there was no time like the present to drop this thing off.

I didn't think it was a good idea for me to show up in sweatpants, so I changed into some black pants and a nice shirt. Everything was so much fucking work.

Jeez, I was crabby.

Maybe I should forget the job and take a nap. What the hell was I thinking. There would be absolutely no napping or sleeping of any kind. I wasn't quite sure how I was going to get around this sleep issue, but I needed to figure something out. I didn't want to have another dream ever again.

I pulled the shade up to check on the rain status. Currently it was cloudy out, but not raining. Well, maybe things were looking up for me.

Never think shit like that unless you are absolutely sure.

I grabbed a jacket and headed back to the bookstore with my job application in one hand and my phone in the other. I was anxiously waiting for Alice's phone call. She was supposed to let me know if she was successful with the coffee shop job venture. Although I think she was more interested in the guy.

I dropped my application off and the owner told me to come in tomorrow morning for an interview. I think that was a good thing. I was starting to feel a little more optimistic about my afternoon.

I should have stayed home.

I stepped out of the book store and it had started to rain again. Just a light drizzle. I put my hood up, shoved my hands in my pockets and started to head back toward the apartment.

I spotted him walking across the street. Something about the way he moved seemed familiar. Hands tucked into his pockets, shoulders a little rounded like he was trying not to be so tall, long lanky legs and his hood up, obscuring his face from me.

My stomach dropped into my knees and for some odd reason I wanted to chase him down. I tried to get my legs to move but they were not cooperating with me. I stood frozen, watching him as he turned the corner.

I wanted to yell at him to wait, but that was a little creepy. I started hyperventilating. Something inside me needed to see more of him.

I started running, trying to chase him down. I was taking creepy to a brand new level. I turned the corner and scanned the area for him. I caught another glimpse of him just before he went into a house. I wondered if he lived there. Okay, I'll just walk by the house, casually. What the hell was I thinking, running after some guy because his walk looked familiar. It was more than that, he _felt _familiar and I'd only seen him from a distance.

I crossed the street so it wouldn't be so obvious. I stood across the street from his house, like a fucking stalker. I could see his shadow behind the curtain. His movements were strangely comforting. I suddenly yearned to feel his arms around me.

Jeez, Bella get a grip. You don't even know this guy and yet, my whole body ached.

I had stepped off the deep end. I needed to call a shrink. I think I could now officially claim that I was insane.

The curtains split a bit. The last thing I needed was to have someone call the police on me. I turned and walked briskly back to my apartment.

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**I listened to **_**Let It** **Go**_** by Cavo while writing this chappie. Edward diving in the the dumpster was a shout out to my girls at RAoR ~** **Reviews are loved and appreciated. Thanks for reading...Next chappie has some really hawt lemons. I needed a cold shower after writing it. Drizl**


	8. Chapter 8 My Singer

**Drizl here ~ back from playing over at Game On Baby. Came back for a little angst. These characters do not belong to me. I'm just changing their story. We are here with Bella again. Getting a little more back story, although Bella doesn't know it yet. **

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**Chapter 8**

**My Singer**

**Bella**

I immediately went into my room and hid. I didn't want to talk to anyone about anything. My God, I just ran after some guy because I liked the way he walked. I was loosing my freaking mind. First my creepy dreams, then Alice's weird death visions and now I was hanging out in front of a stranger's house because I thought he had a familiar walk. What next?

I lay back on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. I had only been in Portland for a few days and I was beginning to wonder if maybe I should have listened to my mother and stayed in Phoenix. I still couldn't believe I had followed that guy to his house. What was wrong with me? He could have spotted me and thought I was some crazy lunatic stalker. I would have been arrested, leaving Alice to bail me out and then she probably would have driven me to the nut house.

After several more minutes of staring at the ceiling and thinking about the gait of mystery guy, my stomach was rumbling so loud, I couldn't ignore it anymore. I finally decided to get up and make myself a sandwich or something. Ingesting some caffeine might not be a bad idea either.

I should have stayed in bed.

I pulled all the fixings out of the fridge that would be needed for a great sandwich, arranging them on the counter. I dug around in the drawers until I found a knife. I was busy slicing up a tomato, not really paying attention to what I was doing when I sliced into my finger instead of the tomato. It didn't hurt, it was just a little bloody. The blood ran down my finger making a small puddle on the cutting board. I was transfixed, almost enamored, watching the small trail of blood dripping down my injured finger.

"La tua cantante," I whispered.

What the hell did that mean? Did I just speak Italian? I didn't know how to speak Italian. Did I? Where did those words come from?

I slid down to the floor, clutching my finger. The blood continued to drip and I disappeared down a black path.

***

The night was dark with only a sliver of a moon present in the sky and for once, the stars were not hidden by clouds. I could actually see tiny twinkling dots filling the night sky.

There was a slight chill in the air, but I was beyond caring. It could have been snowing out. We were together and at the moment, nothing else mattered to me.

He was here. With me. And we were alone.

There was a blanket spread out underneath us and he was leaning up against a tree. I was almost on his lap, tucked in between his legs, sitting back against his chest. His arms encircled me, holding me tightly against his body. I could feel his cool breath on the back of my neck. It made the hairs on my neck stand up and sent bolts of electricity whizzing through my entire body.

"_Are you sure about this,_" he whispered.

His voice vibrated against my skin, sending a shiver all the way down to my core. Wetness seeped into my panties. If I wasn't careful I was going to cum before he even touched me.

_"Yes, I've never been so sure about anything,"_ I breathed.

Jeez, was that me talking? My voice sounded so sexy, so lusty. I shivered again and it wasn't because I was cold.

I felt his hands reach around for the button on my jeans. Fuck. I started thinking I should have worn a skirt. It would have been faster and easier access for all. He ran his hand over the button teasing me. This was taking way too long. I raised my hips, trying to get him to touch me, but he just chuckled in my ear.

My breathing was becoming erratic. I needed to feel him and he was teasing me. I grabbed his hands and moved them out of the way. I popped my button, pulled the zipper down and shimmied out of my pants. He pulled another blanket over me. I was surprised it didn't burst into flames when the fabric touched my overheated skin.

His hands ran across my hips and up under my shirt. My bra was the next casualty.

_"Fuck,"_ he hissed and nipped at my earlobe, making me squeal.

I needed to calm down a bit or I was going to explode. Shit, I wanted this. I wanted him and I knew he wanted me. I could feel his erection pressing into my back. Oh my God.

_"I can't wait any longer,"_ I cried out. I tried to turn so I could face him. I desperately wanted to to look in his eyes, but he held me in my current position.

_"No, stay like this."_ His voice was low and stern, almost commanding. But hidden underneath the fierceness of his voice, I could feel he was trying to stay in control of his emotions.

I raised my ass up so he could unbutton his pants and get them off. He needed to remove them or I was going to rip them from his body. Everything seemed to be moving agonizingly slow. Didn't he understand? I was on fire here!

When his pants and boxers were down, I sank back into him. The coolness of his skin against my hot skin created a very intense sensation for me. I had to hold my breath for a few seconds. The phrase "be calm" kept floating through my head, but it was agonizingly difficult. I could still feel his throbbing cock pressing up against my back. He licked my neck. Well, fuck, I was pretty sure if he didn't take me soon I was going to die.

_"Are you sure about this,"_ he asked again.

_"Please..."_

Did I just say please? That was a pretty good calm. I really wanted to shout fuck yes, take me now, now, now! Goddamn it, I had never wanted anyone so much in my entire existence.

He gently lifted me, dragging me up his body until I could feel his cock right at my entrance. He kissed my shoulder, running his tongue across my skin. It sent shudders down my entire body. I had to do everything in my power not to jump up and slam myself down on him, but he had warned me at the beginning, tonight we needed to go slow.

Again, I told myself to be calm, but then the torture increased.

I was beginning to think he was enjoying this teasing shit. I was dripping wet, wanting him so badly I was going to start crying. And then slowly he started to push into me, stopping every inch to make sure I was okay. It was fucking driving me insane, yet it was so delicious. Our position intensified the feeling of having him in me. I mean, I was sitting on top of him with my back to him.

Was this the moment to scream out how I was feeling? To tell him everything I had kept hidden from him? I couldn't do it. I didn't know how he felt about me and I wasn't going to ruin this moment by opening my mouth.

He stilled himself again. I wasn't exactly sure what he was waiting for or what I was supposed to do. I wanted it all.

_"Don't ask me any more questions. Just do it,"_ I whispered hoarsely.

He raised his hips, moving very deliberately. I laid my head against his shoulder. He tilted my head away from him, pushed my hair aside and exposed my neck. His wet, cool lips trailed kisses down the side of my throat. One hand snaked around my waist and up to my breasts. He caressed each nipple and kneaded my breasts. I arched my back, pushing harder against him, driving him deeper into me.

_"Oohh, my God,"_ I moaned.

I could feel my heart pounding in my head. It was so loud I could barely form a coherent thought. His other hand found its way across my hip and down to my throbbing clit. Holy fuck. I wanted to scream when I felt his cool fingers rubbing me, but then my focus shifted.

_"Mmmm,"_ he hummed against my throat. _"La tua cantante."_

I felt his lips moving against my throat. He paused when he reached my pulse point. For a brief moment I felt something weird. His teeth rubbed across my throat. Was this the moment I had been waiting for? I heard a small pop, followed by soft sucking noises against my neck.

He was thrusting harder into me, still rubbing my clit and pulling me closer to his body. He groaned against my throat and I threw my head back. I raised my arms, reaching for his hair so I could pull it. He bit harder, making me scream as a liquid fire started to spread through my entire body. The heat flooded into me, quickly engulfing me. I was soon drowning in it. Could you drown in fire? I could feel it from the tips of my hair down to my toes. It was building way down in my abs. I quit breathing and the enitre world disinegrated around me, shattering me into a million pieces as I had the most violent orgasm in my entire life.

As I clenched around him, he grunted and with one final thrust, he exploded into me.

***

"Bella, Bella are you okay?"

"Huh," I said trying to open my eyes. I rolled over on my stomach, not exactly sure where I was or what just happened.

"Bella, you're bleeding," the voice said.

Was someone talking or was I just hearing voices? At the moment I was floating somewhere near the ceiling.

"Bella your finger is bleeding. Did you fucking pass out from that little bit of blood? Alice told me you were a little freaky around blood, but there's only a couple drops."

"Rose," I stammered. I pulled myself back to a sitting position. "What the fuck?"

"That's what I'm wondering Bella?"

"I'm fine," I mumbled.

I was so fucking lying. I'd just had a massive dream orgasm. My girl parts were on fire and still throbbing.

Rose stuck out her hand for me to take. I wasn't sure if I would be able to stand.

"I've never seen anyone pass out because of a little blood."

"I'm going to go lie down for a few minutes," I muttered as she helped me up. I needed to get away from her and figure out what had just happened. Holy shit, I'd never experienced anything like that in my entire life.

"Bella, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, thanks Rose, I think I'm just tired, too much excitement these last few days."

I left her cleaning up my blood and my sandwich.

I went to my room, shutting the door behind me. I grabbed my laptop, sat down on my bed and typed in la tua cantante. The Italian to English translation popped up.

"My singer," I mumbled.

Why had the blood triggered me to say those words. This was not helpful. I closed my laptop and crawled into my bed, bringing back the dream.

"La tua cantante."

I thought back to the dream. Right before he bit me, I heard him say la tua cantante. Was I dreaming about fucking a vampire? And not just fucking a vampire, loving a vampire. I had wanted to scream out the words in the dream, but I had stopped myself.

"Oh my God. Now I know I'm crazy. A vampire? Vampires are not real," I hissed to myself.

I squeezed my eyes shut trying to recall every detail about the dream. I wanted to see his face. His voice burned into me, but it was his face I really wanted to see. Why couldn't I see his face?

Memories of the most incredible erotic sex I had ever had, floated through my mind. Had it been real at one time in my life or was it just a crazy sexy dream? So crazy that the dream actually made me have a real orgasm. One of the most fucking intense orgasms I'd had in my life. Just thinking about it was getting me all charged up again. I could almost feel him kissing me, pushing into me and the bite. Holy...

My phone rang.

"What? I mean hello," I gasped.

"Bella, you okay?"

"Oh, hey Alice. Did you get the job?"

"Don't change the subject," she hissed.

"I'm fine."

"Rose called and said she found you writhing on the floor."

"I cut my finger. It's no big deal," I grumbled. "Now did you get the job or not?"

"Yes, I'm starting tomorrow. You should come down here and meet the guys. I just talked to Rose and she's coming down."

"Um, thanks Alice, but I think I'm going to hang out here and try to get some sleep tonight. It's been a long day and I've got a job interview in the morning."

"Are you sure?"

"If I change my mind, I'll call you," I said.

"Bella."

"Yeah?"

"Bella, I saw..."

"You saw what?"

"You know what. I just got a new job and met an incredibly hot guy, so I'm letting you off the hook tonight. We will talk about this tomorrow though."

"Okay, maybe I'll see you later than," she said.

I laid my phone on my bed. I knew what Alice saw. It was going to be a repeat of the first night I had the dream and she touched my hand. I sighed and pushed the thought out of my mind. Maybe I should try to sleep.

Sleep? Was I crazy, but I was so tired and strangely satisfied. That thought was a bit disturbing, but it was true. I hadn't had good sex like that in a very long time. I don't think I'd ever had an orgasm like _that _before. The real thing would probably kill me.

That dream, or whatever it was, had been so much better than the last ones. No more Charlie or that stupid letter, but I still hadn't seen his face. That was beyond frustrating, but these were just dreams not memories.

Well, that was just fucking depressing.

I looked at my computer screen again.

La tua cantante.

I should have stayed awake.

***

Again with the hospital dream. No, I wanted the biting sex dream!

Dammit!

I could see Charlie pacing out in the hall. Loud voices again. He was yelling at someone. Was it him? I tried to sit up but my body felt heavy, like there was a huge weight sitting on my chest.

Where was he? He promised he wouldn't leave me! The stupid letter floated to the floor.

Cold hands on me. Someone staring into my eyes. It was making me dizzy.

Stop! Stop! I wanted to scream, but my voice wasn't working.

"_I don't know if this is going to work." _

Who was talking? It was a familiar voice, one I had heard before, but right now I couldn't place it.

"_This better work. I don't want her to remember anything." _

Charlie?

"_I'm good at what I do, but your daughter has a very strong mind, some sort of barrier. I'm lucky I got past it, but I don't know how long it will last. I might be able to make her forget, but I cannot make him forget." _

_"He's your problem. She is mine. You said you could erase everything from her my mind." _

"_I did the best I could. I never guaranteed anything." _

It was a fade to black moment. A going down a long tunnel into the darkness. I opened my eyes and I was in my room in Phoenix. Alice was staring at me with a funny look on her face.

***

I sat up so fast I almost knocked my laptop on the floor.

Crap, I'd fallen asleep again. I had to quit doing that.

I remembered the moment. It was the first time I'd had a dream with Alice around. He was in that dream. I had him pressed up against a tree. His face was buried in my neck. I had freaked Alice out when I moaned out loud. She shook me until I woke up. Never ever have an erotic dream at a sleepover. I tried to apologize, explain myself, but then she touched my hand and had that vision, freaking us both out.

It was also the first time we talked about going to school in Portland. I was beginning to wonder if I should have listened to Renee and attended ASU.

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**Well...what did you think? Thanks for all your reviews. I really do appreciate them. I'm doing the best I can bouncing back and forth between the two stories I'm working on. Next chapter needs a minor revision/edit and it will be ready to post. I listened to _Soaked_ by Adam Lambert when writing the steamy sequence. The song was written by Muse. Maybe I'll get lucky and have a biting sex dream tonight! **


	9. Chapter 9 Endlessly Haunted

**Sorry it took so long, but I was having a blast over at Game On Baby. Been feeling a little Emo lately so it was the perfect time to get back to working on this story. Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I'm not sure what belongs to me? Also, since the judgemental writing police are out and about...this story is rated M for a reason. If you don't like that sort of stuff, don't read it. Then it can't offend you. Drizl steps off her soap box. And now back to the fun! **

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**Chapter 9**

**Endlessly Haunted**

**Edward**

So far my fucking day had sucked. The scarf was still sitting on the couch. After I had seen the girl with the familiar walk disappear down the block, I hid in my bedroom for the rest of the afternoon. I didn't know what to think anymore. I swear if I knew of a place for insane vampires, I would have hauled my ass down there immediately.

Instead I chose to torture myself with memories of her again. Why did I keep bringing them to the surface? It was that fucking scarf. I should burn the goddamn thing. I had managed to stay out of the living room for a couple of hours, but now I swear the thing was calling out to me. Why could I smell her scent on it. Was it really her scent or did I just want it to be her scent? I was starting to doubt everything.

Maybe an experiment was needed. I got up off my bed and went back out to the living room. The scarf was still lying on the couch. It looked innocent enough. I stood staring at it for about fifteen minutes before I worked up enough courage to walk over to it. My fucking God, I was freaked out by a swath of black fabric. I was fucking crazy.

I knelt down on the floor staring at that stupid ass scarf. My hand slowly reached out, fingering the fabric. At the moment, I was purposely holding my breath so I wouldn't smell it.

Maybe I had just imagined her scent. Maybe it was that girl on the street that had triggered the unwanted memory. There was only one fucking way to find out.

I took a deep breath, inhaling slowly, hoping I wouldn't smell the scent again. It hit me like a runaway freight train. I picked up the scarf and held it against my face. Over and over I breathed in her scent. That delicious, torturous fucking scent that had belonged to her and only her.

How many times did I have to ask the question before I would get an answer. Why was this happening to me? She was gone. This was not her scent. I was only imagining it. She left me, abandoning me when I needed her most.

Fuck this shit. I dropped the scarf and started to back away from it when my fucking phone rang. It actually startled me. What the hell. I couldn't take much more of this fucking weirdness. I was totally freaking out and vampires do not freak out.

"What," I yelled into the phone.

"What the fuck are you yelling at me for, Sugar Pop," Jasper asked.

"What do you want," I asked still irritated.

"Why don't you come out. Alice and her friend are meeting us over at the bar for a drink. I think you should come out. They might be bringing their other roommate and even if she doesn't show up, you could definitely do with a drink or two," Jasper hissed in my ear.

"Fine, I'll meet you over there," I growled.

"Edward, I know you don't want to hear this but you need to forget about her. She's never coming back."

"You don't have to lecture me. I know she's never fucking coming back," I said.

"Then quit acting like such a douche bag," Jasper said.

"I'll see you later," I said and hung up the phone. Jasper was right. I was acting like a fucking douche bag. I just didn't understand why all these memories had decided to assault me now.

I stared across the room at the cause of this afternoon's breakdown. No sense in hanging on to the scarf. I would return it to Alice tonight. After all, it was her scarf.

I should have left it on the fucking couch because another memory slammed into me. I didn't have any choice but to hang on and relive it.

***

I had been thinking about it for the past week and maybe tonight I would say the words to her. I was pretty damn sure I was in love with her, but how could she love me back. I didn't know if I had the strength to risk telling her. She might run away from me. She already knew what I was and she hadn't left yet, but I still had a ton of insecurities. An insecure vampire. That was something new, but I didn't know if I could bear losing her.

I pulled up into her driveway, still arguing with myself about the possibility of saying the words. For now, I decided I would just wait and see. Better safe than sorry. No use to rush into anything. We had all the time in the world.

She stepped out into the yard and I wanted to rush over to her, screaming the words. I'd probably scare her half to death. I mean, we had barely talked about what I was and how we were going to work things out and I wanted to tell her I fucking loved her.

She wanted to take our relationship to the next level. She was ready. I didn't know if I was. I'd had sex with humans before, but never with anyone I cared for. I wanted it all and I wasn't sure how to tell her what the all meant.

I got out of the car and met her at the passenger door. She smiled and touched my hand. My brain was on overload, shouting out, tell her, do it now, profess your undying love. I pushed the voice out of my head, focusing instead on what she was wearing.

I should have listened to the fucking voice, because what she was wearing and the proximity of her hand to my crotch, made me almost spit the words out right in her face.

She laughed and crawled into my car.

"_Let's go. Charlie's watching out the window."_

"_Right," _I said trying to remember what it was we were going to do tonight.

I managed to get into the car, start it and drive away. As we were leaving, I caught a glimpse of Charlie standing on the stoop. He did not look happy, but perhaps I was imagining things.

I hope he couldn't read minds because if he was able to break into mine he probably would have blown my head off.

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. She was chewing on her lower lip.

"_Are you okay," _I asked.

"_Of course, I'm just...I just can't believe we have the whole night," _she sighed.

I almost drove off the road. Yes, we did have the whole night and I was going to make the best of it. I had no idea what she told Charlie and frankly, I didn't give a fuck. I had her for the entire evening and I had no thoughts of returning her until tomorrow afternoon.

I pulled into the garage, shut the car off and immediately felt like I was sweating. I know that's impossible for a vampire, but I swear if I had a heartbeat, it would have been slamming out of my chest and sweat would have been pouring down my face. She must have sensed my apprehension because she got out of the car and came over to the driver's side, opened the door and pulled me out of the car.

She leaned into me, lacing her fingers around the back of my neck. She pulled my mouth down to hers and kissed me, gently at first. I wanted to take her right on the garage floor. Instead I gently moved her away from me, taking her hand and leading her into the house.

"_We have all night," _I said breathlessly.

She sighed and followed me up the stairs to my room. No one was in the house. I was thankful my family was so understanding. I didn't have to tell them to leave, they did it out of respect for my privacy and love for me and for her.

She took her jacket off and tossed it on a chair.

"_Could you turn some music on," _she asked.

I would do anything for her. I pushed the button and Debussey filled the room. I was a little embarrassed because I didn't think a teenage girl would think classical music was all that great. I was about to stop and change the CD but she surprised me by telling me she liked this music.

We stood apart from each other for several more minutes. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. The moonlight was streaming in through my windows lighting up the whole room, but it was her beauty that took my breath away.

Her lips slowly parted and she said my name. I was helpless. She had me under her spell. As much as I wanted her blood, I wanted her body more. Tonight there would be no blood spilled.

I couldn't bear to be apart from her anymore. Her scent was calling me. I needed to feel her. She was awakening things in me that had never before been alive. I had truly been dead before she came into my life and even though I had no beating heart, she brought me back to life.

This was the first night we made love. I could feel it everywhere, so why couldn't I tell her. What was holding me back. I wanted to kneel before her and profess my undying love for her, but I was too freaked out by all the emotions that were bubbling under my skin. I never thought I would feel anything but lust. Lust was easy to feel. Lust I understood. What I was feeling for her was overwhelming and scared the crap out of me. For Christ sakes, I was a vampire. I wasn't supposed to be afraid of anything, especially a silly emotion like love.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, bringing me out of my memory.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"Hey, you coming out?"

It was Jasper. I could barely hear him over the thumping music. Did I really want to go out tonight?

"Edward?"

"Yeah, I'll be there shortly," I answered.

I didn't need to stay here and dwell on the past anymore. I knew what I was and I knew who I was. I had no insecurities anymore because I knew no one would ever love me. I was not worthy of love.

However, lust I could handle. Lust I understood and tonight I would satisfy my lust at the bar.

I should have fucking stayed home.

The bar was packed with people. I could smell blood everywhere. I could see Jasper and Emmett with the new girls over in a dark corner. Jasper had his hand on the Pixie girl's leg. Shit, it wasn't even going to take him two days.

I decided to get a snack before I would join them. I didn't know how long I was going to be able to handle them fawning all over those girls. It didn't look like they had brought the third girl along so I was safe for a little bit.

I pushed my way through the crowd to the back of the bar. A girl with short blonde hair was leaning against the wall. No one was near her. She seemed to be crying. Perfect. I swooped in on her. She glanced up at me, staring back with her deep brown eyes. They had to be brown. I frowned but chased the thoughts of brown eyes out of my head. No more thinking about that shit.

The girl was still watching me. I could see the trust growing in her eyes and I worked my magic on her. I leaned into her, pressing her into the wall. I let my mouth slide down her jawline coming to a stop right at her pulsating artery. The venom that would numb was sliding down my teeth. I ran my teeth over the spot twice more before I sliced into her skin. The hot blood ran down my throat causing me to let out a small moan. She tossed her head back against the wall, clutching at my back. I released her throat, giving the two small holes a quick lick.

"What's your name," I asked her.

"Uh," she stammered.

"It doesn't matter," I mumbled and walked away from her. I wasn't up for the game tonight. All these memories had fucking worn me out and I needed to get rid of this scarf. I could still smell her on it.

"Hey, 'bout time you showed up," Emmett shouted.

I nodded my head and pulled a chair up to the table.

Jasper leaned over and whispered in my ear. " You look sated."

"Yeah, I grabbed a little snack on the way over."

"Bringing anything home tonight," he asked. I watched as he moved his hand up higher on the Pixie girl's leg. It was almost under her skirt. I was so losing the bet with Emmett. More than likely I would see her tomorrow morning coming out of Jasper's bedroom.

"Alice, this is my brother, Edward," Jasper said. I held out my hand to her and she quickly shook it.

"I believe this is yours," I said and pulled the scarf out of my jacket pocket.

"Oh, thank God, I thought I'd lost the damn thing. It's my roommate's favorite scarf and she would have killed me."

Alice grabbed the scarf and unceremoniously stuffed it in her bag. I wanted it back. I wanted to rub it over my face again and inhale her scent. Emmett punched me.

"Sugar Pop, this is Rosalie Hale."

"Edward, my name is Edward," I grunted and took her hand. It hit me harder than the smell of the scarf. Before I knew what I was doing, I had grabbed Rosalie's wrist and yanked her across the table.

"What the fuck Edward," Emmett shouted. Rosalie was now in my lap. It was her sleeve. There was blood droplets on her sleeve. It was her. La tua Cantante. Emmett was still shouting and I was sniffing this girl's arm like I was doing a line of cocaine. I wanted to fucking bite her.

Now it was Rosalie's turn to freak out on me. She was screaming a line of obscenities and trying to pull her arm away from me. Not that it mattered, I could have killed her in a matter of seconds, but Emmett was in my face as well.

"Edward, let her go," Emmett yelled.

I was trying, but I couldn't. The scent was overwhelming me, taking control of me. I could feel Jasper tugging on my arm. I shut down and let him steer me away from Rosalie.

"What the fuck, Edward," Jasper hissed at me.

"There's blood on her sleeve," I said.

"So."

"It's her blood," I choked out.

"What the hell are you talking about," Jasper growled.

"I can smell her blood on Rosalie's sleeve." Jasper had me by the elbow and was leading me to the back of the bar. The blonde girl was still leaning up against the wall. I had a great urge to run over and bite her again. Jasper pushed me down in a chair.

"Talk," he grumbled.

"The girl, Rosalie, I could smell drops of blood on her sleeve."

"So what, Edward. You just fed."

"Jasper, it was her blood," I said.

"Who's fucking blood," he asked.

"Bella's."

"You can't be fucking serious. Bella is not here. She is not coming back to you. There is absolutely no fucking way that Rosalie has Bella's blood on her sleeve. You must be imagining it."

I dropped my head on the table. "I think I'm going fucking crazy. I actually thought I saw her today and your little girlfriend's..." I paused.

"You stay away from Alice." He glared at me.

"It's not like that Jazz. I could smell Bella on her scarf."

"Well, that just proves you're nuts. I think you should take that blonde home and try to relax," he said, pointing at the woman I had an snack from earlier in the evening.

"No, I'm just going home."

I stood up and headed to the exit. I needed to distance myself from Alice, Rosalie and my two brothers before anything else insane happened tonight. I knew I should have fucking stayed home tonight.

Jasper yelled my name, but I didn't turn around. I gave him a wave and left the bar. Instead of going back to the house I wandered the streets for several hours. For some reason I was drawn to a small apartment building. I stood under the street lamp in the drizzling rain staring at a dimly lit small room. The curtains fluttered and I could see the outline of a girl getting ready for bed. I dashed away before she could spot me. I didn't want anyone to think I was a fucking peeping tom.

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**Song for this chapter is Endlessly by Green River Ordinance**

**Okay, the next chapter is complete and I'll put it up in a few days. If you liked this chappie leave a little love. I told you I've been feeling all Emo lately. If any of you need a break from the angst and haven't read my other story Game on Baby. Check it out. It's good for a laugh or two. Drizl **


	10. Chapter 10 Just Fcked

**This chapter was orginally written for a twific autoerotic contest, but Real Life interfered and I missed the deadline. I still think it's a f*ckhawt chapter. **

**Just your friendly reminder that this story is rated M for a reason. If ya don't like M rated stuff, don't read it...problems avoided. I can't believe I have to write that everytime. Also, I am not Stephenie Meyer. Everything Twilight belongs to her. I'm just borrowing everyone for a bit and making their lives more interesting. Drizl **

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**Chapter 10**

**Just Fucked**

**BELLA**

Alice pulled into the first parking space right in front of the restaurant. It had been a long day and I was starving. I was cranky and tired. Looking for a job sucked. Unpacking sucked. Purple sucked. The drizzly rain sucked. Pretty much everything sucked today. I think I actually missed the sunshine of Phoenix.

I stepped out of her car listening to her chatter about some guy she had met at one of the coffee shops she applied at. How did she do it? She goes to one place, gets a job and meets a cute guy. I, on the other hand, had an epic fail day. First I couldn't find the shoes I wanted to wear, so I had to settle. I should have known the day was only going to get worse. I got sidetracked and was late to my first job interview at the bookstore. I'm sure I made a wonderful impression, rushing in all disorganized and wearing the wrong fucking shoes.

Don't think about it anymore.

Alice was still talking about this wonderful guy with the dark, beautiful eyes and gorgeous blonde hair. I think his name was Jasper? I was about to ask her when I stopped dead in my tracks. I had to reach out and grab the car door to steady myself.

"Bella, are you listening to me," Alice snapped. I looked up at her. Her arms were folded across her chest and she was tapping her foot on the pavement.

"Huh," I blinked at her.

I was saved from a lecture when someone called out her name.

"Alice, baby, is that you?"

She squealed and left me standing in the parking lot staring off into the distance.

It took me a few seconds before I realized I was fixated on a car. It was sitting alone in the far corner of the lot under a street lamp. A silver Volvo. Why was I so intrigued with this car. I had never been one that was impressed with vehicles before. I mean I knew the difference between a Porsche and Honda, but if the car worked, I didn't really care what it looked like. But this car was different. For some unknown reason, I wanted, no I _needed_ to touch it.

I started to walk across the parking lot, losing focus on what I was supposed to be doing, something about a restaurant and food. Right now, I didn't have a clue. I just knew I wanted to see that fucking car. I_ had_ to feel that car.

"Bells," Alice yelled. "Where the hell are you going?"

"I'll meet you inside," I hollered. I could see the confusion on her face. I had no idea what I would tell her. She wouldn't believe I wanted to go look at some car. I stood frozen for a few seconds.

I looked back at Alice. Wait, was that a guy standing with her? Now I was confused. Finally she shrugged her shoulders and disappeared into the restaurant with him. Who the hell was he and where did he come from? I couldn't think about that. I needed to see that car up close and personal. I had lost my fucking mind. I started toward the car, picking up my pace.

When I was finally close enough to touch it, I stopped and circled it, stalking it like it was my prey.

My breathing hitched as my fingers reached out to touch the hood. A shot of electricity ran up my arm when my fingers met the cold metal of the car body. I jerked my hand back. For a moment I couldn't breathe.

And then I totally lost my shit and ran my hands across the hood, like I was stroking someone's cold, hard chest. I wanted to crawl on top of it. I wanted to feel every line of that hood under my body.

I moaned out loud. Holy shit, I was going to have an orgasm rubbing up against the hood of some fucking car. This was getting very disturbing. I moved away for a second, trying to catch my breath.

This was crazy. What the hell was going on with me? I turned to go back to the restaurant, but something held me.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds. Green eyes, watching me. Always watching me.

What was wrong with me? Did it matter anymore? I had been fucked up for so long, what was one more weird thing to add to the ever growing list. I didn't care anymore. I cupped my hands and peered through the window into the passenger side of the car. I wanted to crawl inside and curl up on the leather seats. For some reason they looked familiar. Safe. Sensuous.

Sensuous? Seriously, they were just fucking car seats. Could lack of food and caffeine make a person totally insane?

I heard music. Had someone turned the music on? Was it coming from inside the car? The song tugged at something deep inside me. It made my chest hurt again. I stumbled and reached out, grabbing the handle of the door. It popped open. Who the fuck didn't lock their car doors, especially this car.

I looked around to see if anyone was watching me. This was nuts. I shouldn't do this, but the need was too much. I climbed into the car, settling down into the seat. I laid my head back and took a deep breath, taking a minute to collect my thoughts. I leaned forward and ran my fingers over the counsel and across to the steering wheel.

A scent swirled around me, stirring up weird feelings. It overwhelmed me with emotions. Lust. Love. Heartbreak. Loss. Loneliness. My chest was constricting. It was painful to breathe. I buried my face in my hands, drowning in the feelings for a few moments.

Suddenly, the car was moving. I was sitting in the passenger seat watching as the scenery blew by me. Was this real? Where the fuck was I and who the hell was driving? At first I was scared to look but my curiosity won out.

I slowly turned my head to the driver, but he had his fucking hood up so his face was obscured from me. I wanted to reach over and yank it away from his face. Instead, my hand betrayed me, and went to the waistband of his jeans. I felt his ab muscles flinch as I ran my fingers around to the front of his pants.

Whoa, he was so hard...for me.

And then everything stopped and knocked me on my ass.

I was currently sitting in the damp grass, staring up at that fucking silver Volvo. I think it was laughing at me.

What had just happened? Was it a memory or just a dream I had created. I got to my feet, slammed the car door shut and stumbled toward the restaurant. I was surprised Alice hadn't sent a search party out to look for me.

I started up the steps and a guy and a girl came bolting out the door. She was giggling, leaning into him. He had his arm thrown over her shoulders. She was trying to lick his neck. As we passed, his hand brushed mine and that same electric feeling I had felt when I touched that stupid car rocketed up my arm.

I gasped.

"Sorry," I muttered as I pushed my way into the restaurant.

**EDWARD**

What the fuck was that?

My head jerked up as my hand brushed against that girl who just ran into the restaurant. A full bolt of electricity ran up arm and a scent I hadn't tasted for two years slammed into me. I must be losing my shit. The woman attached to my arm was trying to lick my neck. What the fuck was her name again? I stopped, pushing her away from me.

"Hey, what's wrong," she asked.

"Uh, nothing, I have to go. This isn't fucking going to happen tonight," I said, raking my hand through my hair.

"But..."

"Look I'm sorry, but I forgot...I'll walk you to your car."

"Forget it. You are so NOT worth it," she said and stomped away from me.

What the fuck? I just gave up my dinner because of another fucking hallucination.

My mind was running away from me. Maybe I should go back to the restaurant and see who that girl was. Shit, maybe it was her. No, it couldn't be and even if it was, they told me she didn't want to have anything to do with me. And her letter had confirmed it.

I stumbled to my Volvo, lost in the confusion of the night.

I opened my car door and it hit me like a fucking cement truck, almost knocking me on my ass. Her scent, that familiar intoxicating scent that was her and her alone, swirled around me, torturing me.

It fucking smothered me.

I got in and slammed the car door, not wanting to loose any of her smell to the night air. I was losing my fucking mind, but the scent was so strong. Had she been here or had I finally crossed the line. Maybe I really was insane?

Get a grip Cullen. What the hell would she be doing here? She hated my guts. Someone must be fucking with me. Maybe Jazz or Emmett. Probably Emmett because I tried to bite his fucking date the other night. What was her name? Rosalie?

Right. Emmett bottled Bella's fucking scent and dumped it in my car.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, enjoying and hating the scent of her.

I was asking the why now question again. Up until a couple weeks ago, things had been getting better for me. I didn't think about her every moment of my life anymore. I was moving on. It had been close to two years and I was finally moving on...or was I.

Every woman I had been with never quite measured up to her. And yet, I kept trying. There had been a lot of fucking women since her. I know it wasn't fair to compare them to her, but that's the way it always ended.

I gripped the steering wheel and took another deep breath.

Fuck.

Venom filled my mouth making me want to fly out of the car and bite someone's head off...literally.

I leaned the seat back, closing my eyes. The addict was back again.

"Just let it come. Just for a moment," I whispered and disappeared into my memory.

***

We were coming home from Port Angeles after an evening out. It was our first real date. I mean we had been hanging out at school, fooling around a little and stuff, but this was an official date. It took me about month before I'd finally gotten the nerve up to ask her out. She sorta scared the crap out of me.

I was fucking nervous and being stupid. She was sweet and thoughtful the entire evening. I was a bumbling idiot, scared I would fuck something up and send her screaming into the night or worse. Yeah I could lose my shit and kill her.

This was so stupid. Why date a fucking human? I was only asking for trouble. But she was different. I couldn't stay away from her, no matter how hard I tried. And believe me, I fucking tried. I even left for a while, but after a few days, I came home with my tail between my legs, hungering for her. I was a whipped puppy.

The evening had been stressful for me. I didn't know how to act around her which was so fucking lame because I was Edward Cullen and I knew how to treat a woman. This woman turned me into a blithering fool.

And why had I decided to take her out to eat?

Beyond stupid.

I didn't eat. I mean I ate, but what I wanted wasn't on the menu. She was currently seated across the table from me.

I spent the evening pushing food around my plate while she picked at hers. And then _it_ - the mother fucking biggest secret of my life, came up over our casual dinner conversation.

She knew. She knew what I was and it freaked the shit out of me, but it didn't seem to bother her at all. I wondered if this girl was all there? I mean what sort of person wouldn't be freaked out to be on a dinner date with a vampire.

"Edward, I know what you are," she whispered.

I leaned closer to her.

"Vampire."

The word came out all sexy and breathy. Jesus Christ.

I was convinced she would never want to see me again. I paid the bill and we left the restaurant. I didn't know what to say after she dropped the vampire bombshell on me, so I stayed quiet hoping for something from her.

This had been the strangest date I had ever been on. I could barely think around this woman. Maybe it was because all I was thinking about was touching her. Yeah, so touching wasn't all I had in mind. I wanted to fuck her. I wanted to taste her. I wanted her blood.

Motherfucker!

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. I didn't really have to pay attention to the road. I knew this road by heart. Hell, the car probably knew the way home.

I gave Bella a little smile because I couldn't seem to get my mouth to work properly. I was a mute idiot.

She smiled back. Her smile could melt just about anything.

She leaned forward. I thought she was going to turn up the music, instead her hand was suddenly at the waistband of my jeans and before I knew what the fuck was going on, she popped open the buttons of my pants. Christ, I almost fucking drove off the road.

She looked up at me and giggled. She fucking giggled. Did she really expect me to stay on the road? Holy Fuck!

I gripped the steering wheel, trying desperately not to rip it right out of the steering column. Was this girl fucking crazy? She knew what I was and yet, she wanted me. I tried to focus on the road. She, on the other hand, was now slowly stroking my dick. She swirled her thumb around the tip, spreading the liquid love that was oozing out.

"Jesusfuckingchrist," I choked out.

"Is there a problem, Edward?"

She smiled at me again. Her chocolate brown eyes sparkled as they met mine.

"No, uh, no problem. It's just that...HolyFuck!"

She had now leaned across the counsel and was licking the tip of my throbbing dick. It felt so good I wanted to weep and I definitely needed to pull the car off the road. Either that or I was going to drive my sweet Volvo into a fucking tree, which would not be a good thing for her or my car.

She leaned further into me, taking more of my dick into my mouth. I think I was hitting the back of her throat. I was gripping the steering wheel so hard it was going to turn to metal shavings.

I needed to pull off the road.

"Unnhhh."

I whipped the wheel, slammed on the brakes and stopped the car about three inches from a fucking tree.

She never flinched.

Incoherent growling noises came out of my throat. She moaned. The sensation vibrated through my entire dick. I was not going to last much longer and it was going to be violent. She positioned herself at a better angle and was now bobbing up and down on my dick. Her hair fanned out across my lap obscuring my view of her mouth. I buried my hands into her long luscious locks.

"Fuck," I moaned, loudly as I felt her teeth graze the sides of my dick. I wondered if a vampire could die from a blow job.

I had to take my hands out of her hair before I pulled a fistful out. I gripped the side of my seat holding on for dear life.

"Bella, I'm gonna...I can't...Holy Fuck..."

I let go.

She didn't move. I thought maybe I killed her. That was one fucking wild release. I touched her hair just as she released my dick with a very audible slurp.

She swallowed and grinned at me.

Fuck me. She swallowed and smiled. I was speechless.

She reached across me, releasing my seat belt and hitting the button to move the seat back. Oh my fucking God, she _was_ going to kill me.

My eyes widened as she climbed across the counsel and straddled my lap. She started grinding against me. It didn't take long before she had me ready to go again.

I reached up, pulling her face down to mine. Our lips met,sending electricity pulsing through my body. I could feel her heart beat pounding out of her chest, the sound of her blood thrumming through her body, the scent of her lust. It was sending me into a frenzy. I was about to lose it.

"Edward." She softly whispered my name, sending a calmness through me.

I froze, closed my eyes and concentrated on kissing her. Her hot lips forming around my cold hard lips. Holy fuck she tasted so good.

"Edward, I need you. All of you," she begged.

God she was begging for me.

"You have to help me stay calm," I said. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Edward," she said, biting her lip and ruffling my hair. "You won't hurt me. Just let me lead."

Let her lead. Fuck me.

She put her hands on my shoulders and shoved me back against the seat. She leaned forward and ran her tongue over my bottom lip. Her kiss was soft at first, slowly building and then she shoved her tongue into my mouth. I was so hard again, it was almost painful.

She broke the kiss and moved down my neck, nipping and licking. She stopped at my shoulder and bit down hard. I think she drew blood. I heard her smack her lips. I growled. She moaned against my skin.

I clutched the side of the seat harder, trying to stay in control. She was taking sexy to a new level for me. Christ.

Her hands moved down my chest, across my abs and settled on my dick again. She stroked it gently. My eyes fucking crossed.

She hitched her skirt up so I could feel her wetness soaking through her panties. I took several deep breaths before I dared move. I ran my hand up her soft, silky thigh until I came to the lace strip. It was them or me. I ripped, she gasped and then there was nothing between us anymore. She hovered over me, positioning herself above me. I didn't dare move. She slowly lowered herself down my length.

"Oh, Edward," she breathed my name.

It was almost more than I could handle. She was so tight, so wet, so hot. I cupped her ass and moved into her, raising my hips and pushing harder.

She groaned so loud I had to stop to make she I wasn't hurting her.

I looked up at her face. Her eyes were half closed, lips open slightly. Everything was moving in slow motion. She rocked against me. I wasn't going to last much longer. It was all too much for me.

There was so much venom in my mouth I couldn't taste anything else. She moved forward, pressing her forehead up against mine. The switch in position made me move deeper into her. I felt her tongue graze my lips. I moaned again. I couldn't help myself. I nipped at her. She squealed and lifted off me.

Christ, did I scare her? But then this sweet girl slammed back down on me so hard, I screamed.

"Holy fucking shit," I moaned.

What next? I should have kept my thoughts in check because what came next almost made my eyes pop out of my head.

She sat straight up and lifted her hair away from her neck, leaning forward almost as if she was daring me. The tip of my nose was buried in the hollow of her throat. I swear I was drooling venom.

"Taste me," she whispered.

Holyalmightymotherfuckinggod, did she just say taste me?

She didn't have to ask twice. I licked her salty skin, tasting the sweetness of her. My throat burst into flames and more venom dripped down my teeth. Christ I was going to drown in the shit. I forced myself to swallow and ran my tongue up her throat, stopping at her jawline. She was panting.

"Do it, Edward," she growled.

I was there, so close to the edge and she was tempting me. All I had to do was control the amount of venom and she would be fine. Right, I was drowning in the shit, but her pulse was pounding into my ears, the scent of her blood hidden beneath her skin teased and tortured me. And then I lost my shit and sank my fangs into her neck. She screamed my name and I came, releasing into her.

I could feel her body pulsing against mine and I could taste the sweet nectar of her. The blood that sang to me was now coursing through my veins again.

I let go of her and she collapsed on my chest, mumbling my name over and over.

"Are you okay," I asked almost fearful to hear her answer.

"Oh my gawd, that was incredible!"

Incredible? The word echoed through my head. She wasn't appalled by me. She wasn't turned off by me. I had bitten her. I had been able to control it, to stop when I was sated. I drank her blood and she wasn't running, screaming into the night. She was mine. Mine. All mine. I wanted to mark her, over and over.

She climbed off me, blushing as she searched for her panties.

"Uh, yeah, about those," I smirked, holding up a few scraps of lace. "Sorry."

She giggled and shrugged her shoulders. I stuffed the fabric into the pocket of my jeans.

She relaxed back into her seat, sighing quietly. A song drifted through the car. She moved forward again, but this time she turned up the radio. Damn, I was rather hoping she would touch me again. I started the car up and took her home.

It was hard to let her go. She opened the door, coming around to my side. I rolled the window down, she leaned in, and softly kissed me.

"Thank you," she whispered. I watched as she disappeared into her house.

She fucking thanked me. It should be me who was thanking her. And then it filled me. My epiphany. I really did love her. I grinned like a goddamn idiot and jammed the car into gear.

That had been the best night of my entire existence. My whole car smelled like her. I should fucking bottle this shit. I'd call it _Just Fucked. _I'd make a fucking fortune. Of course, I would need to put a warning label on the fucking bottle because smelling it could cause spontaneous erections.

Fuck, I was hard again.

***

I hated remembering how good it had been.

I hadn't thought about that night for so long, but it still made my fucking chest hurt. Before her I had never felt anything, now when I wanted to be numb, everything fucking intensified. I was still in love with her and I hated her for leaving me.

I couldn't take it anymore. I ripped the CD out of its slot and smashed it, almost immediately regretting my action. I knew I would only burn another one, because this was the song that played the first time she made love to me in my car.

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**Song on Edward's CD is Buckcherry ~ _Open My Eyes_**

**Thanks to everyone who is reading this story. I promise "the Meeting" is coming up soon. Push that little Review button! A special shout out to all the RAoR ladies. One year and still going strong! Cheers ~ Drizl **


	11. Chapter 11 What's Wrong with Everyone

**Yeah, yeah, I know it's been forever, but my imagination decided to go on hiatus but it's back with a vengenace so things should be getting back to normal. The characters do not belong to me, but the story content does. Remember this fic is rated M for a reason. if it's not your thing don't read it. **

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**Chapter 11**

**What's Wrong with Everyone**

**Bella **

I raced up the last steps of the restaurant almost running into some guy with crazy blonde hair. What was it with guys tonight? He quickly sidestepped me, grunted an apology and ran out the door. I shook my head and stepped into the restaurant. I could see Alice waving from a table. I was almost afraid to approach her. What the hell was I going to tell her? I'm sure she was going to wonder what the hell I had been doing outside. Well, Alice, there was this car and I wanted to fuck it. Could my life get any more crazy.

"Hi Alice, Sorry, I took so long," I mumbled.

"Hey, did you see Jasper," she cooed.

"Huh, no, oh, maybe that was the guy I almost ran into," I said. Well, thank gawd for small miracles, I seemed to be off the hook. No explanation needed. Alice was too preoccupied with the boy, so I didn't have to explain to her I had been outside seducing a fucking car.

"Wasn't he beautiful," she sighed. Her eyes glazed over and she left me for a few minutes.

"Jeez, Alice, you just met the guy," I said rolling my eyes.

"I know, but there's something about him. I can't put my finger on it. I've never met anyone like Jasper before," she said in a very breathy voice.

I groaned and rolled my eyes again, because Alice said this about every guy she dated. He was always going to be the one who would sweep her off her feet and love her for an eternity. I wanted to smack her over the head. That sort of love didn't exist for anyone.

My phone buzzed before I could tell Alice she was crazy. It was an unfamiliar number, but I answered anyway. Good thing I did because it was the guy from the bookstore offering me the job. I accepted and hung up the phone. I was a little stunned, but happy. I didn't think my interview had gone all that well. Finally something was going right.

"Who was that," Alice asked.

"I just got hired at the bookstore."

"Oh Bella, that's great news!" She reached across the table for my hand but I yanked it away from her before she could touch me. I didn't need any more of her visions ruining my already crappy day.

"Sorry, Alice, but every time you touch me, you see something freaky. I don't need any of that shit today."

"Good idea," Alice said smiling at me.

Maybe this day was going to turn out okay. The waiter came and took our order. The dinner was good and I was starting to relax, letting go of all the weird things that had happened the last few days. Alice talked incessantly about Jasper and Emmett. I guess Rose hit it off with Emmett.

"What did you guys do last night?"

Oh fuck, the question was out before I could take it back. I didn't want to know if she had steamy sex with her boss. Alice was all about telling me all the details.

"We hung out at a bar. Nothing much, but we did meet the other brother. He's a bit weird, really hot, but weird," Alice said.

"Weird? Why," I asked.

"We were all sitting around a table having a few drinks when he comes sauntering up with a smirk on his face. We do the introductions and all of a sudden he grabs Rose by the wrist and I swear he yanks her across the table. He had his nose pressed up against her wrist like he wanted to lick her arm"

"And you guys wanted to set me up with him," I grunted.

"Well, besides that small incident, he is really hot. Tall, lanky, lean muscles, messy copper hair, green eyes," she paused waiting for a reaction. I gave her nothing. "I still think you should meet him, even if he is a little off center."

I grumbled and turned away from her. I didn't need a freaky guy in my life, I had enough problems without adding this guy to the mix.

We both finished our dinner. I could tell Alice was thinking about Jasper again. I swear she was drooling. We'd only been here a few days and already Alice was in over her head.

"Bella, you ready to get out of here," Alice asked.

"Yeah, I'm supposed to go in to the bookstore tomorrow to get my hours and get trained in."

"I start at the coffee shop tomorrow," she sighed.

"I'll be right back. I need to use the bathroom before we go," I said.

"Sure," she said and went back to dreaming about her boss.

Alice was in so much trouble. How could fucking your boss be a good thing?

When I came out of the bathroom Alice was standing with her back to me talking to Jazzy. What the heck was he doing here and how did Alice know Jazzy? I smiled and waved.

"Hey Jazzy," I said brushing by Alice.

"Huh," he grunted at me and his jaw dropped to the ground.

Wait a minute. What the fuck just happened? Did I say hey Jazzy to this guy?

Alice grabbed my arm. "Bella? Do you know Jasper Whitlock?"

I shook her loose before she went into vision mode. I backed away from her and stared at the tall blonde guy. He looked a little green like he might pass out. I felt the exact same way.

"No," I stuttered. " I just figured he was the guy you've been talking about."

"You just said...you said...hey Jazzy. I've never called him Jazzy before," she stuttered. "Jasper do you know my roommate? Bella Swan?"

Jasper looked like he wanted to disappear. "Uh, no."

Alice narrowed her eyes at Jasper and then turned on me. If looks could kill both Jasper and I would have dropped dead on the spot.

I was confused. I didn't know Jasper did I? When I came out of the bathroom and saw him it was almost like I knew him. I stared at him some more. Hmm, maybe there was something familiar about him, but right now I couldn't put my finger on it. Jasper shifted uncomfortably under the weight of my stares.

"Sorry," I mumbled and looked down at the ground. "Can we just go home."

"Uh, why don't you take my car home Bella. I'll catch a ride with Jasper," she said. "Is that okay Jasper?"

He nodded his head. I don't think he could speak. What the fuck was wrong with everyone today?

She handed me her keys. I grabbed them and hightailed it out of the restaurant. Could things get any more weird. I took the steps two at a time, dashing out into the parking lot. A stupid silver Volvo almost ran into me. Holy shit, it was that same car I had been dry humping earlier this evening.

I hit the hood with my fist, flipped the person off and jumped into Alice's car, speeding away before I could think about anything.

**Jasper **

I stared as Bella ran out of the restaurant. Bella Swan in the flesh. Holy fuck.

Good God Edward was on his way back to pick me up. He could run into Bella. This was so not good, but if he ran into her I would be off the hook. Maybe this was a good thing.

"Alice, I need to use the facilities, I'll be right back," I said.

"Sure, I need to take care of the bill," she gave me a small smile.

She still looked a little confused. Hell, I was confused. I watched Alice talking with a waiter. Damn she was so cute. I wanted to smash her up against the wall and grope her, but there was no time for that shit. I needed to quit thinking about getting with Alice. We had serious problems.

I sprinted into the bathroom. I needed to call Emmett. Holy fucking shit, what the hell was I going to tell him. What the fuck were we going to do? She was here. Edward wasn't crazy. He really had smelled her scent and blood. This was going to drive him over the edge.

I punched in Emmett's number.

"You better be fucking dying," Emmett yelled into the phone.

"We have a problem," I said. I could her a woman squealing in the background. Was he already getting some for Rosalie?

Emmett grunted in my ear a few more times and then let out a loud groan. Christ, the guy had no fucking shame.

"Emmett I'm serious, we have a huge fucking problem."

"Can't it wait until tomorrow. I'm a little busy here."

"Emmett, she's in Portland."

"Who the fuck is in Portland?"

"Edward isn't fucking nuts. It's really Bella," I hissed into the phone.

"Bella who?"

"JesusChrist, Emmett pull your dick out and listen to me. It's Bella fucking Swan!" I shouted.

"Yeah right, quit fucking with me."

"Emmett I'm not kidding. Alice and Rosalie are her roommates."

"Holyfuckingshit!" I heard the phone hit the ground along with a long string of obscenities.

"Did you talk to her? What the fuck did she say to you," Emmett shouted.

"I'm not sure if she remembers me?"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I don't know. First she smiles and calls me Jazzy and the next minute she says she doesn't know who the fuck I am."

"Are you sure it's her? Maybe she has a twin."

"Shut the fuck up Emmett. It's her."

"Does Edward know," he asked.

"No, not yet."

"What the fuck are we going to do?"

"How the hell should I know," I shouted. "Listen, I gotta go. Alice is waiting for me and Edward is picking us up."

"Christ," Emmett mumbled.

"We'll be home in a little bit."

I snapped my phone shut and dailed Edward again. Maybe he would answer screaming out her name, but I had no such luck. He yelled about some bitch touching his car and said he was outside the restaurant. I stumbled out of the bathroom and went to meet up with Alice. I'm sure Edward would smell Bella on her again, but there wasn't anything I could do about that. I was still trying to process Bella's reaction to me. Did she really not remember me or was she covering. Fuck, Edward was going to freak when he found out she was here in Portland and Emmett and I were chasing after her roommates.

**Edward**

Jesus Christ, that chick had come out of nowhere. I slammed the breaks on and narrowly missed running into her. She punched the hood of my car, flipped me off and jumped in a car, taking off before I could say anything. There better not be a fucking dent on my car. Bitch. What was it with girls these last few days. I couldn't take much more of this shit.

Fucking Jazz. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be back at this crappy restaurant. I swear he does shit like this on purpose. First he tells me he has a ride home and then he calls back needing a ride home. I should have told him to take a fucking cab. I wasn't his driver.

I sucked in another deep breath of air. Her scent still lingered in my car. Dammit, I couldn't get her out of my mind and apparently my dick was thinking about her too. Great, just what I needed another fucking hard-on.

I was busy trying to think of anything shitty to get my erection to disappear when I was interrupted by Jasper and his new pixie girl. What the fuck was her name?

They climbed in and I saw Jasper sniff the air. He gave me a weird look. I just shrugged my shoulders and whipped out of the parking lot. I wasn't going to try and explain something I knew nothing about. He told me Pixie girl's address which turned out wasn't that far from our house. No wonder she wanted the job at the coffee shop. Well, that and the fact she looked like she wanted to get in Jasper's pants just as bad as he wanted in hers. God, everyone was hooking up with someone. My fucking life sucked.

Jasper was unusually quiet for Jasper. He was always bouncing off the walls especially when he had a new play thing. I hadn't expected to drop her off at her house. We were moving into the third day and as far as I knew, Jasper had not done the Pixie girl. Maybe I still could win the bet.

We drove back to the house in silence. Jasper jumped out of the car before I had parked the damn thing. What the fuck was up with him? I guess it really didn't matter because I was going to sit in this fucking car for a few more minutes and wallow in her lingering scent. Fucking pathetic.

I suppose I could sit in here and jack-off thinking about her again, but why did I want to keep doing this to myself? How many times did I need to tell myself to move on. I took another torturous deep breath. Her scent settled in my lungs. My fucking dead heart ached again. How could a fucking memory hurt so damn much?

"Fuck," I muttered. For the thousandth time I chastised myself and got out of the car. Get over her. Move on. I held the door open for a few minutes chasing away her scent. Tomorrow I was going to take the fucking car and have it detailed.

I slammed the door and stomped into the house. I was in desperate need of some Muse. I groaned as I adjusted myself. Unfortunately I was met at the door by Jasper and Emmett. The aroma of sex surrounded Emmett. Well, lucky him. I pushed past both of them.

"Edward, we need to talk to you," Jasper said.

"Fuck both of you," I grunted and flipped them off. I didn't need to hear how crazy I was. I already knew I'd gone over the edge.

"Edward," Emmett said.

I stopped. Why wasn't he calling me Sugar Pop? Emmett rarely used my name unless something was wrong. I turned and stared at them both.

"What?"

"You better sit down," Jasper mumbled.

"Look, I understand I've been a fucking asshole this past week, but I really don't need to hear it from either of you. There's nothing you can do. I'm trying to get it under control," I growled. "Emmett I'm fucking sorry for trying to take a bite out of your date and Jazz I'm sorry about the Pixie girl's scarf."

"Edward, will you fucking shut up for a second and let us talk," Jasper shouted. We were now standing toe to toe.

"You girls need to calm down," Emmett said and stepped in between us. "Edward go stand over there. Jazz take it down a notch. This is gonna be bad enough."

"What the fuck is going on," I snarled. I had enough of this shit.

Emmett and Jasper exchanged glances. Emmett shrugged his shoulders and Jasper groaned.

"Edward," Jasper said.

"What? What? What?" I shouted back at him. I couldn't take much more of this shit.

"Look Edward, I don't know how to say this, but you aren't fucking crazy."

"Oh, well, thanks for that Jazz. I'm beginning to think you and Emmett are the ones who are fucked up."

"Edward, she's here," Emmett said.

"Who's here," I asked narrowing my eyes at Emmett.

Jasper was furiously pacing around the room.

"Jesusfuckingchrist, Edward, Bella," Jasper muttered.

"Bella's what," I hissed.

Jasper threw his arms up in the air. "She's fucking here."

I didn't know if I'd understood what he said until Emmett spoke up.

"Bella is in Portland Edward."

I couldn't stand anymore. My legs were going to give out. I sank down to the floor. Jasper knelt down in front of me.

"Are you sure," I croaked.

"Yeah," Jasper answered.

"Does she know I'm here?"

"I don't know," Jasper said.

"Are you absolutely sure it's her," I asked again.

"Yes, Edward, I'm sure," Jasper said.

I ran my hands through my hair several times. What the fuck? I'd never felt so out of control before.

"Where," I muttered.

"Look, she's Alice and Rosalie's roommate."

I jumped to my feet. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

I was out the door and down the street before either of them could stop me. I jammed my hands into my pockets and walked or maybe I was running. I came to a stop as soon as I realized I was standing in front of the building where I had just dropped off Alice.

What the fuck was I going to do now? Beat the door down, rush in and demand to know why she left me. I leaned up against the light pole and stared at the window with a soft glow of light emanating from it. The blinds fluttered a bit. I watched as someone moved it aside and looked out into the night sky. I moved into the shadows. I didn't need...my legs were going to give out again. It was her. It had to be her. The moonlight hit her face and everything I ever felt for her flooded into my body again. It terrified the shit out me and then it just fucking pissed me off.

What the fuck was she doing here? Of all the places, she shows up here. Well, I was here first and I wasn't fucking leaving. Christ I sounded like an eight year old kid pouting about someone cutting in line.

She stepped away from the window and I watched as her light went out. How fucking appropriate.

"Edward."

I jumped.

"Jesus Christ," I hissed at Jasper.

"Come on. Let's go to the bar. You, my brother, are in definite need of some blood."

Emmett pulled up in his car. Jasper led me over to the car and shoved me in the backseat. As we were pulling away from the curb I glanced over my shoulder at the small darkened window. Was it really her? Did I want to know?

Fuck!

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**It's nice to be writing again. Thanks for sticking by me and I hope you enjoyed this chappie. My imagination is back on track so I'll have the next chapter ready next week. For those of you reading Game on Baby the new chapter will be up in a couple of days. Song for this chapter is She Hates Me by Puddle of Mudd just cuz it's a funny song. Leave a little love people maybe it will help my imagination stay put. Thanks again to everyone who is reading this story...reviewers and lurkers alike...Drizl **


	12. Chapter 12 She's WHAT?

**OMG it's been awhile since I've been here...Sorry! I told you before though, never, ever write two stories at the same time. It can f*ck a person up. But I'm back and the next chapter is already in the can so it won't be long between postings. Promise. And now a word from our sponsor...I am not Steph Meyer...as if...I'm just using Edward and making him not so sparkly. I like my vampires with a little more BITE! And remember this story is rated M for a reason...Hawt Lemons and nasty language. **

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**She's WHAT?**

**Chapter 12**

**Edward**

Jasper and Emmett dragged me off the street, shoved me into the car and drove down to a fucking bar. I'm not sure why they thought this would help me. This was probably the last place I should be. I didn't need to be in a crowded, small enclosed space right now, I needed to be alone so I could think this situation through calmly and rationally.

Fuck, there was nothing sane or rational about this entire fucking situation and I was far from calm.

Bella...here...in Portland...only a few blocks away...her roommate was going to be working at the coffee shop...Emmett was banging her other roommate...Jasper wanted to bang...Christ.

Emmett excused himself, following some redhead into the back of the bar. He would be back in about ten minutes totally sated. I could still smell the faint scent of sex lingering in air from his earlier interactions with Rose, which definitely was not helping my current situation.

How could I blame him though? This is how Emmett was and if someone was handing out sex, Emmett would always be the first in line. Especially when the chick was as hot as Rose. I may be on the way to the fucking vampire pyshco house, but I wasn't blind. She was a nice piece of tail. At least someone was having a good night. And Jasper, I was amazed he wasn't pissed at me. I think the Pixie girl would have given it up tonight, but instead he's sitting here.

What a fucked up shitty ass day. This crap with Bella is too much. I couldn't process any of it. How could she be here? Why the hell was she here? The only thing good about all this shit was at least I knew I wasn't completely insane. It really had been her scent I had been tasting. I hadn't been making it up. She was my la tua cantante and I should have trusted my instincts. No one has two singers. There was only one.

Stop thinking about her blood. She is nothing to you now and thinking about it was making my mouth water.

"Edward." Someone was talking to me.

"Huh," I muttered and wiped my mouth with my sleeve.

"You should get something to eat," Jasper hissed in my ear.

"No, I'm not..."

Jasper interrupted me. "Look Edward, you have to keep up your strength and you look like you're fucking drooling."

"Tell me again. Are you sure it was her?" I pleaded. Was I hoping he would say it wasn't her, that he made a mistake or that they were just fucking with me because they were assholes.

"Jesus Edward, for the fucking one millionth time, yes, it's her, but if you don't believe me send Emmett as a spy," Jasper snapped.

I growled at him and then my strong facade cracked a little bit. I ran my hand through my hair, moaning. "What am I going to do? I don't think I can handle seeing her. I know I can't handle talking to her."

"Then stay away from her. Maybe you should go home and hang out with Carlisle and Esme for a bit," Jasper said.

"Oh yeah, that sounds like all sorts of fun."

"Edward," Jasper said cocking his eyebrow at me.

"Jasper, I'm not going to kill her. I'll just stay the fuck away from all of them. When Alice is working I won't come to the shop. You guys can hang with your chicks at their place instead of at home or if you have to be at our house, I'll just stay out of the fucking way," I snapped back. "I don't what to talk about this shit anymore. I'm outta here."

"Sugar Pop, you should eat something before you leave. The gettings good right now," Emmett chimed in, flashing his fangs at me.

"Shut the fuck up. I can take care of myself."

I was sick of this shit. I needed to get the hell out of this shitty bar, before I did something stupid, like bite everyone in this fucking bar, including my dumb ass brothers. Maybe doing that would calm the rage I felt building inside me.

I got up to leave, but Jasper blocked my path. I groweld at him. Next a woman slid up against me, dry humping my leg. I frowned. "Not tonight honey," I hissed in her ear. She grunted at me, but left me alone. Another woman took her place. Fuck this! I was so not in the mood. I moved the woman off me and shoved Jasper out of my way, stomping toward the exit.

It was fucking raining again but at least I was out of the fucking meat market. However, I was stuck with no car.

Fuck.

I stalked out of the bar, pulling my hood up, trying to get a small amount protection from the rain currently pouring down. Not that it really mattered. It wasn't like I would catch a cold; I just hated being wet. But at the moment I couldn't feel anything, besides the rage. Before I realized what I was doing, I found myself standing below her window again. I was fucking insane.

This was crazy. I couldn't see her. It would rip me apart. I didn't want to see her. Did I? But here I was, in the middle of the fucking night, standing in the pouring rain, staring up at a small darkened window.

It wouldn't be that hard to get up to that window and take a quick peek. One small jump and I'd be there. I know Jasper had sworn it was her, but I really wanted to see for myself. What the fuck? How many times do I need to tell myself I do not want to see her!

Apparently my body was not listening to my mind. I moved closer to the building, glancing around to see how visible everything would be if I attempted this crazy scheme. Christ, I was hitting a new low. I had turned into crazy stalker vampire.

I circled the building several times. This was fucking nuts. I was soaked to the bone, muddy and fucking pissed at myself for being such a fucking idiot. Let her go. Even if it is her, she doesn't want you. She left you with nothing but a shitty letter that said she couldn't fucking pretend anymore.

All of a sudden the exquisite heart wrenching sound of a piano, filled my ears. Holy fucking shit, where the hell was that coming from. The notes stabbed me in my dead fucking heart and I dropped to my knees. If I could have cried I would have been sobbing. Memories of her filled me again. In the middle of the night, in the pouring rain I stared up at a window and faded into a long silenced memory.

*~*

"_Edward, please,"_ she whined, dragging out the word until I couldn't take it anymore. She knew my weaknesses and she could work me over with a bat of her eyelashes.

"_One more, Bella, and then you need to sleep." _

"_Pfftt, who are you, my dad."_

I give her a low growl and she sits down next to me, pressing her leg against mine. _"What do you want to hear?"_

I know what she is going to request before the words come out of her beautiful mouth. I sigh and run my fingers gingerly over the ivory keys. She leans into me, a small whimper escapes her lips. The sound resonates in my groin.

I continue playing but she is doing her best to distract me. Her hand snakes around my waist. She runs her fingers around the hem of my t-shirt and occasionally I feel the heat of her skin against mine. I shudder and give her a sideways glance. She smirks at me, biting her lower lip. I squirm a bit as I feel the familiar tightening in my jeans.

I'm almost to the end of the song. She is now nipping at my ear, licking my neck and making me fuck up the notes. She blows in my ear and I almost fall off the bench, bringing the song to a quick end.

"_I thought you wanted me to play for you?" _

"_I'd like to play with you." _She grins at me.

For several seconds I stare at her. My angel, my salvation, my fucking life.

"_What is it,"_ she breathes.

"_I, um," _I stammer and search for the right words, but none come. Deep down I know what I want to say but I'm too scared to say those three small words out loud. How could three little words have me so fucking uptight that I can hardly think? I have become an out-of-control, totally pussy whipped vampire.

I choose to hold my tongue and watch her. There's a sparkle in her eyes that draw me in, but I'm too fucking slow and she tackles me. My reflexes are shot to hell. She owns me. We fall off the piano bench with her landing on top of me. She giggles and straddles me. I can feel heat pouring off her. She wiggles around, grinding into me until I groan.

"_Let's go for a walk," _she whispers.

I grumble, but I can't refuse her. She climbs off me and I adjust myself so I can walk. Fuck, I'm hoping this walk doesn't last too fucking long.

"_You coming,"_ she says wickedly.

"_Apparently not," _I mumble.

I hear her giggle.

I can do nothing else but roll my eyes at her. She laces her fingers in mine and pulls me to the door. There's a gentle mist falling around us. She sighs and snuggles up against me, tucking herself into my side. I put my arm around her shoulders and we walk.

The mist is quickly turning to rain and I think we should go back in the house, but she has other ideas. She pulls me under a tree, leaning her back against the trunk. She grabs the collar of my jacket, yanking me to her. Her hands slip under my shirt. She finds my nipples, lightly pinching them. I moan, loudly. Next I feel her hand slide across my already straining hard-on. She pops the button on my jeans and pulls the zipper down freeing my dick. The sensation of her hot hand and the rain is mind blowing. I thrust my hips toward her hand, but it's not enough. I need her, all of her.

"_Jesus fuck,"_ I hiss. _"I need you now." _

I grab her hair and move it off her throat, exposing the throbbing pulse point. Venom is pooling in my mouth and I need to swallow before I choke on it. She moves up and claims my mouth. Her hot tongue slides along my lips begging for entrance. I oblige her, letting our tongues tangle.

Her lips move against mine. _"Take me,"_ she breathes.

"_Here?"_ I sound like I'm being strangled.

She doesn't answer, instead she unzips her pants and they fall off her hips, settling around her ankles. She's not wearing any panties. My eyes cross.

My dick is aching to find her center. I push towards her. She lifts her leg, discarding her jeans and wraps her leg around my hip, rubbing against me.

Holy fuck, she's wet and hot and her pulse is fucking up my thought process. The rain continues to fall, soaking us. I can no longer wait. I slip my hand under her ass and hoist her up. She wraps both legs around my waist, leans back into the tree and pushes herself against my dick.

I plunge into her and she screams my name. Her head falls forward to my shoulder and she bites down cutting into the skin. The feeling of her teeth breaking my flesh causes a huge rush of adrenalin to flow through my body. I smell my blood. She's thrusting her hips, I'm pumping hard and my blood lust is growing. As if she can sense my need, she runs her wrist across my lips. Her skin is glistening from the rain and for some reason it makes her scent even more appetizing.

"_I'm yours, for now and always." _

The words fall from her lips and for a few moments, I lose myself in them.

Her hips are grinding against me. I can feel the tightening in my balls. A taste of her blood will send me crashing over the cliff, but I need it, I need her and as always I cannot refuse her.

She thrusts her wrist into my mouth. My teeth slice through the tender flesh and the blood comes. Once again I find myself at the gates of Heaven. She's screaming my name, pulling my hair and I'm sucking,tasting the life force that is her. I release her wrist as I feel her clench around my dick.

"_Holy fuck!"_ I scream

I let go and come hard. So hard it makes me knees buckle. We slide down the tree still joined together into the muddy wet grass. Her laughter rings through my head.

Say the words motherfucker, tell her.

Nothing but a sigh comes out of my mouth.

*~*

And then I'm back in Portland on my knees in the middle of the night...alone. I'm right below her window and I'm fighting the urge to jump through it and...what?

I should have told her. I should have said the fucking words, maybe things would be different now. My hands are clenched into fists. I want to, need to hit something.

"I can't fucking do this anymore," I moan. I grit my teeth, not wanting another fucking memory to whisk me away. The past needs to stay buried. Regret is a terrible thing to live with, but I made my choices and she made hers. Even though she is so close to me, I can't have her. I guess I'm making another choice.

"Edward."

I feel a hand on my back.

"Jesus Christ, Jasper, how did you know," I asked hoarsely.

"I know you brother, now let's go home. I would say before you catch your death, but since you're already a vampire..."

"Shut the fuck up, Jazz," I said. He pulled me to my feet. "Back up Jazz."

"What?"

"I can smell her on you."

"Oh, fuck man, I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to take a shower every time I leave Alice."

"No, I'll get used to it."

"Let's get out of this rain," Jasper said.

As we turn the corner, I freeze. Jasper looks at me and shakes his head and I know he can hear it too. Someone is screaming and I can feel the hurt from the tips of my hair down to my feet. It tugs at me but I dismiss the feeling and shove it away.

Jasper waits for my decision.

I choose to walk away from the screams. I'm almost certain it wasn't her.

Almost.

Jasper and I stumble home in the fucking pouring rain. Emmett greets us at the door. Just my luck, Rose is standing next to him. As I brush by them, I catch a small whiff of her. Christ.

I need to be alone. I need silence, but for me there is no quiet. I can hear the scream echoing through my head and the questions come back to taunt me. Was it her? And if it was, who was she screaming for?

It was going to be one long fucking night.

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**I know I know...please don't throw things at me. I promise the meeting is coming very soon. Let me know what you think. Leave a little love by pushing the review button. Thanks for reading, reviewing and pimping this story. Next chappie will pop up in a few days. Bella and a little Alice POV. Remember when you need a little break from all the angst...Check out my other story Game on Baby...there's laughter galore. Drizl**


	13. Who the F is Edward?

**Surprise...anyway I hope it's a good surprise. I told you this would be a quick update. Feeling all emo so I'm back at this story. And now for the usual crap...ya'll know I'm not S. Meyer and that the Twilight shizz is hers. I'm just having fun with Bitey Bitter Edward and the other boy vamps. And surprise this fic is rated M for a reason...nasty language and naughty lemons. **

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**Who the F is Edward? **

**Chapter 13**

**Bella**

What a fucked up day. I stared out the window for a few minutes. Was that someone standing by the light post? I moved the shade aside and looked harder. I must have been hallucinating. I swear there was someone leaning up against the light post, staring up at my window. I backed away from the window and turned my light off.

I must be losing my fricking mind.

I heard a small tap on my door. Did I have the nerve to tell her to go away?

"Bella, are you still up," Alice called out. "Can I come in?"

My brain was shouting at me to say no, go away, yeah right.

"Sure, door's open," I answered.

"You okay," she asked. She gave me a small pat on the back and sat down next to me on my lovely purple bed, turning the light back on.

"I'm fine. Why?" I was so lying to her, but I didn't feel like getting into everything. I was too tired.

"Are you sure you're fine? I mean what was up with the Jazzy comment?"

"Alice I don't know where that came from. I really don't know Jasper. It just popped out of my mouth."

"It's a little weird. I mean, Jasper isn't a common name and I've never called him Jazzy," she said as she flopped back on my bed.

"That's for sure," I muttered. "His brothers don't have common names either, Edward and Emmett? What were their parents thinking?"

"Uncommon names for uncommonly hot boys," Alice sighed. "How come you're still awake?"

"Um, I don't really want to go to sleep. I'm not up for any crazy dreams tonight."

"Oh, I didn't think I'd be home tonight. If ya know what I mean," she giggled and elbowed me.

"Jeez, Alice, you're gonna give it up already," I hissed. "You barely know him and he's your boss." I emphasized the word boss, like it would really make a difference.

She giggled again. "I know it sounds stupid, but I really like this guy. He's so nice and so different. I can't put my finger on it."

"You say that about all of them," I groaned.

"I know but this one really is different." She smiled brightly and winked at me. Good grief she was winking. She had it bad for Jasper.

"Aren't they all different at first," I grumbled. "They always say they'll be there no matter what and then when you need them the most, BAM, they disappear. I thought Edward was different but he turned out to be the same as all the others, maybe worse."

Alice sat up and gaped at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Bella, what the fuck? Who the hell is Edward?"

"Edward?" I squeaked. "It's Jasper's brother. You told me."

"I know that, but you weren't talking about Jasper's brother. You said quote 'I thought Edward was different'. You said Edward. Who the hell is this Edward, Bella. What is going on?"

I shook my head. My chest was starting to constrict and I couldn't breathe. "I don't know. I don't know anyone named Edward," I squealed because when I said the name Edward again, a pain shot through my heart. It hurt so bad I doubled over and I felt like I was going to puke. I took several deep breaths, willing the pain to disappear so Alice wouldn't freak out.

Things were getting really weird. I mean Twilight Zone fucking weird. I grimaced thinking back to what had come out of my mouth. Who the hell _was_ Edward? I did it again. First the Jazzy thing and now this.

"Bella," Alice said holding her hand out to me. "Please, let me."

I scooted away from her so my back was up against the wall. I didn't want to touch her. It freaked the shit out of me. verything was freaking the shit out of me at the minute. "Alice I don't think I can handle that right now."

"Bella, obviously you are remembering something. There must have been an Edward in Forks who you were involved with, because there was no one named Edward in Phoenix," she paused, giving me a scary glare. "Or was there?"

She kept watching me, waiting for my answer, but I didn't have a clever come back for this situation. So, instead I started to get defensive and angry.

"You know there was no one in Phoenix," I huffed.

"Well that only leaves Forks. Unless you're hiding something else from me."

"Alice, I'm not hiding anything," I snapped. "If I knew what was going on, you know I would tell you."

"Then let me touch you," she mumbled.

"No!"

I was trying to hold the anger at bay but it was starting to bubble up out of me. Soon I would be shouting.

"Bella," Alice growled.

She lunged for me but I scrambled off the bed and made a wild dash for the bathroom, slamming the door in her face.

"Alice not tonight," I yelped. "Leave me alone."

"Fine, I'm not going to chase after you. I'm only trying to help you."

I talked through the closed bathroom door. "I know and I'm sorry. I just can't deal with any more weird shit tonight. Tomorrow. I promise we will talk about this tomorrow, but you need to get some rest. Remember, you start at the coffee shop tomorrow and I have to go to the book store," I said. I was whining a little, playing on her sympathies.

Please let it work. I couldn't do this tonight. It was silent for a few minutes and I started to wonder if she was going to get some tools to break into my bathroom, but to my surprise, she didn't argue with me.

"Okay, but only since I need to get my rest. I want to look my best for my first day of work."

I snorted and shook my head. "Yeah, right work."

"Tomorrow," Alice said.

I could hardly wait.

I ran my hands through my hair. I was impressed I had won that little argument. I rarely won when it came to Alice and her wants, but I knew her weakness. Alice was easily distracted when boys were involved and right now her head was in the clouds over Jasper.

"Jazzy." I let the name roll off my tongue. Did it feel familiar to say it? I let my mind wander back to him. The blonde unruly wavy hair, the fine chiseled muscles that I could make out through his shirt, the wicked little grin and the blue sparkling eyes that were tinged with mischief. You would think I could remember someone like him. Alice was right when she said he was hot.

Maybe I was trying to hard. I think I could hear my brain grinding as I tried to remember something.

I decided to give up. I wasn't feeling anything unless you counted the pounding in my head. Fucking Alice, her head was floating around in the clouds of happiness while my head was getting bashed by rocks.

This had been the day from hell and I wasn't sure if tomorrow would be any better. New jobs always had a way of ruining a perfectly fine day. It would be easier if you could wear a sign that said yes, I'm the new girl and I'm going to do something stupid and no I don't know where that is. Maybe a button that said Ask Someone Else would be appropriate.

To clear everything from my head, I took a shower, letting the water run until it turned icy cold. I finally had to get out or freeze to death.

Now what, I asked myself, flopping down on my bed. I had no intention of going to sleep, but maybe the banging in my head would go away if I rested my eyes for a few minutes.

You'd think I would learn. It probably took all of two minutes before I was asleep.

I should have stayed awake.

I don't know how long I had been in the sleep induced coma, but I was suddenly jarred awake by the sound of someone playing a piano. Who in the hell plays the piano in the middle of the night? I sat straight up, clutching my purple blanket to my chest. I couldn't breathe.

Was it him? He played for me...more than once...I would sneak out and he would play for me and then...oh my God who the fuck was I thinking about? I tuned in to the music again. The notes fell over me, caressing my skin like a long lost lover. It took me a few minutes before I realized I was crying.

*~*

He's touching me. I ache, all over. I need him.

Am I fucking dreaming again or is this a memory? I don't know what's real anymore. I don't even know if I'm sleeping or awake. I think I've finally gone crazy.

I hear the piano again. It's familiar, haunting and so painful I can barely think. Why did he abandon me when I needed him the most? Stupid white envelope with my name written in his lovely perfect handwriting. I wanted to rip that fucking letter to shreds. Did I rip it to shreds? Was it real?

As the notes of the piano give way to silence. I start sobbing. Sobbing so hard, I can't breathe and then I'm screaming. I'm curled up in a ball on the cold hard unforgiving floor.

*~*

**Alice **

I was sound asleep, having a really hot dream about my new boss Jasper. My hands were tangled in his soft blonde curls. I was sucking on his bottom lip, tasting him for the first time when screams punctured the cloud and I fell out of the dream.

Dammit. Bella was freaking again. And she told me she wasn't going to go to sleep.

I jumped out of bed and bolted to her room. I opened the door, scanning the room for her. I spotted her lying on the floor, curled up in a ball on the floor sobbing. I mean sobbing so hard her body was rocking. The rise and fall of her chest looked pained, like she was fighting to breathe.

"Bella," I whispered. Truth be told I was a little scared to touch her. I sort of lied earlier, because I knew she wouldn't let me near her. I really didn't want to touch her, because my visions had become rather disturbing.

"Bella," I said a little louder, kneeling down next to her.

"Oh my God, Alice," she wailed. "He fucking left me. He didn't say goodbye. All I got was a fucking letter where he said I can't pretend anymore. What the fuck does that mean?"

I wasn't sure if she was awake or still asleep. I had not idea what the hell she was talking about and then she grabbed my wrist. Her wild eyes staring at me, searching for answers.

The visions came at me so fast and hard they brought be down to my knees. So much pain and anguish, but it hadn't always been like that. More scenes flashed through my head...love, pure fucking Angels in Heaven singing and shouting, love. And then someone pulled the rug out from under their feet. The outline of two guys, one with blond hair the other with dark hair. Was he dressed in cop clothes? Bella's dad? Another guy, tall, hooded sweatshirt obscuring his face, arguing with the blond guy...shoulders sagging, defeat...whispering over and over...la tua cantante. la tua cantante.

And then vision was gone, disappearing in puff of black smoke, but the emotions were still in me and I was panting. Bella sat up and stared at me.

"Alice," she sniffled.

"I'm okay, just give me a minute." I had to fight an internal battle so I wouldn't burst into tears. It was heart wrenching to feel the pain of loss, but I needed to get hold of my emotions and reign them in. Bella looked freaked out enough without adding me to the mix.

"Are you okay," I asked, hoping my voice wasn't as shaky as I felt.

"Uh, probably not, but for now, I'm fine. You?"

"Yeah, same. I'm fine. What happened Bella?"

"I heard somone playing a piano."

She offered no more insight for me, but I was too exhausted to argue with her. I was surprised she wasn't pushing me for more information on my vision. Usually she wanted to know every detail, but since we arrived in Portland she wanted nothing to do with my sight and for the first time in my life, I wanted nothing to do with it. I needed them to stop, to give me a break.

I looked at Bella's clock. Jeez, it was three in the morning and I had to work tomorrow.

"Bella, you need to get some sleep. I need to get some sleep."

She squeaked and several tears dropped down her face. "I'm scared."

"I know. I sure wish you would have these moments during the daytime. I'm not much of a night owl," I said and mustered up a warm smile for her.

"Will you stay with me tonight? I can't...I'm afraid..." She looked so frightened and frail. I couldn't refuse her. I nodded and she climbed back into bed. I followed. Screw it, she's my best friend. I'm not afraid of my visions. I am not allowing them to dictate my life. I shut the light off and grabbed Bella's hand. Thank God nothing happened this time and we both drifted off to sleep.

**Bella**

A few hours after my major meltdown, my alarm went off. Someone was in my bed. Sweet Alice had stayed with me. As the sleep cleared from my brain, the events of last night filled my head. That fucking piano. I shook my head, pushing the memories out of my brain. I wasn't going there today.

Alice stretched and sighed.

"I'm going to get ready for work. Meet you in the kitchen in thirty."

Thankfully Alice wasn't in the mood to talk about last night either. Obviously, I had fallen asleep again, but much to my disbelief, I had not dreamed, at all. I pushed the shade aside. Too bad it wasn't sunny. Just another dreary, wet day in Portland.

I could smell coffee brewing. Only Alice would make coffee when she was going work at a coffee shop.

I didn't know if I could go out there. Would she bombard me with questions about that Edward and Jasper thing. I didn't have any answers for her. I still didn't understand what had happened; why I had talked to Jasper like I knew him and what made me utter the name Edward as if I knew someone by that name.

I silently walked down the hall to the kitchen. Alice was sitting at the table sipping coffee and chewing on a strand of her hair.

"That looks like an appetizing breakfast," I said.

"Yeah, not so much," she giggled.

"What's up with you," I asked.

"Going to work today. Jasper's picking me up."

"Picking you up. You can walk in less time."

"And your point is," she said folding her arms across her chest.

"None, I guess, just try to behave," I said smugly. "Just a little."

"Hey, what time do you have to be at the bookstore. I'm sure Jasper would drop you off."

I poured myself some coffee and sat down across from her. "Thanks Alice, but I'm going to walk."

"Bella, it's raining."

"It's always raining."

"True, but I thought you could stop by and meet Emmett and maybe Edward would be there too. I guess you could stop in on your lunch break."

"I don't know when that is, but I'll call you when I find out."

The buzzer rang and Alice flew out of her chair squealing. "Ohmygod, do I look okay? How's my hair? My clothes?"

"Shit, Alice, you look great." She was gone before I finished my sentence. I glanced at the clock deciding I had wasted enough time with my coffee. It was time to go to go to work.

I sighed heavily. I decided to borrow Rose's umbrella so I wouldn't have to start the day looking like a drowned rat.

It wasn't a long walk, but I would have been soaked to the bone if I hadn't used an umbrella. I had to remember to buy one of my own. I'm sure Rose wouldn't be impressed if she needed her umbrella and it was gone. I should have left her a note.

Several minutes later I trudged into the bookstore.

"Hi Bella, you ready to get to work," Mr. Newton asked. .

"Hi Mr. Newton. That's what you hired me for," I sighed again, trying to conjur up a real smile.

I spent the morning familiarizing myself with the workings of the bookstore. Mr. Newton showed me how to run the computer so I could ring up paying customers and enter inventory.

"Why don't you take some time and learn the layout of the shop. Have a look at the books, so when customers ask you where things are, you'll be able to tell them.

I was thankful for the break. He had been filling my head with all sorts of details and I needed a little distraction to process all the information. I smiled at him and took off for the far corners of the book shop. I wandered through the shelves, stopping every so often to check out some of the titles and memorize all the sections.

I walked further into the stacks of books, running my fingers across several of the spines and then I froze. A book grabbed my attention and wouldn't let me go. The book seemed to be glaring at me. I ran my finger over the title _The Cold Ones_.

"Edward."

The name slipped from my mouth so easily it scared the shit out of me, but it was also agonizingly painful to say that name.

Who the fuck is Edward? This was seriously starting to piss me off.

I touched the book again, finally pulling it off the shelf. Several weird scenes flash into my head. White hard flesh, drops of bright red blood, dazzling sparkles reflecting off something and green eyes searing into me. I stumbled backward, crashing into a small wire rack filled with magazines. Thankfully the rack didn't tip over, but the racket I made sent Mr. Newton scurrying over to me.

"Bella, are you okay."

"Um, I think so. I'm a little dizzy," I announced. It sounded stupid, but it was the first thing that popped into my head.

"Why don't you take a real break. You look like you could use one. It's about time for lunch anyway," he said.

"Okay, thank you."

"Bella, are you sure you're okay."

"Yes, I'll be fine." I handed him the book even though I wanted to take it home and read it cover to cover.

"Bella, if you don't feel any better, call me and you can come back tomorrow."

I nodded and bolted out into the rain. Of course I almost knock some guy over and he has to grab my arm to keep me from doing a face plant onto the sidewalk.

"You should be more careful," he snaps rudely.

"I'm sorry," I snap back. If he can be rude, so can I.

I yank my arm from his grasp and stare up at him, but I can't see his face because his hood is obscuring my view. Everything starts moving in slow motion as I watch his hand move to the edge of his hood. He pulls it down, revealing his face to me.

I can't do anything but stare...

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**O.o.O. who's the guy under the hood? I wonder...So, let me have it...show me the love, the hate, the frustration, but you all know what's coming in the next chappie so go easy on me...Thanks for reading the story, commenting, pimping...Gotta try to get my funny back so I can write another Chapter of Game on Baby....Drizl Oh yeah, and the music coming off the piano, well it had to be the haunting melody of Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. **


	14. Face To Face

**Hey Fanfic Fans Sorry this update is so late. I've been very busy over at Game On Baby. Never ever write two stories at the same time. Ever! It's too much facking work! It's Bella's POV again. **

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**Face to Face**

**Chapter 14**

**Bella **

I stared for what was way too long to look at someone you don't even know. The tension in his chiseled jaw told me I should really look away. It seemed like he wanted to pull the hoodie up to hide his face again and put a lot of distance between me and him.

I tried really hard to remove my eyes from him, but it was difficult because this guy is...well he is so fucking hot he's practically scorching my eyeballs. I mean hot like just stepped off the pages of Vanity Fair hot. So hot my now burning eyeballs have started to sweat. I didn't want to look away from him. What I really wanted was to throw him down and lick his neck. Holy...I lifted my face into the drizzling rain, hoping it would be able to cool me down.

"Sorry," I squeaked, trying to look away, but my traitorous eyes were drawn back to his face. I took him all in starting with the unruly, sexy wet copper hair. Did I mention the rain caressing his pale white skin was sending a scent up my nose that was so fresh and sweet it made me want to scream.

He had high sculpted cheekbones and delicious red lips with a severe jaw line just demanding to have a trail of kisses placed tenderly on it. Jeez, I was really giving this guy the once over and he wasn't offering up anything in return.

I cleared my throat. "Really, I'm sorry," I stammered out. He could at least accept my apology for slamming into him and almost knocking him on his ass. Although it felt like I had smashed into a brick wall, so in all seriousness I don't think I hurt him at all. He still had not uttered a word and I was beginning to think he thought I was a complete freak.

Maybe if I thanked him for being a gentleman and saving me from doing a face plant on the concrete. "And, um yeah, well, thank you for catching me before I ended up flat on the sidewalk. Sometimes I can be such a klutz."

I did a fake little laugh, hoping it would break the tension and elicit some sort of reaction from this Greek god, but he was still giving me nothing. I was beginning to worry this guy couldn't talk or worse, that there was something terribly wrong with me.

The minutes ticked away and he was getting wet from the constant drumming of the rain. I thought about offering him my umbrella, but I didn't dare look at him again. I chose to stare at the wet pavement. Finally, I decided I'd had enough and I was sufficiently uncomfortable with his staring. I backed away from him, but he was still holding on to my wrist. I tugged slightly and felt his fingers tighten, his nails digging into my skin. I whimpered, looking up into his face. His brow was furrowed, giving him a very pissed off look that scared the crap out of me.

I sucked in a quick breath. I needed to get away from this guy. I didn't care how hot he was, he obviously did not want to be in my company. I just couldn't figure out why he wouldn't let go of my arm.

"Please, let go," I muttered as I tried to pry his fingers off my wrist. He finally dropped my arm, mumbled something I didn't understand and took off down the sidewalk at a very brisk pace.

"Christ, what the fuck was that all about?" I took another deep breath and leaned up against the building.

This day had gone from bad to absolutely shitty in a matter of minutes. I needed a cup of hot coffee and I needed my best friend to tell me I wasn't losing my fricking mind, but the only way to see Alice was to go the coffee shop. I cringed at the thought of meeting more new people. I know Alice really wanted me to see where she was working and meet the people she would be with, but I hated meeting new people especially when they were trying to set me up with one of them. I guess I owed her that much and since I was a glutton for punishment today, I took off for the coffee shop. I silently said a prayer hoping things would not get any worse.

I should have went home for coffee or maybe said a different prayer.

I stood outside Alice's work for a few minutes, trying to find the courage to open the door. Several times I reached for the handle only to pull back and step away from it. I was going to end up seeing Jasper again and then all those stupid questions about me calling him Jazzy would be on the table again. I didn't know why I called him Jazzy. Maybe it was because he looks more like a Jazzy than a Jasper. But it wasn't only Jasper, Alice would introduce me to Rose's new boy-toy and if the other brother was around, I would have to meet him as well. I only hoped that Alice hadn't mentioned wanted to hook us up.

What a fucking day. First that book totally screws with my head and then that hot guy who acted like I had the plague shows up. My thoughts drifted back to the book. Why did that book freak me out so much? It was just a book, but it seemed so familiar. The Cold Ones. Strange title. Who the heck are the cold ones? Dead people? Vampires? Oh no way, I'm not going there. I was already having strange biting sex dreams about vampires.

"I wonder if I get an employee discount," I said. A guy walking out of the coffee shop quirked his eyebrow at me. Fuck, I had said that out loud. Now I was talking to myself.

"Excuse me lady," another guy said as he brusquely pushed by me, walking into the shop. I sighed and trudged after him, quickly snapping my umbrella closed as I stepped inside. No open umbrellas in a building. It was bad luck and I didn't need anymore shitty mojo hanging over my head.

The strong scent of coffee assaulted my nose. I think you could catch a caffeine buzz just by hanging out in here.

"Bella," Alice squealed as she flew out from behind the counter. I was going to have to talk with Jasper and have him put a limit on her coffee intake. Maybe I should tell Jasper she could only have decaf.

She flung her arms around my neck and pulled me into a tight hug. "Hey Alice," I grunted. "I need a strong cup of caffeine."

She held me at arms length, looking intently into my eyes. "Bella, what's going on?"

"Nothing, I'm on break and figured I'd come down and check this place out."

There was a very loud crash from behind the counter. We both looked up and I saw a huge guy gaping at us. Jasper came up behind him, whispered something in his ear and punched him in the arm. The big guy gave us a weird wave that gave me an uneasy feeling way down in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to bolt out of the shop and run home to hide in my closet.

Things went from odd to downright creepy when the mouth-watering guy from outside came out of the backroom. Oh god, was he the other brother? I was so screwed.

"What the fuck..." His eyes dart from the big guy to Jasper and then settle on me. Our eyes collide and the force behind the meeting almost drives me to my knees. All the air leaves my lungs and I can't breathe. Those green eyes, so familiar, yet so hard and cold, unforgiving.

My brain ceases to function and the only thought floating through my head is the need to get out of this place and away from those haunting eyes. My umbrella slides out of my hand and clatters to the ground. How could I have not noticed the eyes before?

"Bella," Alice's voice snapped me out of my trance and I felt her warm hand clutching mine.

"I gotta go." I let out a strangled gasp of air, but Alice wouldn't let go of me. Her eyes glazed over and I struggled with her, trying to pry her fingers off my hand. Didn't this already happen with him earlier?

"Alice, let fucking go of me," I screamed and every customer looked over at us.

"Holy crap," she gasped and dropped my arm, giving me the opportunity to flee. Before I knew it, I'm racing down the sidewalk through the pouring rain. I skidded to a stop at the bookstore, panting. I took a few deep breaths before I walked into the store and rushed to the back room to hang up my jacket. My hands were shaking so badly I barely managed to get my jacket on the hook.

"Bella, are you okay? You're soaking wet and you look like you've seen a ghost," Mr Newton said.

"Oh, um, yeah, I left my umbrella with Alice, er...and no ghost." I shoved my hands in my pockets to hide the shaking. "Really, I'm fine."

He shook his head, but didn't ask me anymore questions. He motioned for me to follow him and I spent the rest of the afternoon inventorying an order of books. I was thankful for the work. It kept me focused on things other than piercing, disturbing green eyes.

Unfortunately, the work day ended and I knew I would have to face Alice. I was almost hoping she would be spending the night with Jasper, but when I came out of the back, both her and Jasper were standing in the shop talking to Mr. Newton.

Shit. I didn't know if I was up for this tonight. I gave a half-hearted wave and held up a finger, signaling I had one thing to do before we could leave.

I crept down the aisle where the book was waiting for me. The title glared at me and I felt my chest constrict a little as I picked it up and hugged it to my chest. I could feel Alice's eyes fixated on my back as I paid for my book. I kept my eyes focused on the floor as I walked up to them.

"Aren't you even going to say hello to us," Jasper asked.

"Uh, sure, hello Jasper, Alice. Thanks for picking me up."

"You seemed to be in a hurry this afternoon when you dashed off without your umbrella," Jasper said.

I kept staring at the floor hoping it would swallow me up and I wouldn't have to talk to either of them. What the hell was I supposed to say. Your stupid brother freaked me out or better yet, your stupid brother is a freak and for some unknown reason seems to hate my guts.

Alice smiled at me. "So, what book did you buy, Bella." It wasn't like Alice to make small talk with me. It was strained and weird. I had been waiting for her to ask me about this afternoon and why exactly I had bolted out of the coffee shop. Plus I knew she had one of her creepy visions.

"Um, it's nothing special just a book someone recommended," I mumbled.

"Oh come on Bella. What is it? Some hot chick book or something," Jasper asked.

"It's nothing. Just something I wanted to read," I said. My grip on the bag tightened, but Jasper was fast and snagged it from me.

"Don't mind if I do, Darlin'" he said. "Maybe I've read it."

He slid the book out of the bag. His face went blank and he quickly shoved the book back in the bag, thrusting it into my arms. He then grabbed Alice by the elbow and steered her out of the store with me trudging behind them. He was hissing something in her ear. I just wanted to go home, hide in my room and read my book, but Alice and Jasper had other ideas.

I should have fucking insisted on going home.

I climbed in the back of Jasper's car, slumping down in the seat. I didn't want to be here. And I really didn't want to be there when they told me we were going out to dinner, to celebrate our move to Portland and our new jobs. I shot Alice an icy glare, but she just cocked her head and gave me a sweet smile. Her mood was bouncing all over the place. What the hell was going on?

I tried to whine about looking like a drowned rat, but they ignored me. Things went from really bad to fucking terrible when we walked into the restaurant and I saw Rose sitting by the big guy and the green-eyed God staring up at me.

I couldn't look at him, or any of them for that matter, so I let my hair fall over my face and watched my hands as they balled up into fists. I wanted to go home. I tried to sit down next to Rose, but Jasper hip checked me so I had to sit next to the green-eyed monster.

"Hey, Bella, this is Emmett and this is Edward," Alice said pointing from the big guy to green eyes. Emmett reached across the table and clasped my hand, giving me a hearty handshake and grinning at me like a fool. Edward looked like he wanted to strangle Emmett. Jasper was trying not to laugh and then Edward turned on me and gave me a blood chilling glare. I almost slid under the table.

The waiter came and took our orders. I tried to tell everyone I wasn't hungry, but Emmett threatened to order everything off the menu if I didn't get something so I settled on some soup. Everyone tried to make small talk but I wasn't in the mood and told everyone it had been a long day. Edward continued to glare at me, making me feel like a piece of dirt. What did I do to this guy to piss him off?

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I excused myself and went to the bathroom where the awful days and nights came crashing down on me and I dissolved into tears. Some lady came in and offered me a tissue before scurrying quickly out of there. I probably scared her. I heard the door open again and suddenly Edward was standing in the women's bathroom, staring at me.

"Get out of here, you fucking pervert!" I shouted.

"I came to apologize," he said quietly.

"There's no need. I don't even know you. Let's just leave it at that," I hissed.

He mumbled again and I wanted to yell at him to knock that shit off. If he had something to say to me than just spit it out.

The door opened and another lady stepped in. She saw Edward and stepped back to recheck the sign on the door. He glared at her and she slowly backed out.

"Are you always this nice," I growled.

I'd had enough. If he wanted to stand is this fucking bathroom that was fine with me but I was leaving. I tried to shove past him, but he grabbed my arm, pulling me flush against his body. His sweet breath swept across my face. I was hit with a honey and sunshine scent that made my knees go weak and a flash of heat filled my body. His arm slid around my waist and he pulled me tighter to his chest.

I was on fire, burning where my skin touched his. His fingers ghosted my cheekbone as he moved closer to me. Oh my god, I couldn't breath anymore. His lips barely touched mine and I swear there were sparks flying around the room. I was stunned. I could feel his fingers tightening around the hem of my shirt as he fisted the fabric. His mouth opened against mine and I felt his tongue slide out and lick my bottom lip. I was now totally engulfed in fire.

He broke away from me, lifting my chin up so I had to meet his lust filled eyes. The green eyes with golden specks stared back at me. "Your eyes capture my fire," I whispered.

My breath hitched and then his lips crashed against mine. He parted his lips and I allowed his tongue to dip into my mouth. He explored, tasting and moaning into my mouth. I couldn't believe this was happening, but I didn't care anymore. It all seemed so familiar. His arms encircled me, his body pushed up against mine and drove us into the wall. He clutched at me, hands trailing all over my body and I'm burning, wanting to desperately to scream out. I wrapped my leg around his, driving his hips into me, trying to get some friction. But then he lets me go and moves away from me. My body is crying out from the loss of his touch. Everything changes when I look into his eyes again, my knees buckle because I'm met with a horrifying coldness that sweeps into my body, driving me to the cold tile floor.

"Fuck," he mutters and turns on his heel, bolting out of the bathroom. I'm left on the floor too weak to even think about moving.

"Oh my God, what the fuck just happened." I'm shaking so hard I can barely drag my phone out of my pocket. I punch the numbers in and thank God she answers.

"Alice." My voice is timid and shaky, but I manage to squeak the words out, begging for her help. I only have to wait a few minutes before she's busting into the bathroom.

"What the hell happened?"

"Edward," I whisper.

"What did he do to you," she asks, but I can't answer her because I'm bawling my fool head off. She gets me to my feet and hauls me out of the bathroom, scowling at Jasper and Emmett as we pass the table. Jasper is on our heels and Alice is chewing him out, but I can't really understand what in the hell she is saying anymore. I lick my lips and gasp out loud, because I can still taste his sweetness and it makes my whole body ache. What the fuck was this guy doing to me? He was worse than mystery dream guy because that guy only infiltrated my dreams. This guy was real.

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**I know it's been so long you probably can't even remember this facking story. I hope you can get back into it. Push the freaking little review button and yell at me for not posting in like forever...I promise not to do it again...My playlist for this chapter...Kelly Clarkson ~ Because of You, Adele ~ Chasing Pavements, Staind ~ Tangled Up in You...Until next week...Drizl **

I leaned against Alice and then I shut down.


	15. The Letters

**Good Day All...Can't believe I got another chapter out. I'm seriously trying for weekly updates on both fics I'm writing. I think Sunday is a good day to update this one. Hope you enjoy this chapter. **

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The Letters**

**Chapter 15**

**Edward**

"Are you sure you're alright," Jasper asked.

I know he was only trying to be nice, but he was fucking driving me nuts. I think he checked on me every hour last night and he wasn't showing any signs of letting up.

"Jazz, I'm fine. I just have to process all this information. I promise I won't go all psycho and kill her." I raise my hands up in the air. "I promise, okay, just fucking leave me alone for a bit."

He backed out of my room. "Okay, I'm heading over to the shop. If you need anything, just call me or Emmett."

I groaned and flipped him off. "Now there's the Sugar Pop I know and love." He grins at me and shuts my bedroom door.

I pace around my bedroom a few more times before I collapse into a chair. I'm not really sure what to do with myself.

Jesus Christ.

What the fuck was I supposed to do? Bella Swan is in town, her roommate is working at the coffee shop and Jasper is working on getting the little pixie to share his bed, because having her work at the shop just isn't enough for him. Emmett is already fucking her other roommate and he's showing no signs of letting her go.

Maybe I should go back to Forks and hang with Esme and Carlisle until Bella graduates from college or whatever she's planning on doing here.

Oh yeah, running away is definitely going to solve all my problems. I tug on my hair and get up to go stare out the window. What happened to my normal fucked up life? Everything was so much easier when all I concentrated on was getting laid and keeping fed.

"Fuck it," I hiss. "I'm not going to stay locked up in my room because of some chick who dumped me two years ago. I'm Edward Cullen and this is my city. God dammit, I was here first."

Jesus, I'm back to that playground shit, but fuck it, I **was** here first. I sigh and decide to head down to the coffee shop. It's almost lunch time and the place should be filling up. Maybe I can find a quick snack.

As usual it's raining but I really don't give a fuck so I grab a sweatshirt and pull the hood up over my head. I'm walking, buried in my thoughts, when someone crashes into me.

It takes me a few seconds for my brain to register what has happened.

Holy fuck. A familiar scent rushes up my nose.

It's her. It's really fucking her. Bella Swan in the flesh. My own personal brand of heroin. My la tua cantante...and I'm fucking touching her and she's staring at me. I can't even speak. She apologizes for being a klutz and then tries to pull away from me. For the moment, I cannot let go of her. I'm drowning in her scent.

I can't think. It's as if time has stopped and I'm frozen. Does she really not recognize me or is she just playing me for a fool. What about that fucking letter? Maybe she just doesn't want to talk to me.

I have to shut my mind down. I have to get away from her. I finally let go of her arm and get the fuck out of there, running down the sidewalk like a fucking fool.

When I'm finally far enough away from her I slow to a walk and let the rain pour over my head. She just stared at me with a blank look in her eyes. Did she really not know who I was? How could she not know who I was? Had I meant that little to her?

I soon realize I'm in the alley in back of the coffee shop so I let myself in the door, heading into the office. Jeezus, of all the places in the entire world, we end up in the same city. I can't fucking handle this shit. The fucking nut house is looking better all the time.

I sat down at Jasper's desk and rested my head in my hands, trying not to think about her. My quiet is shattered when I hear a loud crash coming from the coffee shop. I wonder if the new little pixie is destroying the shop already. She's really high strung. I figured if you poured a couple cups of coffee into her she would be hanging from the light fixtures.

I groaned and trudged out of the office to see what happened and if anyone was hurt.

I can't believe what I'm looking at. "What the fuck..."

It's not the pixie girl at all. Emmett has dropped an entire tray of cups. How in the fuck did that happen? My eyes move from Emmett to Jasper and then I see her again. My eyes collide with chocolate brown and I can't help the feelings of hate that well up in me. I succumb to them.

She fucking left me, after everything. How could she do just walk away and leave me with nothing but a goddamn fucking note? I throw all those feelings into the glare I send back to her.

Her mouth falls open and a look of pure hurt falls over her face. She drops her umbrella. The little pixie grabs her hand and I watch as her face goes blank. Soon the pixie is gasping for air and Bella is screaming, trying to get her to let go of her wrist. At least the patrons are being entertained. Christ.

Bella finally wrenches free of Alice and sprints out of the coffee shop. What the fuck is going on?

I watch as the little pixie sinks to the floor and Jasper jumps across the counter, rushing to her side.

"Alice," he shouts. "Are you okay."

Her breathing is erratic and she's visibly upset. Jasper helps her get to her feet. She's muttering something and then she catches me staring at her. She glares and her eyes bore into me, freaking me out. She seems to know something. I feel like all my secrets are exposed and laying on the floor for everyone to see.

Emmett puts his hand on my shoulder. "C'mon Sugar Pop, let's get out of here for a little while."

I can't speak so I nod my head and follow him out the door.

"What the fuck happened in there," Emmett asks.

"Why are you asking me? You're the one who dropped the cups all over the place."

"Yeah, I guess I really didn't believe Jasper when he said Bella was here," he scratches his head and stares at me for a few seconds. "It really is fucking Bella Swan."

I pull my hood up, shove my hands into my pockets and speed up my gait. I really don't want to talk to Emmett about Bella. I don't even know what to say.

He catches up to me. "Ya know Edward, if I didn't know any better I would say she really doesn't remember us. I mean, let's face it, I'm a memorable guy."

I didn't know how to answer him so I shrug my shoulders and grunt.

"Maybe the accident was worse than Carlisle told us."

I stopped and spun around to face him.

"She left me a fucking letter, Emmett. If she doesn't remember me why did she leave me the fucking letter telling me she couldn't pretend anymore, that she didn't want me..." I let my voice drift off because, if I'm going to be honest, it still hurts to say that out loud. She didn't fucking want me anymore.

This time it was Emmett who shrugged his shoulders. We walked in silence the rest of the way back to the house.

We went into the house and I made a beeline for my room, slamming the door hard, hoping that Emmett would take a clue and not try to talk to me anymore.

I laid back on my bed and stared up at the ceiling for the next few hours. I didn't want to think about Bella Swan anymore. I didn't want to remember anything. I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow. Sometimes I wish I could sleep or at least turn off my fucking brain.

A few hours into my sulking I hear a tap at my door.

"Edward, Jasper wants us to meet him at the restaurant down the street in an hour."

"What the fuck for," I growled.

"A test," Emmett mumbles.

"What kind of fucking test," I asked.

"Alice and Jasper are bringing Bella to the restaurant."

"And why the fuck would I want to be there," I snarled.

"Don't you want to know if she remembers you? Don't you want to know why she isn't talking to you," he asked.

"No," I snapped, but then I groaned because I really did want to know the answers to those questions. Maybe if I knew those answers I could get let her go forever and get on with my life. I was tired of hanging onto the past, especially if she never really wanted me.

Emmett slowly opened the door. "Edward."

"Fuck it...Fine...whatever...I'll be ready in an hour."

Maybe someone would swoop in and stake me before the fucking hour was up and I wouldn't have to face her again.

I could hope.

I spent the next hour remembering shit I didn't want to. I tried to keep the memories away but they kept sneaking into my fucking head. She seemed happy with me, accepting, giving...I thought she loved me...how could I have been so wrong. She seemed...she fucking... maybe if I had said the words, told her how I felt, she wouldn't have fucking left me.

Christ Edward, getting a fucking grip. You can't change the god damn past.

I shook my head and walked into my bathroom, took a quick shower and got dressed for a dinner date with the devil.

Emmett had called Rosalie so we picked her up before driving over the restaurant. Jasper, Alice and Bella had not arrived yet. Maybe she changed her mind and wasn't going to show up.

I should have fucking stayed home.

I spied Jasper, but I didn't see Bella. I wasn't sure if I was pissed or happy about it, but then I saw her shuffling behind Alice. She looked like she did not want to be here. I didn't want to be here either. I guess we had something in common after all. I started to get up, but Emmett shot me a look that made me shrink back into my chair.

Bella tried to sit down next to Rose, but for some reason Jasper hip checked her and she ended up next to me. Introductions were made quickly. I saw no sign of recognition from Bella. Why would she not acknowledge Emmett or Jasper? They had nothing to do with our disastrous relationship.

Bella looked incredibly upset. I was really confused. If she hated me so much, why would she be sad. The Bella I used to know would have told me to fuck off. What the fuck was going on?

A few minutes after we ordered Bella excused herself to go to the restroom. Everyone was glaring at me. I don't know how they hell they expected me to act. Obviously I wasn't doing something right.

"Jeez, Edward, you can be such a fucking ass," Emmett snorted and Rosalie was shooting daggers at me.

Jasper glared at me, but it was Alice's cold, hard look that made me stand up.

"Excuse me," I murmured.

The next thing I know I'm standing in the ladies bathroom staring at Bella. She shouts at me and calls me a pervert. And I'm fighting with myself to just walk away and let her go for good, because I don't think I can take anymore rejection from her, but her scent is calling to me. Oh god, please get me the fuck out of here. She makes the decision and tries to leave the bathroom but I grab her arm. I know it's fucking stupid but I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her to my chest.

I had to fucking kiss her. I had to...and it was everything and so much more. I lost myself to her scent, her taste, to the feel of her body pressed against mine. I broke from the kiss to look into her eyes.

She brushed her hand against my cheek and whispered. "Your eyes capture my fire."

And with those words, I fucking lost it. My Bella. My love. My forever. I slam my lips against hers, pushing her up against the wall. I want to loose myself in her, but somewhere in the back of my mind the letter she left me crashes to the forefront of everything. I can't do this again. I don't deserve her. I never did. I am not meant for love. I am a vampire. She is not for me.

"Fuck..."

I let go of her and walk out. I can hear her start crying as the door shuts and my dead heart aches. I can barely think. Instincts take over and somehow, I'm able to remain upright and get the fuck out of the restaurant.

Once the night air hits me I don't know where to go, so I just walk. My phone rings, but I choose to shut the thing off. I'm not in the mood to hear someone screaming about what an asshole I am. I already know I'm a fucking asshole. I don't need the extra reminders.

I wander for hours until I eventually end up in front of her building again staring at that god forsaken window. There is a small light glowing, but it goes dark and I have a sudden urge to scale the building to crawl through that window.

I'm a vampire on the verge of a fucking nervous breakdown.

"Edward."

How do they always know where I am?

I scowl. "What are you doing here?"

"I knew you'd eventually show up here, so after I dropped Alice and Bella off I figured I'd wait for you. You shouldn't be here."

"Jasper, please, just..."

"Just what? What the fuck were you thinking kissing her like that?"

"How d-d-did you know," I stutter.

"Bella told Alice."

"What else did Bella say?"

"Nothing. She was really upset. I mean destroyed. Edward what's going on? I really don't think she remembers us. I mean from what I can tell she has small glimmers of memories, but I sincerely don't think she remembers you."

I run my fingers through my hair. "Jazz, I think I'm going crazy."

"Edward, I think you should talk to Carlisle. Maybe he can tell you what happened to Bella."

"You know he won't talk to me about her. She was his patient and he always throws that patient confidentiality shit in my face."

I felt some raindrops hit my face.

"Edward, let's go home and talk about this. I don't feel like getting rained on again."

We turn to leave and the door to the apartment building swings open, hitting the wall.

"What the fuck are you doing here," Alice snarls. "You fucking bastard."

She comes running at me, but Jasper is able to grab her before she gets to me.

Jasper pulls her into a hug trying to get her to calm down, but she is having none of it.

"Jasper, if you value your balls you will fucking put me down."

He quickly let her go and stepped back from the snarling pixie.

"Now, I don't know what the fuck you are doing here, but Jasper you need to get this son-of-a-bitch away from Bella. I finally got her to go to sleep."

Alice was now standing toe to toe with me looking like she wanted to rip my fucking head off. She continued with her rant.

"I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but if you fuck with Bella again I will seriously mess you up." She pulled herself up on her tiptoes and glared at me, poking her finger into my chest. "Stay the fuck away from Bella."

I hung my head and although it was totally unnecessary, I exhaled loudly. "I don't know if I can."

"Edward," Jasper said sharply. "Alice, I'm sorry, I'll get him out of here and he will stay away from Bella."

Jasper put his arm around me and started to pull me down the sidewalk.

"You're him, aren't you." Alice said quietly. I felt a chill run down my spine. "The one she dreams about."

Both Jasper and I stop dead in our tracks.

"What?" I can barely get the word out.

"Where did you go to high school?" She blurts out.

"Why," I ask.

"Did you live in Forks?"

Jasper's mouth drops open and I stumble backwards. How can she know this? Did Bella tell her what happened? Bella must remember. The rain is starting to fall harder and I can't think again.

"Yes," I hiss.

A million questions are flying through my head, but before I can ask Alice anything we all hear a long mournful wail and then someone crying.

"Shit," Alice screams and runs back into the apartment building.

"What the hell is going on," Jasper asks.

"It's Bella. It's Bella's screams. I'd know them anywhere. They've haunted me for two fucking years."

I close my eyes and remember those same screams as the car veers out of control and hits her. She's screaming for me but Emmett and Jasper are holding me back, preventing me from getting to her. They think I'm going to swoop down and drain her because there is blood spilling from her. But it's not the blood I'm thinking about. I'm thinking I never told her...I need to tell her how much I love her and then I'm going to change her because I can't live without her. I need to save her, but they won't let me go.

I had to find out what Alice knows. Jasper tries to stop me, but this time, I'm not going to be denied. I've dwelled on this for two fucking years. I deserve some god damn answers.

Jasper follows behind me, pleading with me not to do anything stupid. I shut him out and walk into Bella's apartment. I can hear a few whimpers and then silence. It appears Alice has been able to calm Bella down again.

Jasper and I sit down in the kitchen. Alice doesn't seem surprised when she sees us waiting for her.

She sat down next to Jasper and clasped his hand, letting out a huge sigh. "I think I'm going to need a drink to get through this night."

"I'll get it for you darlin," Jasper said. Alice pointed at a bottle of wine sitting on the counter. Jasper found her a wine glass and popped the bottle for her.

She took her glass and raised an eyebrow at Jasper. "I'm not even going to ask if you guys want any, because I know you won't. I never see either of you eat or drink anything, but I know that's a different topic so let's stick to Bella for now, but we will talk about that eventually."

Both Jasper and I say nothing, but I can tell that he's shocked and wondering how much Alice knows and exactly what she thinks she knows. She can't possibly know the truth can she?

We watch as she drains two glasses before she sets the glass down and looks at me. I'm a little nervous.

She rubs her temples. "She doesn't remember you."

I glowered at the table. I didn't know what to believe anymore.

Alice reached across the table and grabbed my wrist. "What the fuck happened to her? When she came back to Phoenix, she was a different person and those freaky dreams..." Alice's voice trailed off. Her eyes glazed over and I knew she wasn't with us anymore. Jasper bumped me with his knee. I wrenched my hand out of hers. For a small thing, she was surprisingly strong. Jasper was still working on prying her fingers off his hand.

As soon as we were no longer touching her, the light flicks on in her eyes again. "Uh, sorry about that," she muttered.

"Does that happen a lot," I asked her.

"Does what happen?" I know she's trying to act stupid but we are way past the point of hiding things anymore.

"Oh come on. You see things don't you?" I figured I'd just throw it out there.

Alice took a deep breath and poured herself another glass of wine. "I think I'm going crazy."

"I know the feeling, "I said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She snorted. "We are not here to talk about me or my visions."

"What exactly are we here for?" Jasper asked.

I sighed and laid my head on the table. Jasper rested his hand on my back. It did nothing to calm me down.

Alice took another deep breath. "So tell me about Forks."

Jasper leaned over to me. "Edward, it's okay," he whispered.

"No Jasper it's not fucking okay. It hasn't been okay since she left me holding that fucking note. Nothing has been right since she left. I can't fucking do this," I stand up so quickly the chair tips over. I need to get the hell out of here. I can smell her, feel her presence, hear her fucking breathing and I ache everywhere.

"Wait, Edward," Alice says.

"Nothing you say can change what happened..." She holds a finger up to her lips. I shut my mouth, but turn away from her.

"She said she got a letter from him telling her he couldn't pretend anymore and he didn't want her."

As the words fall from her lips, I drop down to my knees. I sense Jasper by my side.

"What does this mean," I mutter and bury my face in my hands. "Jasper, I didn't write her a letter. What the fuck is going on? Who would do this? I don't understand?"

* * *

**Hallelujah, we are getting closer to finding out the answers...So, here's the deal. See that little review button...use it cuz my lousy traffic page is NOT working so the only way I know anyone is reading this story is if you leave a review. If you like this fic at all leave something. Pushing the button and typing hi doesn't take much time. Kay...Plz...I'll let you comfort Edward. He needs a little loving. Until next week...Drizl **


	16. Going Back

**Okay so I was close to making the deadline. I said Sunday, but I meant Monday. Guess what I'm not S. Meyer, I 'm just borrowing her vamps for a little while. And surprise this is rated M for a good reason...lots of naughty language and hawt lemons. **

* * *

**Going Back**

**Chapter 16**

**Edward**

"What does this mean," I muttered and buried my face in my hands. "Jasper, I didn't write her a letter. What the fuck is going on? Who would do this? I don't understand?"

For several minutes I couldn't move as my brain processed everything. I was still on my knees when it all fell into place. I was going back to Forks and get some answers. I needed to confront Carlisle and if that didn't work, I was going after Charlie. I may not be able to break into Carlisle' mind, but I sure as hell could get to Charlie. Something wasn't right about this whole thing. I was pretty fucking sure I would remember writing a goodbye letter to Bella. I never wanted to leave her. For a few precious seconds I let me mind embrace the idea that maybe, just maybe she didn't write a letter to me either.

"I gotta go," I muttered.

"Edward, wait," Jasper pleaded.

"No, I need to go," I said sternly. There was no way he was going to stop me.

"Edward, I'm not going to make you stay, I just think maybe you should think this over."

"Jasper, I've done nothing for the past two years but think about this shit. I can't take it anymore and this last piece of information..."

I shoved my hands in my pocket and stalked out of the apartment, not looking back once. I ran all the way to the house. Jasper must have called to warn Emmett that I was in a mood because he and Rose were sitting on the couch waiting to ambush me.

"Sugar Pop, I don't think it's a good idea for you to run off half-cocked in the middle of the night."

"Right and when would you suggest I run off," I snapped. I wasn't up for any games tonight.

"Uh..." Emmett looked at Rose for help, but she just shrugged her shoulders.

"Whatever," I said as I walked to my room to pack a bag of clothes. I was ready to leave in about five minutes.

"Ya sure about this Sugar Pop," Emmett asked.

"I'm not sure about anything anymore except I did not write Bella a goodbye note and I'm going to find out who fucking did," I snorted.

"Call me when you get there," Emmett said. He held his hand out and pulled me into a one-armed guy hug. I fucking hated those stupid hugs, but it was so Emmett.

"Look, do me a favor and don't warn Carlisle," I said.

"Sure, I can't promise that Jasper hasn't already called him, but I'll relay your message to Jasper," Emmett said. "Hey, Edward, I really hope you find the answers you are looking for."

He rolled his eyes, patted me on the back again and then slipped a CD into my hand. I glanced down at it. It was Muse. I couldn't help but laugh.

Only Emmett could make me laugh when I wanted to rip everyone's fucking head off.

"Don't use it too much, wouldn't want anything to fall off."

His booming laugh filled the house and I felt...I didn't feel better, but I didn't feel worse.

At this point in my life, I just wanted answers. They didn't necessarily have to be the ones I wanted. I would settle for any answers just as long as it was the truth. I deserved to know the truth. All this shit had haunted me for two fucking years. It was either that or I would be checking myself into the crazy house for vampires. I wonder if I would be the first vampire to loose their mind?

Several minutes later I was barreling down the road.

**Bella**

I'm not really sure how I got home after that fucking fiasco in the restaurant. The scene in the bathroom replayed in my mind over and over. His lips on mine. The feeling of familiarity and comfort. What did I say to him...your eyes capture my fire...and I wasn't lying when I said that. His eyes...green eyes with golden flecks of fire burned into my soul.

I climbed into bed and pulled the covers over my head. I should have known that sleep was not a good idea. I tried, but every time I closed my eyes, he was there. Hell, when my eyes were open he was there and this time **he **had a name.

Edward...

The name drifted around the room, banging off the walls and back into my heart.

I needed a diversion or I was going to freak out. I crept out of my bedroom and found what I was looking for sitting on the bench by the front door. I grabbed the bag and scurried back to my room. Maybe this would help me get him off my mind. I pulled out my bookstore purchase, caressing the cover with my fingers. _The Cold Ones._ I was almost scared to open the book, but curiosity won out and I started to flip through the chapters.

I should have gone to sleep. The dreams would have been better than the fucking book.

Page after page of words. Words that meant nothing to me except they made my fucking chest hurt. I was reading a book about vampires and dreaming about hot vampire sex. I really was losing my mind. The nut house was going to come calling and fucking cart me away. Maybe it would be a blessing because right now I felt cursed.

More thoughts of his lips against mine floated through my brain. I was drowning in him. I licked my lips and the taste of him pounded into me. I ran to the bathroom and rinsed my mouth out.

He wasn't real. He wasn't real.

I couldn't deal with any of this shit. I tossed the book against the wall. It landed on the floor face down and that was it for me. I shut everything off. I ceased to be. Bella didn't exist anymore. I took up space, I breathed, I went to work and then I went home. Alice tried to engage me but I wasn't interested. The day we were supposed to go register for classes, I just shook my head. Some words came out of my mouth, but I really can't remember what I said to Alice. She about had an aneurism, but I didn't see the point of registering for classes when I wouldn't go anyway. I could barely do anything. I had nothing left.

**Alice**

It had been a week since Edward, Jaz and I had sat in our kitchen talking about that ridiculous letter. Edward left that night for Forks. Jasper had tried to reach him, but Edward was not answering his phone calls or his emails or his texts. Jasper was getting pretty pissed about the whole thing and regularly threatened to go to Forks and find out what the hell was going on with Edward. I told him to let Edward be, that he needed this time to find out what happened. I still didn't know the whole story, but the pieces were slowly falling into place. It was fucked up. I knew I was going to have to tell Bella, but she was in a really bad place right now and I didn't think she could handle anymore.

She had disappeared into herself and wouldn't talk to anyone. She didn't go register for fall classes, stating that there was really no point in trying to go to school right now. She looked at me with hollowed out, dead eyes and actually said she was not interested in the future. She didn't know what was real anymore. I tried to make her promise she would register for the spring semester. She didn't answer me.

I was at my wits end. The black circles under her eyes looked terrible. Her diet was almost non existent. I don't think she had slept for more than a few hours the entire week. I tried everything from talking to her to playing soothing music. When I talked she ignored me. When I put some music on, she freaked, threatening to smash my Ipod into itty bitty shards of plastic if I ever tried that again.

It was a long fucking week that looked like it was never going to end.

I was incredibly jumpy today. This was Bella's day off and I was afraid to leave her alone. I actually considered hiring someone to come sit with her. Why did she need a day off? At least I knew she wouldn't do anything stupid when she was at work. I told her to please call me if she needed anything. I wrote Jasper's cell number down, the coffee shop's phone number and even Emmett's. I asked her several times if she was going to be okay. She just stared at me with those flat dead eyes, waving her hand at me. I left her staring out her window, watching the rain.

Would she ever be okay again? I wouldn't blame her if she wasn't. The visions I had been suffering with were enough to drive me to the brink. I had so many questions, but things were so weird and fucked up that I didn't trust myself to ask the biggest question. I was afraid everyone, including Jasper, would think I was insane.

The only bright spot for me was Jasper and I wasn't getting enough time with him. We stole kisses everyday at work, but I wanted more and I know he wanted more. A girl would have to be blind not to notice the boner he sported everyday. The boy was certainly blessed in that area. God, I think I was falling in love with the guy.

He asked me to come home with him after work again, but I told him I had to go check on Bella.

I heard him mutter. "I'm gonna fucking kill Edward."

"Jaz, she's getting better. Life should be back to normal soon."

I lied my fucking ass off. I'm pretty sure Jasper could tell I was lying.

I blew him a kiss and I swear he groaned, quickly adjusting himself.

Bella needed to get over this shit soon or I was just going to jump him behind the coffee machine.

Things went downhill the minute I left the coffee shop. I tried to call Bella but she wasn't answering.

I knew it was bad when I got out of my car. I could hear that fucking piano playing again. I dialed Jaz as I was running up the stairs. There was no way I was going to be able to handle this alone.

"Jaz, get your ass over here. It's not going to be good. I can't do this anymore. She's scaring the shit out of me."

"Fucking Edward," he muttered. "I'll be right there baby."

I managed to unlock our door even though my fucking hands were shaking so badly I wasn't sure how I even held onto the keys. I pushed the door open, expecting to hear crying, instead it was silent. I think that was worse.

"Bella," I whispered.

I walked to her room, tapping on the door. I placed my ear against the door, but heard nothing. Just as I was about to open the door Jasper came up behind me.

"How did you get here...uh, never mind," I said. We didn't need to have that discussion right now.

He reached over my shoulder and pushed her door open.

It was freezing in the room. The window was wide open and the wind was blowing the curtains and the rain into the room. Bella was sitting in the middle of the floor holding her knees to her chest, rocking back and forth. There was no expression on her face, no light in her eyes. She had really disappeared.

"Bella," I gasped. My knees felt weak and I wobbled a little until Jasper put his arm around my waist, leading me over to Bella's desk. He made me sit in the chair.

"Bella," Jasper said softly. "Darlin' I'm going to close the window and then you and I are going to talk."

I held my breath, watching for any signs of life from Bella, but so far she wasn't acknowledging either Jasper or me.

He slammed the window shut, muffling the music from that piano. He joined Bella on the floor, prying her hands off her legs and started softly talking to her.

All of sudden Bella looked up at him. "Hi Jazzy, what are you doing here," she said quietly.

His fingers swept across her cheek.

"Bella, look at me," Jasper said, placing his hand under her chin.

Her eyes slowly raised up and met his. I let out a long breath of air. At least she wasn't catatonic.

She stared at him and I saw brief flickers of light in her eyes as she registered who was sitting in front of her. She furrowed her brow and looked at the ground.

"Isabella, please."

Her head jerked up and she inhaled sharply. "Don't call me that," she hissed.

"Why," he growled. "That's your name isn't it...Isabella." He drew out ever letter in her name, making a chill run down my spine.

I wasn't sure what he was doing and frankly, it sort of scared me and turned me on at the same time. An angry Jasper was a hot Jasper.

Bella's hands were now clenched into fists as she pounded the floor. Tears started falling down her cheeks and my heart felt like it was breaking. I started to stand but Jasper held his hand up and gave me a long hard stare. I sat back down.

"Isabella, do you trust me...," she murmured and then gasped. "Edward...he...he...he called me Isabella," she stuttered as she wrapped her arms around her body. She shivered. I watched as Jasper opened his arms, enveloping her in them.

"I'm sorry for everything, Bella. I don't know what happened, but I sure as hell am going to help you find out...if you want answers that is."

"I need to go back," she croaked out. "I need to go to Forks."

Jasper caught my eye and nodded. I guess we were going to Forks and it looked like we were going to leave immediately.

"Get some shit together for yourself and help Bella pack some things. I need to run home and talk to Emmett. It shouldn't take too long."

"Jasper started to leave when Bella cried out. "Wait Jasper."

"What darlin'?" His voice was tender this time.

"Is it him? Did I know Edward? Did I know you?"

Jasper lowered his head, closing his eyes. "I don't know if I should be the one having this conversation with you."

"Please just tell me anything, so I know I'm not crazy. I really feel like I'm going nuts. I don't know what's real anymore."

"He's real Bella."

"Why can't I remember."

"That I don't know, but we will find out," Jasper said. "Get ready, I'll be right back. "

Bella turned away from us and wiped her face with her sleeve, muttering. "If Charlie had anything to do with this, I'm going to kill him."

"You okay Bella?" I still was not sure she was stable.

"I think so. I'm really nervous about going back to Forks," she said in a small voice.

"I know, but it's time you knew what happened there. It's time Charlie gave you answers. I know you've said you never wanted to go back but you definitely have not been moving forward with your life."

Bella pulled out a small suitcase and started throwing a few things in the bag. "You better go get some stuff together. Jazzy will be back before you know it."

She was right. Jaz would be back shortly and then we would hit the road to go back to the place where all this shit happened. Before I even pulled out my suitcase, Jaz was standing in my room staring at me.

"Is she okay?"

"She's better, but I don't think she'll be okay until she knows the truth."

"Jasper sat down on my bed. "Um, Alice, how much do you know?"

I didn't dare look at him. What the hell was I supposed to tell him.

"Alice..."

I groaned and turned around to meet his hard stare. "Jaz, I don't really want to get into this right now."

"I know you know Alice. I need you to say the word."

I felt like he was looking right through me. I shook my head.

"Alice..." He was now standing directly in front of me. His hand slid up my arm. "'I've never met anyone like you before."

I snorted. "You're so full of shit, Jasper."

"That wasn't a line. I mean it, Alice."

He pulled me into his arms, pressing me up against his chest. God, I could die in these arms, literally.

"Um, I'm ready to go." Bella cleared her throat.

I felt Japer's lips touch my throat.

I stood on my tiptoes, traced the shell of his ear with my tongue and whispered. "Vampire."

* * *

**Well let me know what you think...I haven't been including any music in the last chapters because Bella doesn't like to listen to music anymore. oh yeah, and if you are so inclined check out my new blog Mad Mutterings of a Durty Girl which can be found at http:/teeganloy(dot)blogspot(dot)com Bring on the reviews**


	17. Can You Go Home Again?

**Jeesh, I made the deadline again for both stories. I may soon be in the loony bin...I might just be thinking I'm S. Meyer...Kidding...I'm not...way too durty to be her. We're just borrowing the characters and changing up their stories a little bit...lemons are kinda lacking in this chapter but it will only make next week's chapter better...Right..so rated M...if you are under 18 you ain't supposed to be reading this shit...rolls eyes..(like I wouldn't have been reading when I was that age)...and that's it for the lecture...on with the story. **

* * *

**Can You Go Home?**

**Chapter 17**

**Edward**

I was amazed I was able to find Forks. I think the car was on autopilot because I was lost in thought, trying to figure out what had happened two years ago.

That day...the accident. There was nothing unusual about it or was there? I got a text from Bella telling me she would be driving herself to school because she had some errands she needed to take care of after school. I had been picking her up to drive to school for several weeks. If she had things to do after school we usually did them together. I wonder if she really had something to do after school? I was starting to question everything.

I remember watching as her truck pulled into the parking lot. She got out and I could see her scan the area for me, but then she looked away. Her phone was ringing and she was digging in her backpack trying to find it, so she didn't see the van skidding toward her. Jaz and Emmett were standing next to me and both of them grabbed my arms, holding me tight as we watched the events unfold.

She screamed as the van knocked her to the ground. Her head hit the pavement with an awful thud and I saw the crimson liquid start to puddle on the ground. Emmett and Jasper tackled me to the ground, preventing me from getting to her. They were yelling that it was too risky. We could be exposed. Oh my fucking God, I needed to get to her before she died. I could save her.

Charlie and the ambulance showed up incredibly fast, too fast, like they had been waiting. He wouldn't plan an accident like that? I mean there would be no guarantees that she would actually live through it. No, that can't be right. No one would do that to their own child.

My mind was going so fast that I felt crazy. The accident kept replaying in my mind. I tried to focus on driving, but he scenery whirred by me in a twisted blob of greenery. I had no idea where I was when suddenly I realized I was pulling in to the long drive up to my parent's house. I sat in the car for what seemed like hours. What the hell was I going to say? Was Carlisle involved in all this shit? Did I want to know? Maybe I should just let **it** go, let **her** go. Maybe the truth was better buried. I had made it two years without her... what was an eternity...

I ran my hands through my hair. I didn't know what to do? What the hell did I want? I knew what I wished for but was it fair to her and really did she want me? Had she ever wanted me or was I just an interesting sideshow for her.

This was getting me nowhere, so I took an unnecessary deep breath and got out of the car, staring at the place that used to be my home. Now it made me uncomfortable. I hadn't been back since that day she left the hospital under the cover of darkness. The only reason I knew about Bella's departure was because I overheard Esme's thoughts after Carlisle had told her that Charlie was sending Bella away. At the time, I thought Esme pitied me, that she thought I had been stupid to fall for a human, but I think she was genuinely sad for me.

I left town three days later. Jasper and Emmett hunted me down when school ended and they had graduated. I'm not sure why they stayed. I never asked and they never volunteered any information. I decided it was to save the integrity of our family. Whatever. I wasn't particularly interested, but I was glad they showed up. It was nice to have them around and they put up with all my fucking moods without asking too many questions.

I got out of the car, taking in the surrounding scenery. Standing here in the drizzle was not getting me anywhere so I took the last few steps and tapped on the door. I didn't know if I was welcome and if things went as planned I probably wouldn't be welcome here ever again. I heard the sound of voices and suddenly I was staring at Esme.

"Edward," she said throwing the door open and pulling me into a tight hug. I wasn't expecting that reaction from her. "Come in dear."

I steadied myself and stared at the woman who called herself my mother. "Is Carlisle around?"

"Yes, he's in his study," she said slowly. I pushed past her. "Edward, is something wrong?"

"I need to speak with Carlisle, Esme. I don't mean to be rude."

She stared at me for a few seconds and I could tell by the look in her eyes that she knew why I was here.

She turned away from me and muttered. "I knew this would happen."

I blinked and she was gone.

I clenched my hands and growled. The anger was growing. The feelings made me powerful, not broken. I needed angry Edward. I understood him.

I shoved the door to Carlisle's study open. He was sitting at his desk, leaning back in his chair like he was waiting for me. I reached into my back pocket, pulling out the crumpled well-worn envelope, slapping it on the desk.

Carlisle sighed and reached for the letter. I pounded my fist on the desk, stopping Carlisle from taking the letter.

"I need to know why the fuck you ruined my life," I shouted.

"I only did what I needed to protect this family.

"Protect this family? From what?"

"I really don't need to answer your questions Edward, and if you keep shouting at me I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

He was so calm it almost unnerved me, but my anger rose to the surface again and I leaped across the desk, grabbing his collar. His eyes widened. I had caught him off guard.

"I have suffered for two fucking years and then she shows up and acts like she doesn't know who I am," I reached across the desk and grabbed the letter in my fist, shoving it in his face. "If she didn't write this, who the fuck did?"

Carlisle placed his hand over mine, trying to loosen the grip I had on his collar. I furrowed my brow at him.

"I did," he said with no emotion.

I wanted to fucking kill him. I wanted to hurt him like he had hurt me, but first I needed to why he did this to me. I let go of his collar and staggered backwards until my back hit the wall. I slid down to the floor and pulled my knees up to my chest. Carlisle the man who turned me, the man who called himself my mentor, my father was the one who did this to me.

I could barely speak. "Why?" It came out as a whisper.

I looked up at him, hoping to see some sign of remorse. I was met with cold, steel gray eyes. "I did it to protect all of you."

"What the fuck are you talking about. Who were you protecting us from?"

"Bella's father."

"Charlie? He's a fucking human," I spat.

"Yes a human who could destroy us all," Carlisle snapped. "I know you are hurt and angry and truthfully, I never thought it would come to this. I only recently found out the Bella was going to go to school in Portland. I cannot believe Charlie agreed to let her go, but I know she can be a stubborn pain in the ass and she just told him she was going. I really didn't think you two would run into one another."

I actually chuckled when he called her a pain in the ass, because when Bella wanted something she usually got what she wanted.

Carlisle took a huge breath. Man, Bella caused us all to do a lot of unnecessary breathing. I think she brought out the human part in all of us.

"Okay Carlisle start at the beginning. I deserve to know why the fuck you took the love of my life away from me."

"The love of your life? You loved her?" Carlisle sputtered, giving me a funny look "How? I mean...I thought it was bloodlust...she was your singer."

I frowned at him. "She was, is, but I loved...I'm not talking about this with you," I grimaced, fisting the letter in my hand. It hurt to hold the fucking thing.

"Look Edward, I was protecting my family. I didn't know what else to do. Charlie had me in a fucking corner."

"How the hell could Charlie have you in a corner?"

"He found out about us."

"What?" I shouted. "How."

Carlisle stared up at the ceiling and folded his hands. "He found Bella's journal and confronted me. I tried everything I could, but he kept snooping around. I tried to tell him it was just the ramblings of a teenager but he wouldn't let it rest and finally he figured it out."

Damn the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Bella was the same way. She picked and prodded until she had her answer.

"Couldn't you use compulsion to alter his memory?"

"I tried, but he is something like his daughter. They both have some sort of shield in their mind that make it impossible for any of us to get into their head."

"If she has a shield how does she not remember me?"

"I had to bring in the Volturri to help with her memory issue. I was amazed they went along with my request. I think we were relatively successful in making her forget you."

"God, Carlisle, how could you do this to me, to Bella. I've barely been able to function for two years."

"What would have me do Edward? Let Charlie expose us to the world? The Volturri would never allow that. We would all be dead. He would be dead and so would she."

I didn't want to hear anymore of this shit. I was going to the source of everything. I reached for the door handle.

"Edward, where are you going?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes," Carlisle stood up and started at me, but I quickly stepped away from him. "You need to forget her. Let her live a normal life, Edward."

"I fucking tried to forget her and it damn near drove me mad. I actually thought I was going crazy when I started to smell her, feel her and finally to see her," I hissed.

I ran out of the house and jumped back into my car. I slammed the car into gear, jammed the accelerator to the floor and took off. I was going to find Charlie Swan.

I figured Carlisle would call him so I went to his house to wait. It didn't take long before his cruiser pulled into the driveway. My immediate reaction was to fucking kill him and then I was going after Carlisle. I was able to reign my feelings in as I watched him get out of his car. He looked like a defeated man.

I opened my door and got out to face the man who two years ago pulled the rug out from under my feet.

"Edward Cullen," he said. "I never thought I'd see you back here."

"Cut the crap Charlie, I know Carlisle called you."

He let out a long breath. "C'mon in."

He climbed up the steps, unlocked the door and held it open for me. I glared at him

I stopped and he strode past me into the kitchen. I followed and pulled up a chair, trying to reign in my wish to rip Charlie's head off. My anger was pulsing out of me. I was having a hard time controlling myself. I reached in my pocket, taking out the letter again.

Charlie eyed me. "What do you want me to say? I was only trying to protect my daughter. I knew what you were planning to do to her."

"What the fuck are you talking about Charlie?" I really had no idea what the fucker was talking about. I hadn't planned on doing anything to Bella except maybe, tell her that I loved her.

"It was all in her journal. She had everything planned out."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Speak fucking English Charlie."

"You were going to change her."

"What? We never talked about that?"

"Well she certainly thought about it. She wanted to spend eternity with you. She was willing to give up everything to become like you."

"Charlie, I can honestly say that we never discussed Bella becoming a vampire."

Charlie's face was turning purple. "I don't give a shit what you say. There is no way I was going to let her do that, so I set the whole thing up."

I gasped. "You set the whole thing up? You made someone hit your own daughter." I was incensed. I stood up, tossing the chair across the linoleum floor. I wanted to kill the son-of-a-bitch. "She could've have been killed."

"Yeah, well that would have been better than spending the rest of time as a fucking filthy vampire with no soul, no heart, no chance at real love," he spat.

His words sliced into me. No soul, no heart...

I am a vampire. I do not deserve love. I am a monster.

Bella...Bella...Charlie was right. She didn't need this life. She deserved to have a normal life. It was better this way. She was better without me.

I didn't need to hear anymore. I stumbled out of Charlie's kitchen and got in my car. Where was I supposed to go? I closed me eyes wishing I could cry so I could release some of the pent-up emotions that were swirling around in my mind. She wanted me to change her? Was Charlie telling me the truth? Could she have loved me too or where they all just fucking with my head again.

I put the key in the ignition and started the car. I sped down the highway until I came to a familiar clearing. I turned off the main road and drove as far as I could, eventually the forest took over and I had to abandon the car. I sprinted through the woods, until I came to the hidden clearing nestled deep within the trees. We had been here before. I was going to take her here again and declare my undying love to her, but it never happened. I sank down to the ground and leaned up against a tree. The first thing I did was shut my phone off. I wanted no contact with anyone.

Time passed me by. Days, nights, I don't know how many disappeared. I was lost. Several times memories came back but most of the time I managed to force them away from me. I didn't want to think about her anymore. Carlisle and Charlie were both right. I couldn't put my family in danger and I didn't want to ruin Bella's life anymore than I already had.

I was about ready to get off the ground when the memory came back with such force that it drove me to my knees. I rolled over on my back and stared up at the dark sky. There was a break in the clouds, letting the sparkle of the stars shine through. I couldn't fight the memory, so I closed my eyes and let it fill me.

* * *

"_C'mon, Bella, I'll carry you." _

"_Right Edward, I'll just walk. You carrying me makes me want to barf." _

"_Aw, I love it when you talk dirty to me." _

"_Shut it Edward or I'm going back to the car." _

"_You would deny me the pleasure of taking you on a picnic." _

"_Yes." _She rolled her eyes and poked me in the side.

"_Your words hurt," _I laughed and clutched my chest. Too bad there was nothing beating in there. At the moment it sure felt like I was alive. I wanted to tell her how much she meant to me, how she made life worth living, but I was too frightened of her reaction. _"Besides, there's something you have to know about me." _

_"More secrets Edward, I don't know how much more I can handle, Mr. Vampire." _

_"It's nothing terrible Bella...just a little strange.." _I let my voice trail off.

We came to the meadow and she stepped out into the sun. I had purposely chosen a sunny day, because she needed to see me. I mean, really see me in the light of day.

_"Oh, wow," _she said twirling around. _"It's beautiful here. " _She hesitated for a minute and then shyly asked. _"Um, Edward, can you come out in the sun?"_

_"Yes, but maybe you should prepare yourself...it's a little...um, er...odd."_

She snorted. _"You're a vampire Edward. Are you telling me that's not odd? Everything about you is odd." _

_"Oh, thanks for that Bella...I lo..er...I.."_ Shit I almost said I love you...There was an awkward silence so I took the opportunity to get out of the moment by stepping into the sunshine.

She gasped as the light hit my bare skin making me glitter.

_"Holy shit, Edward...you're fucking beautiful."_

She launched herself into my arms and we engaged in a very heated kiss.

* * *

I closed my eyes and forced the memory out of my head. I couldn't do this anymore. It was over...All the things that Charlie said about no soul, no heart, no chance at real love. He was right. She _did _ deserve a good life and I was going to give it to her by staying the hell away from her. If Jasper and Emmett were going to keep dating her roommates I would leave Portland. I covered my eyes with my arm. I couldn't think about this right now.

I really wish I could sleep.

**Bella **

They were not aware of me standing in the door way. I watched as Jasper's lips touched Alice's throat. My hand automatically went to my neck where I touched my pulse point, feeling the beat of my heart under my fingertips. I almost groaned.

Alice stood on her tiptoes, traced her tongue around the shell of Jasper's ear and whispered. "Vampire."

A small smile ghosted across his lips.

I coughed. "Um, I'm ready to go," I said quietly. Jasper stared intently at me. I didn't back down and kept my eyes locked with his.

"You ready to go Bella," Alice repeated my statement. I shifted my gaze to her. She gave me her 'we will talk about this later' look. I rolled my eyes at her and left the room. I would go stand out in the hallway and wait for them.

I felt Jasper behind me.

"You doing okay, Bella," he asked cautiously.

"I'm fine," I snorted because he knew I wasn't fine. I knew I wasn't fine. I let the word vampire bounce around in my head, but I didn't say anything more to Jasper. We were several miles down the road before I spoke again.

"La tua cantante," I said. I watched as Jasper's neck muscles tensed and his shoulders moved up around his ears.

"Wow, Bella, I didn't know you spoke Italian," Jasper said.

"Cut the crap Jazzy. What does it mean and I know the literal translation so tell me what it really means."

He sighed, dropping his shoulders slightly. "It means my singer."

"Jeezus fuck, Jasper I said I know what the literal translation means..."

He interrupted me. "You are his singer...your blood sings for him."

Jasper's hands were gripping the steering wheel so hard I was afraid he was going to dislodge it from the steering column. Alice reached over and stroked his knuckles. He took a deep breath and made a concentrated effort to relax.

Beyond all reason, I continued on with the questions. "So does that mean he wants my blood."

"Fuck Bella, it's a lot more complicated than that. I could deal with that shit but he's in lo..." his voice trailed off and I kept quiet. I didn't think I wanted to know anymore. Maybe if I stared into the dark of night long enough I would remember something.

We drove in silence. Alice stopped Jasper from turning the radio on. He furrowed his brow at her, but she just shook her head and signaled that it was me who didn't want any music. I sighed and told them a little music would be okay. I would grit my teeth and bear it. Stupid music fucking with my head.

There was a break in the clouds and the moon stepped out, shining down on the woods.

"Stop," I screamed.

Jasper slammed on the brakes. "What the fuck, Bella," he hissed, but I was already out of the car and running into the woods. Was I fucking nuts? I could hear Alice yelling at Jasper to stop and then her voice disappeared as I plunged deeper into the darkened woods.

**Alice**

"Jasper, stop..." I said.

"Are you nuts. She can't run off into the woods alone."

"She's not alone...he's here."

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**I hope this story is starting to come together for everyone...I know I left you all on a cliff again...for that I'm sorry...er, not really...muwhahahaha...like I said over at my other story, I really am grateful for all the readers...Without readers there really isn't a story...So, thanks to everyone who reads, reviews, pimps the story, favorites it etc...you guys really do rock my world...Until next week...unless I get thrown in the loony bin...then just send me Edward or Jasper to keep me company...*wink wink*...And I'm outta here...Drizl **


	18. There is No Going Back

**Jeez, did I make it? Is it still Monday...well, in my world it is, so I guess that means I made my deadline. Heavy sigh. This was a hard chapter to write, but I managed to keep myself out of the loony bin...so far...so I'm still not S. Meyer. She owns all the shit...I just own the stuff that runs around in my head...this fic is rated M for some mighty good reasons...I plant lemon trees in my field and nasty language abounds...don't like, don't read...I hope you enjoy this chapter...bring on the angst.**

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**There is No Going Back**

**Chapter 18**

**Bella **

I couldn't hear Alice or Jasper anymore as I plunged deeper into the forest. Soon I was stumbling and falling on my face every few steps. The canopy of the trees was hiding the moon so it was pretty dark in here. Was I crazy? Did I know where I was going or did I just leap off the deep end. Actually it didn't matter, I wasn't ready to confront Charlie. Was I really ready to find out about my past? I was a coward.

I mean the whole thing was crazy. Vampires? They were fucking real? I still wasn't sure I really believed Jasper but it would help explain the weird biting vampire dreams of mine. I had been dating a vampire? That was one of the strangest sentences I had ever constructed in my life. I dated a vampire. Saying that out loud to sane people would get me tossed into the mental ward.

One thing I was positive about was that Alice believed Jasper was a vampire. I suppose that meant Emmett was one too. I wonder if Rosalie knew about them? God, that was a stupid thing to be concerned about. Here I was wandering around in the fucking woods in the middle of the night and I was worried about Rosalie and Alice and their vampire boyfriends.

I stopped, leaning up against a tree. It was too much. I suddenly wanted to go back to Portland and pretend none of this had ever happened. How could I do that though? I'd spent the last two years tortured by those fucking nightmares and visions. Knowing the truth was the only way I could get on with my life, because I certainly did not have a life right now. I needed to stop being a coward and get to the bottom of everything.

I walked for what seemed like forever in the darkness. I started to wonder what other sort of monsters existed. If a vampire was real, why not werewolves. Maybe I was being stalked by one right now.

"Get a grip, Bella," I snorted to myself. Right, it had been a long time since I had a grip on reality.

What was I doing out here? I wanted to scream. I closed my eyes for a few minutes and took a few deep cleansing breaths. It wasn't helping, but for some reason I couldn't turn back, not yet, so I kept moving forward until I could see a break in the trees off in the distance.

I broke into a run. I was so noisy, the dead would hear me coming. I reached the edge and stopped, staring across the open field. A breeze ruffled my hair. I looked up and stared at the bright moon and a night sky filled with millions of stars. A feeling of comfort flooded me. Had I been here before?

It was eerily quiet, but I wasn't afraid anymore. I lowered myself to the ground and let it overtake me.

* * *

I was standing on the edge of the meadow. He had brought me here. He...he had a name now...Edward.

"_Oh, wow," _I said twirling around. _"It's beautiful here." _I hesitated for a minute and then shyly asked. _"Um, Edward, can you come out in the sun or will you burn up or something?"_

He cocked his head and smirked at me._ "I'm not going to burn up, but maybe you should prepare yourself...it's a little...um, er...odd."_

I snorted. _"You're a vampire. Are you telling me that's not odd? Everything about you is odd."_

_"Oh, thanks for that Bella...I lo..er...I.." _He cleared his throat, shifting his eyes away from me.

Shit did he almost say he loved me? Maybe I should say it first, but that was silly, he couldn't love me. He was perfect and I was just me. There was an awkward silence so he took the opportunity to get out of the moment by stepping into the sunshine.

I gasped as the light hit his bare skin making him glitter. My mouth dropped open and for several minutes I was just lost in his beauty. Maybe it was rude, but I couldn't help it. He was stunning.

_"Holy shit...you're fucking beautiful."_

I lost myself in the moment and launched my body into his arms. His arms went round my waist, pulling me into his embrace. I could stay like this forever. I tilted my head and looked up at him, smiling. His breath washed over me, making me sigh. I reached up and tugged on his hair. I needed his lips to touch mine.

"_Impatient tonight?" _He chuckled, lightly touching his lips against mine. I needed more. I grabbed a chunk of hair, yanking it this time. I knew I couldn't hurt him, but I wanted to be in charge this time.

I whispered his name as I touched my lips to his. _"Edward?"_

"_What is it Bella?" _He sounded a little annoyed as he tried to gain access to my mouth. I twisted away from him, giggling.

"_Is there anyone around?" _

"_What do you mean,"_ he asked as he nibbled on my earlobe.

"_No one is going to interrupt us right?" _

He took a deep breath, sniffing the air. _"No one around for miles," _ he mumbled. _"Why do you ask?" _

I stepped back from him, staring a little because the sun was still bouncing off his skin, shattering the light into a million diamonds. _"I want to see if you sparkle everywhere." _

If he could blush, I think this would have been the moment, but I wasn't going to give him a chance to think about anything but me. He seemed a little uncomfortable exposing himself in the sunlight, but I didn't care. He was the most beautiful thing in the world and I loved him. The thought alone scared the piss out of me, but maybe I would say the words today or maybe I could just show him.

I grabbed his hands bringing him down to the ground with me, pushing him back so he laid back. I straddled his hips, unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall open. The effect was dazzling and took my breath away. I leaned forward placing gentle kisses on his neck and down his chest. His nipples pebbled when I took each one in my mouth. He groaned and arched his back. I glanced down and saw the strain on the denim from his raging desire.

I continued kissing his chest but allowed my hands to wander down the little trail of hair to the top of his jeans. I opened the button, yanked the zipper down and stroked his cock through the material of his boxers. He was whimpering and thrusting his hips into my hand. My kisses followed the path my hands had taken, only stopping to bite at his hipbones, which seemed to make him thrash more.

I snuck a peek at him. He was glorious, moaning in pleasure with his shirt laying open and the sunlight bouncing off his chest, but it wasn't enough, I wanted to see it all. I fisted the material of his boxers, dragging them over his hips and exposing that beautiful cock of his. Jeezus, it fucking did sparkle.

"_I told you," _he giggled and with that sound I came undone. I swear I had an orgasm from looking at him and hearing his delicious giggle. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming. I decided my mouth needed to be occupied so I gripped the shaft and brought my lips to the head, licking the shimmering slit.

I opened my eyes again, watching as his hands balled into fists as he tried to remain statue still. I loved that I had this much power over his perfect body. I lowered my mouth down his rigid dick, hollowing out my cheeks and relaxing my throat so I could take it all in. Well, as much as I could fit without choking myself to death. I took my time, keeping my eyes fixated on him as I pleasured him.

He was mumbling and twisting his head side to side. I filled my mouth with him and sucked hard. I listened as he let loose a string of curse words.

"_Holy fuck...your mouth...heaven...my angel... I...fuck...ugh...sonofabitch..."_

It was at that moment I realized how much I wanted to hear him say the words. I wanted to beg, to ask him if I was just an amusement of if I was the real deal to him. He was it for me. I would do anything for him.

"_Ohmyfuck...gonna cum..." _He tried to force my head away, but I had gotten used to the force of his release and I clamped down, taking it all in until the pulsing died away and his hips stilled. I looked up at him and was met by intense green eyes staring at me.

I crawled up his chest and snuggled into the crook of his arm. He stroked my hair and whispered so quietly I couldn't make the words out. It was more of a soothing hum in my ear. He rolled me over, hovering over my body. He took his time, popping each button on my shirt, letting it fall open as I had done with his. He laid his head against my chest sighing into my skin. The vibrations traveled straight to my clit. I swear I was going to orgasm from his voice vibrating against my skin.

He was getting hard again and I was having a hard time waiting. My bra disappeared and his mouth clamped on my nipple, making me cry out.

"_Oh my...please...fill me...consume me...claim me..." _I was shouting, driving my hips against his erection.

He growled and ripped my pants from my body. I gasped as the breeze hit my overheated sex and before I knew what was happening he was in me.

"_Yes," _I heard myself shout. I wrapped my legs around him, driving him deeper. I wanted him to claim me, mark me, fucking bite me again.

I heard myself yelling again and moving my hair away from my neck. _"Now...take me now...I need my blood in you too." _

He groaned and I felt his teeth slid up my neck, stopping at the pulse point. My insides clenched as I remembered the last time. I wanted that feeling again and again, the burning. My blood for him, to sustain and nourish him. In a way, I possessed him when he drank from me.

"_La tua cantante...Io l'amero per sempre..." _I had no idea what he said, but it turned my insides to mush and then I heard the familiar pop as his teeth broke my tender skin. The fire filled my body and sent me spiraling down a long dark tunnel. I stopped breathing, trying to sustain the feeling for a few more seconds. This was going to be an epic orgasm. I couldn't hold off any longer. He was still driving into me, hitting spots I didn't even know existed. I drove my whole body into him. He groaned into my throat as I felt his teeth release my skin. His tongue washed away any evidence of his invasion. The fire was still roaring through me, gathering in my abdomen. His finger moved to my clit. Good fucking god, he was going to kill me. The pressure on my button shoved me through the open door and I clenched down around his dick. I felt every pulse of my orgasm from the end of my hair to my fucking toenails.

"_Oh fuck," _he yelled as he joined me by shooting his load into me.

Wave after wave slammed through my body. I clawed at his back and wrapped my legs tightly around him. I never wanted this feeling to go away. I wanted to be joined with him forever, but nothing good lasts forever and after several minutes I had to pull away so I could catch my breath. Every muscle in my entire body ached. It was the best fucking sex ever.

* * *

"Holy shit," I whispered as my eyes opened, taking in the meadow again. "Did that really happen?"

What the hell was going on with me. I should be used to this shit by now. I didn't know how many more of these fucking sex dreams I could take. I stood up and dusted off my pants. What the fuck was I going to do now? I was out in the middle of nowhere by myself. I buried my face in my hands desperately trying to get myself to calm down. There was no need to have a panic attack right now and really what good would it do. Fuck, I was so screwed.

I should have stayed home.

I bit my lip and searched through my pockets looking for my cell phone. I dug it out and opened it up, only to be told there was no service up here. Fuck.

"That won't work up here."

"Holy fucking shit," I yelled and dropped the phone. I cautiously looked up into the face of one Edward Cullen.

"What the hell are you doing here," we both yelled simultaneously. For one brief moment I thought about running, but what good would that do? Even if he wasn't a vampire, he could catch me before I got to the tree line.

"You shouldn't be here," he muttered.

"Oh really, is this a private meadow," I grumbled.

"No, it's late and you shouldn't be out alone."

What the hell was this guy's problem. "Whatever." I shrugged my shoulders. I'd had enough of this stupid conversation, so I started walking away. I had no clue where I was going but I needed to get away from him.

"Wait, don't go," he said almost pleading.

I let a long breath out. "I can't do this."

"Why are you here?"

"Here in the meadow or here in Forks? I can tell you why I'm in Forks, but I have no fucking clue why I'm out here in the middle of the night."

I figured why lie to him. I was tired of people lying to me so I wasn't going to do it anymore.

His green eyes felt like they were boring into my head, but I couldn't look away from him. "Okay, so why are you in Forks," he asked.

"I need some answers," I stated. "Look Edward, I think I'm supposed to know you, but I don't...I don't remember you. I'm fucking trying, but right on there's only flashes and weird er, dreams..." I let my voice trial off because I did not want him to ask me about the dreams. A bolt of heat ran straight down to my core when scenes from the meadow popped into my head.

"Maybe it would be best if you just left the past alone," he said quietly. He sounded like he was in pain, but then I made the mistake of looking into his eyes and was hit with an icy glare that took my breath away. "Sometimes it might be best not to know."

My anger was starting to rise. "Ya know, I don't really understand what your problem is with me. I'm sorry if I did something to you, but I can't fucking remember. I've spent the last two years of my life being haunted by shit so quit being such a prick and really what does it matter to you if I remember or not," I growled.

He looked slightly taken aback by my outburst. "You should stay away from me."

"Jeesuz Edward, you fucking run hot and cold and anyway, I know what you are." I raised my eyebrow at him, hoping to get some sort of rise.

"Great," he muttered and turned away from me.

Not the response I was hoping for, but I didn't understand this guy at all. I knew I was drawn to him but right now he was just pissing me off. "Look could you just help me get out of this place and I promise to never ask you for anything again."

He stared at me and then did something totally unexpected. He brushed his fingers across my cheek, closing his eyes like he was remembering something. I leaned into his hand and just like that he pulled away. The loss of contact made me feel empty.

"Fuck," he hissed so quietly I barely heard it.

"Edward," I whispered.

"No," he shouted. I wasn't sure if he was yelling at me or himself, but it made me jump. "Let's go," he said grabbing me by arm.

"Fuck, Edward, slow down," I yelled as he pulled me into the woods making me stumble.

"Sorry," he stopped, let go of my arm and ran his fingers through his hair. "I can't do this."

"What! You can't just leave me out here," I shouted.

He huffed and before I knew it he grabbed me and threw me on his back. I felt like I was flying and getting incredibly airsick all at once. Within minutes we were standing at a hotel on the outskirts of Forks. I saw Jaz's car. Edward stopped and I slid down off his back, barely able to stand. I turned to say something to him, but he was already gone.

"Fucking vampires," I mumbled. I stood up, swaying unsteadily and knocked on the door. I took the chance they were in the room nearest the car. Alice opened it.

I pushed past her. She knew better than to ask me any questions. Jasper just looked at me. I glared back and silently dared him to ask me, but he kept his mouth shut. I went into the bathroom, slamming the door where I promptly broke down. I dissolved into a puddle of tears, collapsing on the bathroom floor.

How could I have ever loved that guy?

**Edward**

I was broken. That was the hardest thing I had ever done in my long fucking life. She had been right there...in our meadow...and all could think of was that I was not worthy of her.

I am a vampire. I do not deserve love. I am a monster.

For a short time I had been granted time with an angel. She had been my Bella...and I was going to do the right thing and give her up because she deserved a real life filled with love and children, to grow old with someone who thought the world of her.

I hung my head, defeated.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Edward."

"Jasper," I said, shaking his hand off my shoulder.

"What are you doing?"

"Giving up," I answered.

"What? Why man," he asked. "For the past two years all you've wanted was her. You kept that stupid t-shirt, you...are you crazy? You can't give up."

"Charlie knows about us and forced Carlisle to help him make Bella forget. Charlie actually set the accident up."

Jasper's eyes widened. "That's just not right, Edward."

I snorted. "Yeah well, it's what happened. Carlisle and Charlie wrote the letters."

"You need to tell Bella. She deserves the truth from you."

I looked away from him. I couldn't face him. "No, she doesn't deserve this life. She...I'm a...fuck, I'm a monster."

"Guess that makes me a monster too," he grinned at me. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Fuck you Jasper, this is serious." I paused. "I'm leaving. Contact me when Bella graduates or leaves the city or you guys decide to go somewhere else."

Jasper moved his hand to my shoulder again. "Edward, you don't have to do this. Just talk to her. Help her remember and quit selling yourself short. You're no fucking monster. I remember Edward. You and her together. It was right. She adored you. I still feel flashes of it when I'm near her and I sure as fuck can feel you still love her," he said narrowing his eyes at me.

"Jas, it's over."

I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and walked away.

I didn't look back.

* * *

**O.o.O Drizl runs away ducking the flying objects and nasty curses coming her way...sorry...really I hadn't planned that, but that's what Edward decided...dumb ass...please don't flame me out...I'll be hiding in my closet wearing my fire proof jacket...So until next week...I'm outta here...oh, and the Italian words spoken by Edward..um mean (I hope this is what they mean) I will always love you...aw he did tell her...maybe he doesn't count it since she doesn't speak Italian...Okay, now I'm really outta here! Drizl **


	19. I Remember

**Hey, made my deadline again...Before we get started I want to apologize for making Charlie such an asshole...believe me it was hard to write him like that, but essential to this story...You all know the rest...I'm not Steph Meyer...blahblah rated M for a reason...blahblah...On with the angst ridden story...**

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**I Remember**

**Chapter 19**

**Alice **

I felt it the moment it happened. He left. The fucker left her. What the hell? How could he walk away from her. After all the shit I had felt and all the crap that constantly flickered in my mind. He was always with her. He never left. For the first time in my life, my freaky visions had failed me. I was going to go after Edward and kill the S.O.B.

A few moments later, Jasper came back to the hotel room. He didn't even look at me, instead he brushed right past me and sat down on the bed.

"Spill it," I snapped.

Jasper lowered his head. "Why, you already know. There's no use rehashing everything."

I bit the side of my cheek to keep from screaming. "Aren't you going after him. He can't just leave. He's not supposed to leave," I sputtered. "It's going to kill her."

"There's nothing I can do. I can't force him to..." Jasper stopped, averting his eyes. "Alice, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," I said moving to kneel in front of him. "This whole thing is so fucked up."

I laid my head in his lap. I was so tired of everything. We all deserved to know the truth, but I seriously didn't know if I could handle it. I started to think it could all wait until tomorrow. Bella however, had other plans.

Both Jasper and I looked up when the bathroom door banged opened. I expected her to come slinking out, ready to burst into to tears, but this was not the Bella who came out of the bathroom. I could tell she had been crying from the red rims around her eyes, but there was also a hard edge in her eyes. This Bella was pissed and she was still fully dressed.

I stood up and held out my hand to her. "Honey, you should get in your pajamas. You need a little sleep."

"Alice, sleep is the last thing I need right now. What I need is to know the fucking truth. All of it," she hissed. She breezed past me to Jasper and glared at him, sitting down on the bed next to him.

"Talk," she snapped.

"Bella, it's not my story to tell," he said quietly.

Ah jeez, wrong answer Jaz. Bella looked like she was going to blow. Her face was beet red and anger was practically oozing out of her.

She clenched her jaw. "Bullshit! He's not here and I want to know everything, so when I go to Charlie and...what the hell is your dad's name?"

"Uh, what?" Jasper muttered.

"Your dad's name? What the fuck...wait Carl...er no...hell, Lyle...I...dammit, it's a weird name..." She groaned. "Fucking Carlisle...his name is Carlisle and he's a goddamn doctor."

God, I don't think I had ever seen Bella so pissed off. It was a little unnerving for me.

Jasper's eyebrows raised. "Bella, you're remembering."

She tilted her head, scrunching up her face. "Wait, he was **my** doctor. At the hospital, Carlisle was my doctor after the car accident. I remember another man there. Scary looking dude. He kind of looked like something out of an old horror movie or like he belonged in an 18th century castle."

"Volturi," Jasper hissed.

I didn't dare ask what or who Volturi was.

Bella stood up and started pacing around the room. Jasper's eyes followed her movements and he started whispering encouraging words to her. "That's right, Bella...try to remember. Open your mind."

She threw her arms in the air and screamed. "How could they do that to me, to us. They destroyed everything and for what?"

"Calm down Bella," Jasper said in a very even-tempered voice. "Just relax and let it come back to you."

She stopped, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I kept waiting for her to start breathing again. I noticed I was holding my breath. This fucking sucked. A few more seconds and I was going to implode, but then Bella shrieked. The pain that ripped through the room sent me sliding down the wall and knocked Jasper to his knees.

My god, she had loved him with everything. I had never felt love so pure. He was everything to her. Tears streamed down my face as her memories rocked into me.

Jasper gasped and I crawled over to him to offer him some comfort.

"Stop, Bella, please," he begged. The emotions spilling out of her were so intense it felt like Jasper was in pain. He actually shuddered when I touched him.

"Bella," I shouted. She looked at me with glazed eyes.

"I remember," she breathed out and let her head loll forward against her chest.

**Bella**

I couldn't breathe.

"Oh god, I remember. It felt like there was a wall in my mind, but suddenly, without much warning it crumbled and everything came back."

It was overwhelming, like an avalanche. I felt like I was watching a movie on fast forward. I was trying to take everything in, but it was difficult and hurtful. I was going to kill Charlie and Carlisle. They had no right to interfere in my life. It was my choice. My choice to love him, my choice to spend my existence with him and my choice to join him in his life.

"Bella," Jasper choked out.

I looked over at the blonde vampire who was crumpled up on the floor. "Oh Jazzy, I'm so sorry."

My emotions were all over the board and I could see him trying to fight through all my pain.

He took an unnecessary breath and gave me a crooked grin as he sat up. "Holy shit, that was intense."

"You think? Try having it happen in your head."

Jasper huffed and shook his head.

"Oh right, I suppose it was like you were in my head."

"No, it was more like I was in your heart," he said softly.

I took in a sharp breath and looked away from him, trying to keep the pain of the memories from touching me, but now I could feel the anger rising up in me again.

I balled my hands into fists struggling with the intense hatred that flooded my body.

Jasper groaned as he tried to counteract my anger with calm. It wasn't working.

"Jasper, maybe you should take a walk or go for a hunt. I need to talk to Alice before I face Charlie and Carlisle."

For once he didn't argue with me. He nodded, gave Alice a quick hug and was out the door before I finished blinking.

I would never get used that annoying speed. "Vampires," I muttered.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice gave my arm a squeeze, encouraging me to sit down on the floor.

"No, but I'm better," I sighed. "Does that even make sense?" I shook my head and let it fall back against the bed, staring up at the peeling paint on the ceiling. "My own father?"

I wiped a few stray tears and swallowed hard. "How long have you known?"

"Erm, about what?" Alice asked.

"Everything."

"I still don't know everything. My visions are incomplete and they change. I started having all these weird visions when you came back to Phoenix."

"You do know that Jasper is a vampire, right?"

She let out a small squeak and blushed furiously. Obviously she knew more than I had given her credit for. I let out another breath of air, unsure how to continue this conversation.

"Bella, I love him and I don't care what he is," she blurted out.

I can't say I was surprised. I think she loved him the minute she saw him.

"I felt that once," I mumbled. She gaped at me.

"You really do remember," she whispered. I wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to go see Charlie and Carlisle. I'm not going to tell them I remember immediately. I want to see what they say. Not that there's anything they can say to make it better. What they did is unforgivable."

Alice touched my hand. "Honey, I wasn't talking about Charlie or Carlisle."

For a second I forgot how to breathe and my heart clenched. "Oh."

"I'm sorry Bella, I just..."

"It's okay Alice. There isn't anything I can do. He made his choice. I'm not going to run after him. I need to move on with my life."

That stupid ache in my chest was back again. Alice started to say something, but thought better of it and clamped her lips shut. I stood up and headed toward the door.

"Where do you think you're going," she asked.

"There's no time like the present to get this out into the open. I'm going over to see Charlie. When Jasper comes back, could you tell him to go let Carlisle know I will be calling on him as well."

Alice shook her head. "This is crazy Bella."

"No, what they did to me was crazy. Remember don't tell Carlisle that I know." I opened the door, stepped outside and watched as the door clicked shut. I was actually quite stunned that Alice didn't put up more of a fight to stop me. Not that she could have done anything, but I thought there would be more shouting and pleading.

Maybe I should just run away. He did. For some reason, I didn't think running away would help me. I needed to get past all this crap and running away would be like shoving it into a closet. I would always know it was there, but I wouldn't have any real answers.

This was fucking nuts. It was the middle of the night. Well, really, it was closer to dawn. I sighed and started walking to Charlie's house. The closer I got to the house the more my anger raged. By the time I got to the front steps I was so pissed off my whole body was vibrating. I was just about to rap on the door when I stepped back. I needed a minute to compose myself. I didn't want to launch myself at Charlie the moment he opened the door. I wanted to play with him for a little while, before I slapped him in the face with my new-found memories.

I let them come forward, smashing against my heart. I whimpered as flashes of his face danced in front of my eyes. Those beautiful green eyes, that wonderful messy hair, the sweet crooked grin...oh god, he had been perfect. He could have anyone. No wonder he didn't stick around, but I still couldn't deny how much I loved him.

I gasped. I still loved him, but he left me. I couldn't think about that right now. My strength was cracking. I needed to quit thinking about him.

Shit, maybe it had been better when I didn't remember.

"Oh God, Edward," I whispered. A few more tears spilled down my face. I was panting, fighting the memories. "No, I'm not letting this get the better of me."

A small sound from the woods made me jump. I almost slipped down the steps. Hope filled me, but I saw nothing but blackness and I felt every bit of happiness drain out of me. It was silly that I actually thought it would be him coming to me.

This is Charlie's fault. He ruined everything for me. I stood up and banged on the door, yelling out his name. I figured it was better to just jump right into the fucking fire.

After several minutes of yelling and banging, a very disheveled, worn-out Charlie opened the door. He rubbed his eyes fiercely. I suppose he was trying to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"Hello Father," I said venomously.

"Bella, what in the world are you doing here."

"Oh, I don't know. I thought I'd just drop in for a quick visit."

Charlie stuck his head out the door, looking over my shoulder, peering into the woods.

"There's no one else here Charlie," I snorted and pushed my way into the house.

Now that I was standing face to face with him, I wasn't exactly sure how to proceed. One part of me wanted to slap him in the face and ask him what the hell he was thinking when he destroyed my one true love. Another part of me wanted to curl up in a ball and let him really see what he had done to me. I wanted him to feel my pain.

"I'm assuming you are here about him," he sneered. His voice was dripping with so much hate that it made my stomach churn.

"No, Charlie, I'm here about me. What you did to me. This visit has nothing to do with him."

So much for keeping regaining my memory a secret. I was sick of secrets anyway. Nothing good ever came from keeping secrets.

"I saved you," he said.

I spluttered. "Saved me...are you fucking kidding me?"

"Watch your language daughter of mine," he growled.

"You have no right to call me your daughter. You gave up those rights when you lied to me, when you decided to make decisions you had absolutely no right making."

He glared at me; I sent icy daggers back at him.

He found his voice again and shouted. "I did it for you, to protect you, to save you from that life."

"Oh. My. God! Are you kidding me. You didn't save me. You fucking broke me. For the past two years, I thought there was something wrong with me. I always felt like there was something missing. I had a hole in my chest. You son-of-a-bitch, you took the love of my life away from me and for what?"

Charlie's face was maroon as he shouted. "For what...he's a goddamn vampire and you were ready to give away your soul, your life for him."

"Jeez Charlie are you kidding me...my soul...my life? Edward was my life. He was the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Hmm, it's interesting that I don't see him here with you now."

"Wow, that hurt. My god, Charlie, what did Edward ever do to you? What did I do or was it because I was happy and you are just a miserable asshole who couldn't handle someone else being happy. Just because your life has been one big failure."

I could almost feel my words slice into him.

"I.." I interrupted him. I really didn't care to hear any more explanations. As far as I was I concerned no explanations could ever make what he did right.

"It doesn't really matter, because I guess in the end your plan worked, so I give the victory to you. I hope you are happy with everything. You ruined my life, but I will survive."

My shoulders dropped and I sighed.

"Bella, in time you will see it was the right decision."

I sucked in a quick breath. "No Charlie, I will never see that...Edward was the world to me. It didn't matter what he was...it only mattered **who** he was and he was a wonderful man. He was kind and caring. He was more human than you could ever be."

Charlie's mouth fell open. He looked genuinely hurt by that comment. He opened his mouth to say something else, but I held my hand up, shaking my head. I didn't want to hear anything else from him. It was over.

"I've said my peace. Do not try to contact me ever," I hissed.

I moved to the door about ready to pull it open, when someone knocked and the door swung open, smashing into the wall.

Jasper and Carlisle strode into the living room. Jasper caught my eye and I gave him a small nod, signaling that I was okay.

An awkward silence filled the living room until Alice walked in and started shouting at my dad and Carlisle. She was talking so fast, I could barely understand her. She pushed her finger into Charlie's chest, making him squirm nervously. I almost wanted to laugh at the tiny pixie backing a full grown man into a corner. She huffed and walked back to Jasper, letting him put his arms around her waist.

More awkward silence. I wanted to leave. I didn't see the point in continuing this conversation, but since we were here there was one more thing I wanted to know. I turned to Carlisle.

"Why?" I questioned him. "I guess I could understand why you wouldn't want me around, but Edward..."

Carlisle's piercing black eyes looked right through me. "I didn't have a choice, Bella."

"There's always a choice," I chided.

He groaned. "I know, but at the time, I thought I only had one choice. Charlie threatened my family."

"You should have come to Edward and me instead of stealing my memories and that letter...that stupid letter haunted me for two years and I had no idea want it meant."

Carlisle lowered his eyes. "I know telling you how sorry I am will never make up for what I did, but I am truly sorry I didn't come to you."

Charlie grunted. "I should have exposed you anyway."

That comment sent me spiraling over the edge. I wanted to claw his eyes out. I flew across the room until I was standing toe to toe with my dad. At that moment I knew what would hurt him.

A scary evil laugh bubbled out of me. "You really think you can stop me! Fuck, Charlie, I bet I could find a vampire who would happily change me," I sneered. "Just because you stopped me once doesn't mean I won't find another way. Hell, why don't we do it tonight."

I was so angry I didn't know what I was doing any more. It all happened so fast. I grabbed some glass trinket that was sitting on the end table and smashed it. I watched it shatter, picking up a small shard of glass and slicing into my finger. The blood ran down my hand.

"I've been told I have very tantalizing blood. Is that true Jazzy," I asked waving my hand in the air. Jasper hissed and Alice swore at me. I gasped and at that moment I realized what I had done.

"Oh fuck, Jasper, I'm so sorry," I said, shoving my bleeding hand into my pocket.

Jasper's beautiful green eyes were completely black. The look on his face was worse than anything. I was making a complete mess out of everything. Jasper didn't deserve to be included in my hell.

Carlisle rushed over, pulling my bleeding hand out of my pocket. I yanked it away from him and backed up against the wall.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to...Jasper please forgive me...I...oh God I'm as bad as them..." I burst into tears and slid down the wall. Shit, I didn't want to cry in front of them, but I had used someone else to prove a point to my dumb ass father.

I heard Carlisle tell Charlie to get a clean washcloth and a bandage.

"No," I said jerking my hand back. "I need to get the hell out of here."

I rose to my feet and headed for the door. My dad was just coming back down the stairs. I glared at him.

"Charlie, do not do anything to the Cullens. I will make you regret it." I shouted and with that final statement I rushed out the door, slamming it on my way out.

I ran all the way back to the hotel room before I let everything wash over me. I sat on the edge of the bed and buried my face in my hands. I was overwhelmed. There was so much running through me that I couldn't process any of it. I was numb and for once, I was thankful.

I decided a bath would be in my best interest. I wanted to wash away everything and I needed a good cry.

I sighed and went to gather my pajamas.

"Oh my fuck," I said as I stared at my suitcase. Sitting on top of my bag was a white envelope with my name written in gold lettering.

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**I know another cliffie and plz don't flame me for making Charlie an ass...Next chappie will be Edward's POV cuz he owes me. I want to know where the hell he is and what he's thinking about...Oh, and thanks to everyone who left a review...last week sucked add and I didn't get to replying...I really do appreciate all the reviews and I do read them. Until next week...I'm outta here...Drizl **


	20. Letting Go

**Yes Yes Yes...I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Sorry for being so excited but I need a vacation...Actually, I need to get back to my own characters for a bit. Been concentrating on Steph Meyer's wonderful characters for too long. Anywhooo...I hope you like this chapter. **

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**Letting Go**

**Chapter 20**

**Bella **

I couldn't move. I didn't want to deal with another letter. Why couldn't anyone just talk to me face to face? To me, writing a letter was the coward's way out. My fingers trembled as I reached out for the stupid thing. Maybe it wasn't important that I read the letter. Edward was gone. I didn't really care about hearing why. It didn't change the fact that he had bolted. Knowing why wouldn't make it any easier. If anything it would make it worse.

I sighed, grabbed the letter and sat down on the bed. Memories swirled around me, flickering in and out of my head making my chest hurt. I closed my eyes and let them assault me for a few moments. I had been happy and for just a bit I allowed myself to revel in the feeling. It was intoxicating and painful. I shook my head, willing the memories to disappear.

I opened my eyes and ran my fingers over the letter, touching my name. I could feel a sob building up in my chest. Instead of fighting with it, I let it wash over me. Tears streamed down my face and I ripped the letter open. God, I didn't want to hurt anymore. I clutched the letter to my chest, crumpling it in my fist. I couldn't decide if I should read it or not. I just wanted all this shit to go away. I was beginning to wonder if getting my memory back was a good thing or a bad thing?

In order for me to move past everything I think I needed to read the letter. I took a deep breath, flopped back on the bed and smoothed out the paper that was in my fist.

_My beautiful Bella, _

Oh great, I couldn't even make it past the first line without bursting into tears. It took me a few moments before I allowed my eyes to go back to the letter.

_This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. _

Oh fuck, how cliché. I wanted to shout in his face then why the hell are you doing this to me, to us. What was I talking about? We hadn't been an us for two years.

_As much as I want you, I have to let you go. _

Of course you do. I swiped some tears away and continued.

_I'm a monster, a vampire. I cannot love because I have no heart. Although I do not agree with or condone Charlie's actions, he was only looking out for your best interest. You deserve a full normal life filled with family and children. I cannot give these things to you. I feel you would come to resent me if I took these things away from you. _

Fuck it, I'm not reading the rest of this shit. I crumpled up the letter as sadness washed through me. How could Edward believe that shit. He wasn't a monster and I know he was capable of love. I had felt it. He may not have ever said the words out loud to me, but everything he did reflected his feelings for me.

When we were together I had been so unsure of his feelings, never really understanding why he was with me. Now as I let those memories come back, I understood. It was the small things from the way he looked at me to the way he touched me, just the way he was with me. I think he had been just as afraid as I was to confront all our feelings. I was scared to say what I felt. I was fearful he would reject me. I should have told him. I guess I didn't think our time together would end so abruptly.

Pain bubbled up in my chest again and I let the tears assault me. Fucking Charlie had won. I knew I could go to Carlisle, Jazzy or Emmett and beg them to find Edward, but deep down I knew it wouldn't do any good. Edward had made up his mind. He was convinced he was a monster and that he was not worthy of love. I wished I could shake him and tell him that wasn't true. It didn't matter to me if he was a vampire, to me he would always be just Edward.

"Oh god," I sobbed. "I miss him."

I curled up in a tight ball, letting everything go. I don't know how long I cried before I finally fell asleep.

It was dark again when I woke up. My whole body ached. I glanced around the hotel room, feeling like the walls were closing in on me. I needed some air. I felt like I was suffocating. I jumped off the bed and flung open the door, running right into Jasper.

"Oof," I said as I stumbled back into the door. Jasper grabbed my arm before I hit the ground.

"Sorry about that," Jasper said.

I lowered my head, hiding my eyes from him. "It's okay."

"Bella? I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"That's a pretty stupid question Jasper."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I know. I just don't know what else to say to you. I want to make you feel better."

I shook my head. "You don't have to say anything. Besides, time passing is the only thing that will make me feel better."

He reached for my hand and noticed the crumpled piece of paper I still had clutched in my fist.

"I'm assuming that's from my dumb ass brother."

I nodded.

"I wish I could tell you everything will be fine," he said. He placed his fingers under my chin, lifting my face to meet his eyes. "You will get through this."

"Fuck," I muttered as the tears started again. Jasper held out his arms, letting me fall into him. He stood statue still for several minutes las I sobbed into his chest.

"Bella, Alice is back at the house with Carlisle and Esme. Would you consider coming there. I will understand if you would like to stay here."

I let out a long breath of air. I didn't know if I could handle going back.

"Just try and if it's too much, you can leave. I just wanted Alice to meet Carlisle and Esme and the house is so much more comfortable than this rat hole."

I stepped away from Jasper. "Okay," I squeaked. I sounded like a sad little mouse. "If you are going to continue with Alice, I have to get used to being around you and your family again. She;s my best friend."

Jasper helped me pack up our stuff. He carried all the bags out to the car and went to settle the bill. I leaned up against the car and stared into the woods. I didn't know if I could do this. I suppose I could just stay out in the car while Alice hung out with her boyfriend's parents. Besides I was still pretty pissed off at Carlisle for going along with my asshole father. I was pretty sure Esme had known what was going on too.

Jasper was back before I knew it. He opened the car door and motioned for me to get in.

"Jazzy," I whimpered.

"I know Bella. I know."

My fucking heart ached as I slipped into the seat. I leaned back and turned my face away from him. I knew he could feel my pain, but he didn't have to see me cry anymore. I leaned against the window and watched as the scenery rolled by us. All to soon, we pulled into the Cullen driveway. Jasper turned the car off. My entire body was one giant knot. I wasn't ready to get out yet. Maybe I would never be ready to step out of this car.

"I'll just bring our stuff into the house. You come in when you're ready," he said nervously.

I grunted.

I watched Jasper collect our bags and disappear into the house. I had been in that house many times, whether I was invited or sneaking in to see Edward. This time when I walked in,it would not be as Edward's human girlfriend. I would just be Bella. I got out of the car and made it as far as the steps before I felt like I was sinking into a big pit of mud. I couldn't go any farther. I sat down, laying my head against my knees. I needed to get past all this shit. I needed to move forward.

The rain started to fall and I still didn't move. A few moments later I heard the front door open.

"Bella," Alice said quietly. "You're getting wet."

"I can't make myself move."

"I'll help you," she said reaching for my hand.

She pulled me to my feet. I hesitated, but she dragged me up to the door. Alice was a tough cookie when she wanted to be. She opened the front door and pushed me in. I was immediately assaulted with memories of Edward. I tried to shove her away and get out the door again, but suddenly I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. I looked up at Esme. She opened her arms to me, but I quickly lowered my head and stepped back into Alice.

"I can't do this," I hissed in Alice's ear.

"Bella," Esme said softly.

I shook my head and hid behind my hair. I couldn't face her.

Alice tugged on my arm. "Let's go sit down."

I let myself be dragged into the living room which was a giant mistake because when I looked up I could see a part of the grand piano in the other room. I gasped and stumbled back again. "I can't do this," I stuttered again, trying to wrench my arm free of Alice. She held fast.

"Bella, I know this is hard, but..." She gave me a terse look. "You have to deal with this."

"I..." I snorted and locked my jaw, looking away from her, willing the tears not to come.

I sank down into the couch, folding my arms across my chest. This was going to be a long stupid night. Maybe I could just tell everyone I was tired and they'd let me go to sleep.

Several uncomfortable hours later, a forced feeding of fast food and they finally let me disappear into a guest room. Alice came with me and offered to lay down until I fell asleep but I shook her off and told her to go be with Jasper. She couldn't get out of the room fast enough. I'm sure everyone was tired of being around the brooding ex-girlfriend.

I turned out the lights and burrowed under the blankets. I silently made a deal with myself that this was going to be the last night I let myself hurt. When daylight broke I was going to let Edward go, no matter how hard it was or how much it pained me.

I don't know how long I stared at the ceiling but when I no longer heard any obvious movement in the house, I slipped out of bed and headed down the hall.

This was probably one of the stupidest things I had done in a long time. I'm sure all the fucking vampires in the house knew what I was doing, but for the moment, I was past caring. I pushed his bedroom door open.

My breathing came in erratic pants. The room was exactly as I remembered it. I felt like I was stepping back in time. The only thing different was that Edward was not here. God damn him, he should be here.

I quietly stepped in the room, clicking the door closed behind me, trapping me and my memories in this small space.

My eyes swept across the room. It was only illuminated by faint streams of moonlight coming in through the window. Most of his books were still here along with his music collection. I wondered why he hadn't bothered to move any of these things to Portland. I trailed my fingers across the spines of the books, stopping only to glance at a few of the titles.

I pushed play on his cd player. The sounds of Debussy filled his room. Someone may as well stab me in the eye. It was like nothing had changed in this room. I sat down on his bed, letting the music infiltrate my head. I couldn't help the small giggle that escaped my lips when I remembered how embarrassed he had been when this music came on. He was really surprised when I told him I liked Debussy. I don't think he thought I would be a fan of classical music. I used to like all sorts of music.

I was tired. I know I should have left his room, but I wasn't quite ready to give him up yet. I got up and rummaged through his dresser, picking out a t-shirt I remember him wearing. I slipped out of my clothes and pulled the t-shirt on. I climbed into his bed, quietly laughing because I bet no one had slept in it since I had been with him. The thought took my breath away. I nuzzled my face in the pillow hoping to catch his scent but all I smelled was clean sheets.

**Edward**

She was in my family home. What the hell was Jasper thinking when he brought her back here. I could see the pain etched in her face and it made my chest feel more hollow than it already was, if that was possible.

I was actually having a hard time understanding her reaction. I watched from the forest as Jasper removed the suitcases and headed into the house. She chose to stay in the car and cry. I wanted to rush over to her and sweep her into my arms, holding her until all the pain disappeared.

Had I put that pain there?

I know she read the letter. She had to understand why we couldn't be together. It just wasn't possible or sensible. It wasn't right.

Repeat after me Bella. Edward is a monster, a vampire. You are a perfect, beautiful human who deserves everything I can't give you.

Bella finally got out of the car, but she still couldn't make herself go into the house. Finally, the little pixie came out, forcing Bella to get out of the rain. They didn't do much. Bella barely spoke. Alice coaxed her into eating some take-out food, but shortly after they finished dinner Bella excused herself and went up to the guest room. God, I felt like a fucking stalker again, only this time I was creeping around my family home.

Carlisle and Esme took off to find something to eat and Jasper and his human went to his room, I did something selfish and stupid. I entered the house and crept upstairs to where Bella was staying. Only she wasn't in the guest room. I heard the music come on and I knew she was in my room. Why the hell would she want to be in there? Maybe she was trashing the place. I sat outside the door until I heard nothing except quiet breathing coming from her.

I was startled when I saw her curled up in my bed wearing one of my t-shirts. The need to touch her was overwhelming. I sat on the floor, watching her. She whimpered several times, muttering incoherent words until she plainly said my name. It physically made my head spin. I stumbled out of the bedroom unsure why she would be dreaming about me.

I didn't notice Jasper until I ran into him.

"So, Sugar Pop, I thought you were leaving?"

I shrugged my shoulders, pushing past Jasper to go downstairs. I should have known he would follow me.

"Edward, what the fuck," Jasper growled.

I turned on him, shoving him against the wall which was really fucking insane. I thought he was going to rip my head off, instead he sighed and gently pushed me away from him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I don't know what to do? Bella seems so sad."

"For such a smart guy, you're pretty fucking stupid!"

"Can I ask you something?"

Jasper gave me a confused look. "Of course."

I ran my fingers through my hair searching my brain for the right words. "Do you truly believe you are capable of love?"

Jasper snorted. "Hell yeah! I didn't at first...and maybe I should blame you for that...listening to your fucking dumb ass theories about us having no souls and shit... but when I look in Alice's eyes...I can actually see how she sees me...and to her, I'm everything. It doesn't matter that I'm a vampire. To her, I'm just Jasper and that's all I need to believe that I'm worthy of her love. I'm not perfect, but when I'm with her, I'm as close to perfect as I'll ever be."

"Would you turn her if she asked?"

"She's already talked a little about that and to be honest, yes, Edward I would. You may think it's selfish, but it's her choice. I would never do it unless Alice gave me the green light."

"But..."

"Edward you fucking overanalyze everything. All Bella wanted was to love you. She never cared what you were. She loved you...flaws and all and you're a total dumb fuck to give that up."

Jasper laid a hand on my shoulder, shook his head and went back upstairs.

I was actually stunned by his comments. It went against everything I believed. My head was filled with so much shit that I needed to get the fuck out of here before I did something crazy. Before I could stop myself, I was back in my room hovering over a sleeping Bella. I ran my hand over her cheek and then I took the coward's way out and ran away.

**Bella**

I woke with a start. Holy fuck, I swear something cold had brushed across my cheek. I sat up, still a little disoriented. It took me a few seconds before I realized that I was sleeping in Edward's room and wearing his shirt. God, I was pathetic.

I groaned and rolled out of bed. The promise I made to myself banged around in my head. I looked at the clock, gasping when the time registered. It was only 4:14am, I guess I had a few more hours before daybreak to wallow in my sorrow. Maybe a bath would help. Edward's bathroom had a great claw foot tub. A soak and some self pity to celebrate letting Edward go. I wonder what it's going to be like not having the strange disjointed dreams. It was a little unsettling to actually think I might be able to have a normal life. The only problem I had with that was I really would have preferred a life with Edward, but Charlie and now Edward himself, had made sure that was not going to happen.

I turned the water on, found some bubble bath and watched the tub fill up. I disrobed and slid into the steamy water. For a few moments, I considered letting some memories wash over me, but I decided against it. I didn't want to remember anymore. It hurt too fucking much.

I dunked my head under water and when I came up all the air left my lungs. He was standing in the corner of the bathroom, leaning up against the wall. He looked stiff and very uncomfortable.

I narrowed my eyes at him. Maybe it was an illusion. I'd finally gone over the edge and lost my mind.

"Get the fuck out of here," I snapped making sure all the bubbles were strategically placed.

He said nothing, but his green eyes were drilling into me.

"Okay, Edward, you're creeping me out. You need to leave," I shouted.

He closed his eyes and blew out a small breath of air. This was so confusing. Why the hell was he here? I wanted to scream and if he didn't leave soon that was just what I was going to do.

"For fucks sake, get the hell out..." Edward's quiet voice interrupted my rant.

"Bella, I love you."

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**ARgh! Drizl runs away ducking all sorts of sharp objects flying her way...I'm sorry I ended this chapter rather abruptly, but it was either that or make it way long...I'll let you in on a little secret though...the next chapter is almost complete and maybe with a little pleading and begging from you guys, I'll get it up early. Get it up early..hehehe...Jasper where are you baby? Oh god, I'm really close to the loony bin! Oh, and thanks for all the reviews, comments, queries, favorites, alerts etc...I'm outta here...Drizl PS hello fanfic...my counter is not working again...plz fix it! I hate when it looks like no has been reading my stories...it's hard on the old ego...(sticks tongue out) **


	21. Epiphany

**I know I didn't get this up early but I wasn't completed satisfied with the product...I still haven't decided if I'm happy with how this chapter worked out. I will warn you that this chapter contains a giant tub of lemonade so consider yourself warned..AND if lemons are your thing...well, I hope I did right by you pervs! :) **

* * *

**Epiphany**

**Chapter 21**

**Bella**

**_"For fucks sake, get the hell out..." Edward's quiet voice interrupted my rant._  
**

"_Bella, I love you." _

The words were so softly spoken I barely heard them. He opened his blazing eyes and stared directly at me. I felt like I was melting, but did he mean it?

"Oh..." It was all I could get to come out of my mouth before he took two long strides across the bathroom, leaned over the tub, cupped the back of my head and touched his lips to mine. At first I was stunned, but then he pressed his mouth harder against mine and I lost myself in his kiss.

I could feel his fingers threading through my hair, pulling me closer to him. I had to open my eyes to make sure he was real. He kept his eyes closed as he slightly pulled away from me, resting his forehead against mine, his fingers still tangled in my wet hair. It was like he was trying to catch his breath or decide his next move.

I braced myself, holding my breath because I was almost positive he was going to turn on me and run away again.

"Bella," he breathed out. "I'm..."

I put my finger up to his lips. The uncertainty in his eyes and voice scared the crap out of me. I didn't want to hear anymore words. Plus I was a little scared he would take them back and I had waited so long to hear them. Now it was my turn to say my peace. Whatever happened after that, I could live with it. Well, that's what I was chanting in my head. I had to make myself believe that I would be okay if he walked away from me.

His eyes were still closed and I let my finger rest on his lips.

I took a deep breath. "If this is all I get...I don't care...it's enough. Believe it or not, I love you Edward. I think I loved you the moment we met and no matter what happens," I stopped and sighed. "I will always love you, but I will respect your choice."

And with my final revelation, his eyes snapped open and he looked right into my soul. He brushed my hand away and crashed his lips down on mine, opening his mouth so our tongues touched. My arms came out of the water, grabbing his neck. Water was slopping everywhere, but we didn't break our kiss. It had been too long. My fucking body was on fire.

Edward climbed into the tub fully clothed, kneeling between my legs. My head fell back as his lips traveled down my jaw to my throat. Memories of his teeth sinking into my soft flesh flared through my body. I felt his teeth slide across the pulse point in my neck, sending electrical pulses down to my groin. I thrust my hips up against him trying to wrap my legs around his waist. He moaned and nipped at my collarbone, before his lips were on mine again.

"Oh God," I groaned into his mouth. He opened his mouth allowing me to dip my tongue in for a taste. It was almost sinful. I needed some friction or I was going to explode. I thrust my hips up against his wet jeans again, but I wanted skin, not wet clothing. My fingers raced to undo the buttons on his shirt. He lost patience and ripped the fucker off. I moaned and grabbed the hem of his t-shirt, lifting it over his head, tossing the offending wet clothing out of the tub.

I was panting and squirming beneath him. Water was hitting the sides of the tub, falling over the edge onto the floor. If we kept this up the bath water would be all over the floor. I ran my hands down his back until I came to his jeans. He was already trying to get the button open. I pushed the jeans over his hips, taking his boxers down with them. He sat up on his knees and then stood to rid himself of his pants. His cock stood out in front of me and I couldn't resist it. I sat up, grasping the base, pumping him a couple of times, before I took a small taste of the glistening tip.

Edward's knees almost buckled when I licked the underside of his dick. I giggled and he hissed as he gently placed his hands on the sides of my head.

"Fuck my mouth, baby," I said. I was going to give him a taste of dirty Bella. If this was the last time I was going to have him, by god, I was going to have fun doing it.

The minute the words fell out of my lips, Edward's head lolled to the side and he moaned out my name. He gripped my head tighter and starting moving his hips. I opened my eyes, staring up at him. God he was fucking glorious standing before me with water dripping down his muscled, lean body. I growled around his dick and he thrust hard into my mouth.

"Fuck," he hissed loudly. "Bella...gonna cum."

He tried to pull me off his dick, but I wasn't going to waste any of his sweet nectar. He tried one more time, so I dug my fingers into his hips and sucked hard. His orgasm came before he could wrench me off him,his cum shooting against the back of my throat. I almost gagged, but managed to swallow all he offered. I watched his ab muscles ripple as he rode out his orgasm. It was an amazing sight to watch him come undone.

A small smile ghosted across his face as he dropped back to his knees, reaching for my shoulders so he could pull me against his body. I shivered a little because the water was dangerously low and it was getting chilly. Edward reached back for the faucet, turning it on.

He moved around so he was now lying against the back of the tub and I was situated between his legs. I laid my head back against his chest and sighed as I felt his hand snake around my hip. His fingers danced across my overheated center. I couldn't take the teasing so I growled, grabbing for Edwards hand. He chuckled and kissed my ear. I was about to start whining when I felt his cool touch again.

I shut off the water with my foot before it could overflow. There was already enough water all over the bathroom floor and it was going to be a pain in the ass to clean up. I can't believe I was worried about water on the floor. I forgot all about it when I felt Edward's fingers spread apart my folds and stroke my overheated pussy.

"Oh fuck," I moaned, squirming from his touch, causing more water to fall out on the floor.

Edward pushed one finger into my hot core. I needed more. He obliged by sliding another finger into me and then rubbing small circles over my clit with his thumb. He was also nipping at my ear, licking around the outer edge.

Ohmygod...my brain was shutting down. I was going to let my body take over. I started circling my hips, pushing up at his long fingers as he pumped them in and out of me. I was getting close to a much needed release. Edward moved his other hand to my breast, teasing my nipple with small squeezes.

I quit breathing. I wanted to prolong this feeling forever, but my body couldn't take it anymore. My heart was beating against my rib cage when I finally had to let everything go.

"Holy shit," I squealed as I saw stars dance in front of my eyes. My orgasm hit me hard and my entire body shuddered. I swear all my bones melted and if Edward wouldn't have been in back of me, I probably would have sank into the water never to be heard from again.

I let out a long sigh as he withdrew his fingers from me.

"We should get out of the tub," he whispered.

I grunted. It seemed the ability to talk had also abandoned me. I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to stand. I felt Edward give me a small push and I was, by some small miracle, able to get up and crawl out of the tub. I grabbed a towel, suddenly self conscious of my naked body. I was scared to look at him, fearful that when I looked back he would be gone again. I told myself that if he had disappeared, this had been enough. I was so lying but it was the only way I could keep moving forward.

Edward came up behind me, sweeping me off my feet. So much for the towel. I watched as it fluttered to the wet floor. Edward said nothing as he carried me out of the bathroom. We made it two steps into his room before he slammed his lips against mine. I slid out of his arms and he shoved me up against the wall, trapping my body. His fingers fluttered up my arms raising them so they were over my head. He wrapped his fingers around my wrists, pinning my arms to the wall.

"Oh fuck," I moaned.

I could feel that he was hard again and I was frothing at the mouth to have him inside me. I lifted my leg, hooking it around his thigh. His knees bent and his hard cock brushed over my once again, overheated center. He held my wrists in one hand, moving the other one down to his cock. I squeaked when I felt him position the tip at my entrance.

"Holy shit," he muttered and pushed into me. My back hit the wall when he started thrusting into me. I couldn't do anything but pant in time with his motion.

Dirty Bella wanted back in the game. "So good, baby...harder...fuck me...ohgod..."

I gasped when his thrusts became harder almost frantic. I wiggled a little, desperately wanting him to let go of my wrists so I could touch him or pull his messy hair. My movement only made him hold me tighter. I couldn't take my eyes off him. His eyes were closed tightly and it almost looked like a sheen of sweat was forming on his beautiful skin. I knew it was just the moonlight shining in through the window. His red lips were parted and he was almost panting. He kept shoving his nose into my hair, taking in huge unnecessary gulps of air.

"So close Bella," he mumbled. He let go of my wrists, grabbing my ass and lifting me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. I grabbed a handful of his hair and yelled.

"Fuck Edward!"

The change in position made him hit my sweet spot and helped create more friction for me. I growled into his shoulder, letting my teeth scrape against his skin. He moaned loudly. I watched in utter amazement when his head fell back and I felt his cock pulse inside me. I screamed, letting my head drop onto his shoulder when another orgasm ripped through me.

"Oh my fuck," I shrieked.

Edward carried me over to the bed and collapsed. I wonder if a vampire could wear out.

He laid down next to me and I curled into his body. He quietly sighed and kissed my temple.

"Bella..."

I raised myself up on my elbow so I could look into his eyes. To say I was nervous would be an understatement. I had no idea what to expect from him. In truth I was preparing myself for the inevitable speech, followed by a string of crappy apologies and then his fast disappearance.

"I don't know what to say," he confessed lowering his eyes away from my stare.

"You don't have to stay anything," I said firmly.

"I couldn't stay away from you. I'm putting my whole family in danger and you, you shouldn't be with me."

I growled and sat up. I was so tired of this shit. "Fuck that Edward. You don't get to make my decisions and Charlie can fuck off too."

"But..." Edward stumbled for words.

"No buts anymore. I spent two fucking years lost in a haze of weird dreams and half truths...no more! I choose you, but it's your choice if you want to be with me. It's not Charlie's, it's not Carlisle's... it's yours Edward and whatever your choice is, I will be okay."

He was silent. I wanted to scream at him, beg him to please pick me, but I knew he was fighting with his conscience. That whole stupid soul issue. I remembered having several discussions about his belief that he did not possess one. I thought it was ridiculous because anyone as beautiful as Edward had to have a soul.

**Edward**

She was still just watching me. There was no anger hidden in her chocolate eyes. I think she was trying to alleviate my fears. The stupid fears of being inadequate for her; of not being able to give her the life she deserved. I had spent the past two years pissed off at everything and everybody. To say I was confused would be the understatement of the century. I still was incredibly close to checking myself into the vampire nut house.

She was everything I wanted and everything I ever needed, but to take her...to end her human life...I didn't know if I could do it, but I didn't think I could leave her again. And Jasper's haunting words kept ringing through my head.

I had asked him if he believed if he was capable of love and he didn't miss a beat when he yelled out hell yeah.

He was totally honest with me, telling me he didn't really believe in love until he met Alice. He saw himself through her eyes and to her, he was everything. I think I saw the same thing in Bella's eyes, even after two years apart. In Bella's eyes I wasn't a vampire; to her I was just Edward. This is how Alice saw Jasper and it made him believe he was worthy of her love. With Alice he was as close to perfect as he would ever get and that was enough for him.

The next logical question was about turning Alice. They had already discussed the possibility and he was willing to do what she asked of him.

I tried to argue with him, but he shut me down, telling me I over-analyze everything.

"_All Bella wanted was to love you. She never cared what you were. She loved you...flaws and all and you're a total dumb fuck to give that up." _

Was Jasper right?

I felt Bella place her hand over mine, lifting it to cradle it against her cheek.

She sighed into my palm. "I'm tired, Edward," she mumbled, sinking down into the bed. "I'm scared to close my eyes but I can't fight it anymore."

I pressed my lips to her forehead breathing in her scent again.

Several minutes later she was sleeping, clutching the blanket tightly to her chest. I slid out of the bed and pulled on a pair of jeans. I glanced in the bathroom, cringing at the wet mess. It could wait. I needed to think. I opened my bedroom door, quietly slipping downstairs.

It felt like there was a weight sitting on my chest. Why did everything have to be so fucking difficult? I was a vampire. I should know my place in the world, but somehow the lines had blurred when I fell in love with a human girl. It had been so much easier before Bella. The sex with all the nameless women had been satisfying enough and it came with a lot less complications. But I had been empty; a shell of a man. It all changed the day Bella showed up in Forks. The moment she stepped into my life, I actually felt alive.

I sighed and sat down at my piano, lightly running my fingers across the keys.

"Edward."

"Hello Carlisle, come in," I said without looking up at him.

Carlisle leaned against the piano, running his hands over the beautiful black finish. "I need to apologize."

I shook my head. "You were only doing what you thought was right."

"I should have told you, but instead I let a human threaten me! I went along with a plan I knew could have killed Bella and destroyed you." Carlisle snorted in disgust.

I let my hands fall down on the keys. "What's done cannot be undone."

"I think you're wrong Edward. Bella is upstairs in your bed and from what I've seen, she is showing no signs of wanting to leave."

"For now," I muttered.

"Edward, most people would give anything for a second chance. This is yours. Do not make the mistake of letting her go this time," Carlisle said forcefully.

"But..."

"Edward, for once, quit second guessing yourself. Talk to her," Carlisle sighed and placed his hand over the spot where my dead heart sat. "What is your heart telling you."

I huffed. He sounded just like Jasper. "I have no heart."

A small noise at the door made both Carlisle and I turn to the darkened doorway.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude," Bella said softly.

She stepped out of the shadow into a streak of moonlight. It lit up the beautiful contours of her face. I swear the weight in my chest lightened a little when she looked at me.

"Edward," Carlisle said in a low whisper. "Look at your face. I can see how much you love her."

His words startled me. I caught sight of my face in the mirror on the far wall. Somehow I didn't look like the monster I knew that lived inside me.

"Excuse me, Esme is still hunting and I believe she may need my help," Carlisle chuckled.

Bella nodded at Carlisle and then walked over to the piano, staring at me. "You were gone."

"I thought you would sleep longer and I wasn't that far away," I said. "I needed a little time to think."

"Oh, I just..."

"You thought I left," I said.

"Yes, I still keep expecting you to disappear."

I didn't know if she wanted me to confirm her misgivings. I expected myself to disappear. For now, I decided to ignore the questions and just play the piano. She hesitated for a moment, but then took her place on the bench next to me.

Her body brushed against mine and she stiffened, moving away so there was space between us. It was a little odd considering what we had been doing earlier, but I couldn't blame her. She had to be as confused as me. A short while ago I had told her I loved her, yet she was still convinced I was going to leave her. Hell, I was convinced I was going to leave her.

I used the music to draw her closer to me. As I played, her body relaxed and eventually she was leaning against me, swaying to the music. Emotions were running rampant through my body. I allowed myself to remember what it had felt like the first few times she had come to me while I played.

I was lost in thought and in the music when she suddenly stopped me by placing her hands on top of mine. She sighed and crawled across my legs, straddling my lap. Oh god, I wanted her.

She lightly stroked my face with the back of her fingers. Her eyes searched for mine and locked onto my gaze. Jasper's words echoed in my head again. _"Look at yourself through her eyes." _

She moved in, brushing her lips over mine.

"Is this okay," she whispered. Her warm breath swept across my face.

I didn't answer her with words, instead I captured her mouth, claiming it as my own. She whimpered when she ran her tongue over my teeth. Venom started to fill my mouth as the vampire in me smelled her blood and started to take over my mind. He wanted her. He wanted _all_ of her.

"No," I shouted and shoved her off my lap. Her body slammed against the piano keys making a horrible sound. She gasped and fought the tears that were forming in her eyes as she struggled to find her balance.

"I'm sorry, but you need to see the real me," I said flashing my teeth at her.

Instead of turning away and running like any normal person would do, Bella shocked the hell out of me.

"Oh fucking get over yourself Edward," she growled. "You don't scare me and I'm sick of this act. I am not going to be the one to run away. I'm not letting you off the fucking hook and giving you an easy out. If you choose to walk away that's fine, but you are not going to chase me away. If you leave, you have to look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me. It's going to be all on you."

She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the piano.

I was stunned. What the hell was wrong with this girl? After all we'd been through and the two years separation how could she still want to be with me...and then my brain kicked in to overdrive.

My brow furrowed and I stared at her. Her stance relaxed as she dropped her hands down to her sides, giving me a tiny smile. I swear to everything that is holy my heart started beating again.

"Do you finally get it Edward," she asked quietly.

"You love...me..." I stammered still not sure if I should believe the epiphany that was raining down on me.

"Yes, you fucking idiot...I love you!"

"Oh God," I yelled and closed the distance between us. I wrapped my arms around her, taking in her scent and letting myself feel her love for me. Our lips met and I swear this time I was standing at the fucking gates of heaven. She was my saving grace. I could love her. I did love her and nothing was going to keep her from me ever again.

I set her down on the piano bench, kneeling between her legs. I nudged her thighs open and nuzzled my nose into her pussy. She squeaked and ran her fingers through my hair, pulling my face back to her center. I licked her thigh and she fell forward, letting her head rest against the piano keys. I moved her shorts aside, letting my tongue snake out, sneaking a taste of her wetness.

"Lose the shorts, Bella," I commanded.

She sucked a breath in and raised her ass off the piano bench. I yanked her shorts off, lifting her legs, placing them on my shoulders. She gasped and gripped the back edge of the piano bench, swearing as I shoved my face between her legs. I parted her wet folds with my fingers, driving my tongue into her.

"Holy fuck," she yelled, her hips lifting off the banch. "You could...ugh...warn a girl."

"Did you want me to stop?" I teased her.

She let out a strangled growl.

I smirked and continued laving her clit with my tongue.

"Dick," she panted.

I decided to up the ante by sliding a finger into her. She dropped her head forward; her brown hair falling like a curtain around her face. She groaned when I added another finger, continuing to lick and suck on her clit until I could feel her body stiffen. I curled my fingers in her, sucked hard on her bundle of nerves and was rewarded when she cried out. I felt her body close around my fingers.

"Edward," she said with a throaty groan. "Change me."

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**Gah, I hope the lemons were okay and I hope you felt Edward's indecision and then his epiphany. As you can tell this story is coming to a close and I have to tell you all it's been quite an adventure. Thank you all for sticking with me. My guess is there will be two more chapters to tie up all the loose ends and see if Edward will change Bella. Until next week, I'm out of here...Drizl **


	22. The End or the Beginning

**Hello fich00rs and ficDudes (I really don't know if I have any male readers but just in case) we are nearing the end of this story...and ya know I'm still not Steph Meyer cuz she doesn't let Edward have any fun. You all know the drill so pull up a chair and pour yourself a glass of lemonade...let's read! **

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**The End or the Beginning**

**Chapter 22**

"_Edward," she said with a throaty groan. "Change me."_

She clawed at my back, holding tightly, whispering in my ear again. "Edward, please do it. Don't make me beg."

I was so torn I had no clue what I should do. It would be so easy to bite her, drain the life out of her and fill her with my venom, but I had never changed anyone. The selfish monster in me wanted to sink my teeth into her and drink that precious blood, but the thought that I could screw up and end her life forever, stopped me in my tracks.

"I can't Bella." I sat back on my knees, looking up at her, hoping she could see the pain in my eyes.

She huffed and moved away from me, quickly grabbing her shorts. "You mean you can't or you won't?"

"I-I can't take the chance. I could kill you," I groaned. "I just found you again."

She sighed. I thought this would be the end of our conversation but with Bella I was usually wrong.

She pushed against my chest, pulled her shorts back on and started to pace around the room. I stood up, sitting down on the bench she had occupied and watched her. I had no idea what she was doing. Maybe she was getting ready to leave me, but she had told me it would be my choice, that I would have to look her in the eye and tell her that I did not love her.

She sighed again and leaned up against the wall, closing her eyes. Her brow was furrowed and her lips were pulled tightly closed.

"Edward, I don't know if this is possible, but I would like to try something." Her voice was tense, but determined.

"Uh, okay," I said not knowing exactly what I was agreeing to try.

"Can we go back up to your room," she asked. She still hadn't opened her eyes and now I noticed her hands were balled up into fists. She was not messing around.

"Certainly," I said calmly even though my thoughts were going a mile a minute trying to figure out what this girl had in her head.

She let out a long breath of air, muttering to herself. She seemed to be giving herself a pep talk. I shook my head and watched as she walked out of the room and headed upstairs. What in the world was this girl planning?

She sat down on my bed, patting the space next to her.

"I need to you to sit by me," she said softly.

"Okay," I stammered, hesitating a bit.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you Edward."

I snorted. Of course she couldn't physically hurt me, but she knew which buttons to push to bring me to my knees. I sat down and she turned to face me. She cupped my face, forcing a smile from her lips. She was so beautiful it almost pained me to look directly at her. I could almost see Bella as a vampire, my mate and it scared the shit out of me and turned me on at the same time. I could feel my arousal growing as she shifted closer to me. This was not the best time to grab her and have my way with her again. I steadied myself, allowing a small smile to slip from my lips.

"Okay, I don't know if this is going to work, but let's give it a go," she said.

"Uh, Bella, what is it you are trying to do," I asked.

"I want you to see and feel how much I trust you; how much I love you. It doesn't seem that you really believe I am capable of loving you."

I gaped at her. "Bella, I know you are capable of love. What I question is why I should be the recipient of your love."

"Fuck Edward, sometimes you can be a pompous asshole. You make it sound like I'm not good enough for you," she chuckled.

"But, I just..."

"Shut the fuck up Edward."

She reached down, grabbing my hands, moving them up to her face. She kissed each palm and placed them on either side of her cheeks, grinning at me.

"I seriously don't know if this is going to work, but let's give it a try. You let me know if you feel anything. Okay?" She smiled and rubbed her nose against mine.

"I think I can do that." I was still completely in the dark. I had absolutely no idea what I should be looking for or what I type of sensation I might feel.

She took a huge breath, snapped her eyes closed and put a lot of effort into whatever it was she was doing. She seemed to be thinking really hard.

"Anything," she panted, opening one eye to me.

"Um, no...I'm not sure...OH...holy fucking shit," I yelled almost falling off the bed.

She dropped her hands and jumped back from me. "Edward, are you okay?"

"What the fuck was that? I could see and hear and feel...Holy shit!"

"I'm sorry! I just thought..."

I grabbed her hands again, pulling her tightly against my body. "Do it again baby," I shouted.

"O-Okay," she stammered, closing her eyes again.

Flashes of her thoughts and feelings filled my head and body. It was so fucking overwhelming I almost fell off the bed again. She was throwing all her memories and feelings at me trying to get me to understand how she felt for me.

She, every bit of Bella, permeated every cell in my body. I'm not even sure if vampires have cells, but she filled me up. Things were flickering in and out of my so quickly I could barely focus. How nervous she was on our first date. Not because I was a vampire but because she liked me so much. She didn't want to make a fool of herself or say something to scare me off. When she attacked me in the car, she was scared I was going to rebuff her advances. Her tender words came back with a vengeance._ "Edward, you won't hurt me, just let me lead."_ She was leading me again and I was going to willingly follow her.

I needed more. I wanted more and she gave it to me. Even after the block had been placed in her mind, she remembered bits of me.

The two years she spent away from me had been lonely and frustrating for her. My jealousy flared when she thought of the boys she tried to date, but their advances were unwanted. There was no feeling, no spark and she couldn't explain it to anyone. She felt there was something wrong with her when she scoffed at their touches and kisses.

The dreams that tormented her nights focused on green eyes and a love so pure and strong it penetrated the block, tugging at her heart. Slowly she started remembering more. The letter became the center of her dreams. It teased and taunted her mercilessly as she tried to sort out what was real and what was created by her mind. I was surprised she hadn't gone mad.

Maybe that was what Charlie and the Volturi had hoped for. I'm sure the Volturi knew that Bella had a very powerful mind. They would know the block wouldn't hold forever and yet, they still instilled it in her. They also hadn't known about Alice. She had been Bella's rock; the one who kept her grounded. The only thing Alice couldn't do was shield Bella from the pain she felt on a daily basis. It was genuine hurt and Bella did everything to try and understand why it was in her. Her brain refused to let go of the block and she suffered through more flashes of memories and feelings. It hurt me to see and feel them. I couldn't imagine how Bella could live with all those unanswered questions.

More of Bella's thoughts and dreams flowed into me.

Her dreams became more vivid and focused. The nights at the piano when she would sneak over to my house. The longing that was building in her to actually hear me say the words out loud. She had been just as frightened as I to reveal how she felt for me. She didn't think she was worthy of me. She loved when I played the piano for her because to her it felt like I was telling her how much I loved through the notes.

Just as I had been trying to show her through music, she was trying to show me through her soft caresses and the tears that silently fell from her brown eyes after I had completed the song. She gave herself to me completely and willingly and I only questioned why she was here.

One week later she was ripped from my life.

I watched as the interaction between Bella and Charlie became worse. She was defending her feelings for me, standing up to him and spitting her love for me in his face. He wanted her to see other people, but she had stood her ground saying there was no other for her. I was it. I was her forever. The words hit Charlie hard and he slapped her across the face. She showed no emotion except for the venomous words she spoke. "I will be his forever and there is nothing you can do about it."

The look on Charlie's face was pure hatred mixed with rage. It was hard for me to realize just how much he hated the idea of me, but I had bought into his theory. I was a monster, a vampire not worthy of anyone's love, especially not anyone as pure as Bella.

More of her memories assaulted me.

She fought to hold onto her sanity in the hospital, questioning Charlie and Carlisle about my whereabouts. They kept insisting I was gone. The letter explained it all they told her. She refused to believe them. I guess that was when they hatched the plan to rid her mind of me.

After the block was in place, Bella had disappeared into her head for days. Her next sentient memory came when she woke up back in Phoenix confused and alone. Alice showed up two days later. I started to wonder if it was Alice who led Bella back to Portland? I saw no signs of a yearning to come here until Alice planted the seed.

When they arrived in Portland, Bella began recalling more and more of her past.

The day she cut her finger and her blood spilled to the floor. She whispered the words la tua cantante. An odd sense of comfort had ripped through her when she spoke those unknown words. They had pulled her into an especially overheated memory. The memory alone was causing physical reactions in my body. I shifted uncomfortably, but didn't break my bond with Bella. I still needed more. I was a greedy bastard. I had every other connection with Bella except this one and I wasn't ready for her to shut me out again.

A wave of confusion she felt when she first saw me or rather sensed me near her, filled me. I was shocked to feel that the block in her mind had wavered whenever I was near her. I thought I had felt or seen flickers of recognition in her eyes. I had just written those moments off as wishful thinking on my part. It was then that I realized it was Bella who had been holding the block in place.

I questioned whether Alice knew about the fragility of the block. I wonder if she knew it was Bella who really controlled the block and that she had been holding it in place, protecting herself from me. Perhaps she was also protecting herself from the knowledge that it was her own father who had betrayed her and tried to kill her all because of who she had chosen to love. My body ached at that thought.

Everything was starting to make sense to me. Bella had been protecting herself from all the hurt that was going to crash down on her when the block collapsed. I remembered the kiss in the bathroom at that restaurant. It felt like she was letting go of her defenses and then I pushed her away and the block went up again. I could feel the hollowness in her chest, the pain that wrapped around her heart when I walked out of that bathroom, leaving her confused and broken again.

I started to wonder what changed her mind. Why had she let the block go? Why did she decide it was worth suffering the pain of remembering

I gasped...oh god..it was the meadow.

She had appeared so suddenly. At first I actually thought I was dreaming or had finally lost my mind. It startled me and all I could do was sit back and watch as she disappeared into a memory. I let the memory wash over me. It was the moment in the meadow when I said the Italian words Io l'amero per sempre. The block weakened when she thought about what those words meant. I was a little shocked too. I didn't really remember saying them. I had been so swept in the moment that I hadn't realized I actually told her that I loved her. My heart soared with the knowledge. That was the reason the block disintegrated. Bella knew I really did love her and that I was worth fighting for.

I sank back into her memory. After my confessions, she asked me, no really, she demanded that I take her and drink from her. She offered her blood to me, to sustain and nourish me. She believed she possessed me when I drank from her. I shuddered as I realized she possessed me all the time.

The past evening held the strongest memories. All her fears and revelations assaulted me. She was ready to give everything to me. Her body, her love and her life. It was more than I could ask from anyone. She was scared shitless but she was leaving it up to me. She offered me the choice and she would truly stand by whatever decision I made.

I broke the moment by removing my hands from her face. Bella gasped as our connection faded.

I slipped off the bed, down to the floor. To her she had no life without me and if that is how it was meant to be she was willing to risk everything...for me...a vampire. I was in shock as I finally could feel and see the depth and force of her love. It was amazing and frightening all at once. I was almost fearful I wouldn't be able to live up to her love.

"Do you see now? I can't be without you," she whispered.

"I don't understand how you can trust me so much?"

"Because I love you. It's as simple or as complex as that. Make of it what you want Edward but that is the plain truth. I love you."

In that moment I lost myself or I should say I gave myself over to her. I was hers to do with whatever she wanted. I was finished fighting with her, with my conscience and with every other person who didn't think we should be together. She really wanted me to be her forever and I was going to give it to her.

"Bella," I sighed crawling back up on the bed.

"You know, for someone who is supposed to be so smart, you really are a dumb ass."

I stroked her cheek and grinned when her eyes fluttered shut.

"Will you do this as you're making love to me," she asked.

"I will do this however you want," I said. "You own me."

She smirked and pulled me into the center of the bed. "Edward," she said as she pinned me to the bed, licking my throat. "Do you promise to love me forever."

"Yes!" I grabbed her and flipped her over so I was now hovering over her. "Bella do you promise...ugh..."

She cut me off by giving me a long languid lick up to my lips. She then dipped her tongue into my mouth. I guess that meant she was agreeing to my terms. I nuzzled my nose by her ear. Her body tensed.

"Wait," she yelled.

"What." A very small part of me hoped she was going to change her mind.

"Are you going to miss me as a human?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Why are asking me this now after I have agreed to your terms?"

"The only terms I had was that you promise to love me forever...oh..." She smiled shyly at me and laid back down, bringing me with her.

"No matter what you are, cold or warm, you will always be my Bella."

She squirmed under the weight of my body.

"Bella, there's still time to back out," I said as I kissed her collarbone.

"No, I'm ready," she replied. I searched her eyes for any signs of fear, but found nothing but love and trust.

I shook my head and kissed her mouth, nipping at her lip. A small amount of blood dripped from the tiny wound. I greedily lapped it up, reveling in the giddy feeling it gave me. I froze for a moment as I realized I would be saying goodbye to my singer tonight. No longer would I have to contend with the burning ache Bella's blood created in my throat, mind and body. I had often wondered if it would bother me, but I decided that giving up a few good meals for forever with the your one true love was worth it.

"Last chance, Bella," I murmured against her wrist.

"Quit stalling Edward." She reached down and gave my cock a quick squeeze. I gasped and ripped her shorts off, plunging into her so fast she screamed my name. I grabbed her wrist, sliding my tongue across the delicate skin before I plunged my fangs into her. Her back arched and she wrapped her legs around my waist, digging her heals into my ass.

I released my fangs, moving to the next wrist for another drink. She raised her arm and thrust it against my lips. I happily bit down drawing more of the delicious blood from her.

Bella let out a long low moan. I dropped her arm and moved up her to her breast, licking around her nipple which drew another moan from Bella. I knew the burning must have started but she wasn't backing away from me. Her hips were meeting mine with every thrust. My abs were starting to tighten. I was so close to my release that I could barely concentrate.

Bella sensed what was happening and moved her hair off her throat. I took one long look at my beautiful human girl and plunged my fangs into her neck. I came so fucking hard I could barely keep my teeth planted in her neck. The blood flowed out of her into my body and my cum and venom filled her body.

"I love you Edward," she shouted as she came undone.

I was barely coherent enough to realize she had came. My entire body was engulfed in flames as I took in her blood, draining my la tua cantante. This would be the last time I would taste her like this. My fucking dick was hard again. I hadn't even pulled out of her so I started moving again. She writhed beneath my body and I took it as unbridled passion when I felt all her muscles clench again. She let out a high piercing shriek and then she stilled beneath me.

I stopped all movement and released my hold on her throat. Fear and utter panic filled my body.

She still wasn't moving. I had expected screaming and crying. I had expected burning and some movement, but all got was a quiet stillness.

"Bella," I shouted, climbing off her. "Oh my god, Bella."

"Anyone! Carlisle, Jasper, Alice, Esme...Help please...Oh fuck Bella. Noooooo!"

What the hell had I done?

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**Oh hell, I left ya with another cliffie. My question for you guys is do ya want a happily ever after or a Romeo and Juliet ending? Muwahahahaha...Let me know peeps...push the little review button and give me suggestions. Again thanks for the reviews, pimpage, favoriting and all that other hoohaa. I genuinely appreciate it! Lurve you all...I'm outta here...Drizl **


	23. A New Life

**Well, you all demanded a happily ever after ending..damn you all, I wanted to kill someone...naw just kidding...I'm a sucker for a HEA ending...I know I'm a few days late posting but I hated the first draft I wrote. This story deserved better so I rewrote the chapter and I hope you like it...Plus it's a little longer than usual...Let's read...**

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**A New Life **

**Chapter 23**

**Edward**

_I was barely coherent enough to realize she had came. My entire body was engulfed in flames as I took in her blood, draining my la tua cantante. This would be the last time I would taste her like this. My fucking dick was hard again. I hadn't even pulled out of her so I started moving again. She writhed beneath my body and I took it as unbridled passion when I felt all her muscles clench again. She let out a high piercing shriek and then she stilled beneath me. _

_I stopped all movement and released my hold on her throat. _

_She still wasn't moving. Fear and utter panic filled my body. What had I done?_

"Bella," I screamed and shook her hard. There was no reaction from her. No screaming, no moving. I couldn't even tell if she was breathing. In reality I was too scared to check. I pulled out of her and grabbed for my pants. I ran in the bathroom, almost slipping on the fucking wet floor and grabbed a towel. I raced back to the bed, hoping Bella would give me some sort of reaction but she was still as stone. I wiped the fluid from between her legs and covered her with a sheet.

"I'm so sorry," I muttered against her cheek. I wanted to yell for someone to come help us, but I also wanted a few more minutes with her. If her death or the death of her human existence was going to take her away from me I was going to selfishly keep her with me for a few more moments.

I climbed into the bed, sliding under her and bringing her into my arms. Her skin was on fire and her body was totally limp, like a rag doll.

"I know you said you wanted this but now I'm wondering if you did it more for revenge and me, well, I went along with it because I love you and would do anything for you. I'm a fool Bella," I kissed the top of her head and leaned back against the head board.

"I can't believe this is happening. I don't know what to do. We should have talked to Carlisle first. We should have planned this out more...Oh god," I moaned. Was I seriously feeling sorry for myself while Bella was laying in my arms fighting for her life or her new life.

"Fuck."

I couldn't think about losing her or the pain she was in or anything else, so I shut it all down and concentrated all my efforts on just holding my Bella.

Because this could be the last time...

**Bella**

The darkness enveloped me, closing around me like a shroud. I couldn't feel or see anything, not even Edward's touch. I tried to scream but no sound came out of my mouth. I tried to move but my body no longer belonged to me. Was I ceasing to be me? Was I dying? Maybe I was already dead.

Hmmm, it really wasn't so bad.

Well, that was a surprising reaction if I really was dead. I wasn't scared or relieved. I didn't know what I was anymore. I don't think I went into this with a death wish...er...did I, but it was rather peaceful here and I didn't feel like I was crazy anymore. There was no one fighting with me about my life choices. God, that's what the past two years had been...Everyone was always yelling about the direction my life was taking. It was maddening. I still can't believe that Charlie would rather see me dead than as a vampire. My own father hated the idea so much that he risked ending my life and it wasn't even the vampire thing that was important to me. It was Edward. It had always been Edward.

Speaking of Edward, the fucking dumb ass, how could he question this love between us. What a dork to think he couldn't love or didn't deserve to love. His little epiphany had been so endearing. You really do love me. I mean what the fuck did he think? How could I not love him. I think I was born to love him and I was damn good at it.

Thinking about Edward made my soul hurt. The idea of never seeing him again after it took two long painful years to find him again, it was hard to imagine a life without him. I think I always knew he existed. I just couldn't make myself believe there was actually someone in this world who could love me like that. I was the one who didn't understand why he loved me. There was nothing special about me except him. He made me feel special. Oh god, he made me feel like I could do anything or be anything.

How could Charlie think that was wrong?

Man, I feel hot.

The dying question popped into my head again. Would dying be that bad? Who would miss me? Well, I knew Charlie would probably throw a party because his daughter was dead and not a member of the undead. Renee would be sad. Not that I talked to her a lot anymore. The occasional phone call was all I could handle. She asked too many questions. Alice would miss me and probably Rosalie, but they would move on with their lives and I would become a distant memory. Alice said she wanted to change. Would Jasper be willing to do that for her? I bet if I died his reluctance would magnify,but I'm sure Alice would win out in the end. She had a habit of not giving up. She could wear a person down with her relentless attacks and she wasn't ashamed to throw in a little old fashioned begging. Rosalie had never expressed interest in changing, but she seemed to spend an awful lot of time with Emmett.

I'd miss Alice. She had been my rock during this whole ordeal. I don't think I would have survived without her, even if she had all those freaky visions which would drive any normal human crazy. It was her idea to come to Portland. Don't tell Renee, but really Arizona State would have been fine with me. Alice kept shoving Portland in my face until finally I relented and decided I needed to get away from Renee. It took awhile to convince Charlie. I wonder if he knew Edward lived in Portland? It wasn't important anymore.

So, my death would truly only devastate one person. It was Edward's reaction that concerned me. However, he had survived our two year separation intact. I'm sure he could survive eternity if I didn't come back to him. The fool would probably blame my death on the whole I couldn't control myself and I drained my la tua cantante. Did I just giggle. That's not very nice, but it was kind of fun to tease Edward.

Unf...my heart hurt and I was burning again.

How long was this whole change or death thing going to take? This was not high up on my really fun things to do list.

Hey, I hear music. My mind whirled. Music had almost driven me to the brink before, but this was comforting. I suppose it was music that reminded me of Edward. He had used his music to express his feelings. Maybe I was standing at the gates of heaven and this was music to welcome me home. But this wasn't home for me. Home for me was with Edward, lost in his embrace. The coolness of his touch could ease my discomfort. I heard someone calling my name, but it was far away and I was tired. I didn't know if it was possible to bridge the distance.

I'm sure no one would mind if I rested for a bit. What is that noise? Obviously someone minds that I needed to sit for a spell. Ooooh, why is it so hot in here?

"Bella...Bella...I'm so sorry. I should have stopped sooner. Bella..."

That was Edward talking and he sounded like he was losing his shit again. I didn't want to have to convince him all over again that I loved him. Talk about an insecure vampire. We were going to have to work on that once I changed.

"Oh my god, shut the hell up Edward," I rasped.

**Edward**

"Bella," I shouted. "Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay?" She shifted in my arms, groaning with each movement.

"Well, no not really, but you do look better than you did a few minutes ago."

"You need to call Carlisle. I would fell better if he were here with you. Also, I would really like Carlisle to call Charlie because I'm feeling really vindictive and bitchy. I'm sure he won't, but if you could gently remind Carlisle that he was in on the deception as well and the asshole owes me."

"Er, sure Bella. Remind me not to piss you off," I said.

She whimpered and clawed at my chest. "Oh god, Edward, the burning is getting worse and I don't have the strength to keep talking to you, but please stop second and third guessing yourself. It really drives me nuts. Oh, and could you at least find my underwear and get me a t-shirt."

"Anything else," I asked before I gently brushed my lips against hers.

"Hey, no more of that shit right now. Look what happened last time," she chuckled softly. "I'm going to close my eyes now. See you on the other side."

"Yeah, see you on the other side," I murmured. I could feel a surge of heat rush through her body. I almost felt like I was burning. I sat holding her for a few more minutes, stroking her hair and talking softly to her before I decided to heed her advice. I needed Carlisle here to insure her safe passage into the world of the undead and Alice and Jasper should know what the fuck is going on as well.

I had promised to dress her before anyone came in so I searched around for her underwear. Unfortunately I found two pairs both laying on the bathroom floor soaking wet. And I'd ripped her shorts to shreds.

She was going to kill me, but at least she wouldn't be naked. I rummaged around in my drawers, dragging out a pair of my boxer briefs and a clean t-shirt.

"Jaz, could you get in here," I shouted. I didn't really need to yell, but it had the desired effect when Jasper and Alice came crashing through my door. Alice skidded to a stop and stared from me to Bella's lifeless form. Jasper was ready to start shouting but Alice put a hand on his arm to quiet him. She calmly walked to the bedside and picked up Bella's hand.

"She's still alive Edward," Alice said. "But the change has started. I think it would be wise to find Carlisle. We may need his help."

"I know she's still alive, but yes, I would like to call Carlisle. I've never seen anyone change and it's freaking me out a little bit," I stammered. "Jaz, how long does a change usually take?"

"Uh, two, three days. Depends on the venom really," he mumbled.

"I don't know if I can handle this shit for three days."

"Edward, Bella will be fine and so will I," Alice said. A cocky little grin slid into place as she bounced around the room. I wondered how much caffeine the girl had drank today.

I wasn't sure how Alice knew Bella would be fine but for now I was going to cling to her words. "Oh thank God...Wait, what do you mean _you_ will be fine?"

I looked from her to Jasper. Jasper looked like he wanted to become part of the wall.

"What the hell is going on," I asked.

Alice smirked at me and moved her hair aside so I could see the small holes in her neck. They were still dripping blood.

"I can already feel the burning starting," she said as she gazed lovingly at Jasper.

"Jeezus, Jasper," I hissed.

His head snapped up. "Fuck you Edward. I didn't know you were going to change Bella tonight. A few days ago you weren't even sure you wanted to be with her."

I growled. "I was _always _sure I wanted to be with her, I didn't think I _should _be with her. There's a fucking difference you asshole."

Jasper went to speak but Alice put a finger to his lips. "Look you guys can have a pissing match later okay. Right now it's about Bella and I suppose me. Jasper call Carlisle and tell him we need him here."

"Yes Ma'am," Jasper said.

Alice rolled her eyes. "And quit worrying. I've seen this before. At the time I didn't know what it meant, but everything is going to be fine. I remember the vision freaked me out because Bella and I looked dead but we were talking and laughing so I figured my dream just had bad lighting or terrible makeup," Alice snorted and then winced.

Jasper's hand shot out and grabbed her. "You should rest," he said tenderly.

She shook her head and moved closer to Jasper. "And you my sweet vampire, should finish what you started."

Jasper gave me a quick look. I just shrugged my shoulders. What was the difference between one girl changing or two? I'm sure Carlisle would be so proud of both of us. Actually I was pretty sure he was going to kill us, but what's done cannot be undone. The undead will rise again. Oh my fuck, I've turned into a silent horror film.

"Carlisle's on his way," Jasper said.

"And?"

"And nothing, he's coming home. He's not sure there's a lot he can do, but he would like to monitor their progress." Jasper shrugged his shoulders and helped Alice over to the bed.

Alice crawled across Bella's legs, settling in next to her and lacing her fingers with Bella's. Bella sighed and scooted closer to Alice.

"Bella's wearing some interesting night clothes," Alice giggled.

I chose to ignore her. Jasper walked around the bed, kneeling at the side and started to stroke Alice's arm.

"Edward, I need to ask a favor," Jasper said.

"What?"

"In order for the change to happen, I'm going to have to er, bite Alice again. I want you to pull me off her so I don't kill her."

I closed my eyes, shuddering a little. "Fine."

"I will do the same for you, "Jasper said quietly.

I knew I was going to have to drain more out of Bella. Obviously I hadn't taken enough since she had been able to talk to me minutes ago. The thought of taking more from her scared the shit out of me.

"Edward," Jasper's voice broke through my nerves, calming me. "It will be okay."

"Maybe we should wait for Carlisle," I said.

"No, he said the sooner the better. Prolonging it will only make the change worse."

I grunted. "Fine, but you go first."

Jasper raised Alice's head, whispering what I assume were sweet nothings into her ear. "Are you ready, darlin" he asked tenderly.

"I've been waiting for you my whole life and you're asking me if I'm ready?"

Jasper chuckled. "This may hurt a bit." He moved quickly, slicing into her tender skin. He groaned and I could smell and hear the blood pouring out of Alice. A few more seconds and I knew I had to stop him.

"Jasper," I growled, putting my hand on his shoulder. He snarled at me, clutching Alice tighter.

"Jasper," I shouted. "You're going to kill her. Jasper, let go!"

All I got was a muffled groan.

"JASPER, ENOUGH!" I shouted and yanked him off her. He glared at me, lost in his blood lust. I thought he was going to attack me, but I kept saying his name and telling him how much he loved Alice. Gradually the anger in his eyes faded and soon the crazed vampire standing in front of me was replaced by my brother.

"Holy fuck," Jasper said as he slid down the wall, licking his lips. "Sorry about that."

Jasper looked flushed and very sated.

"Uh, your turn, Edward."

"I-I don't know if I can do this," I hesitated moving back against the wall.

"Edward, Carlisle said you can't leave her like this. It's now or never. Plus you gave Bella your word."

I nodded and slowly moved to the bed where Bella lay. I bent over her, brushing my lips across her ear, whispering how sorry I was for the pain I was going to cause her.

"Just do it," she whispered hoarsely. "Bring me home Edward."

Yes, finish what I started.

**Bella**

Edward was being a pain in the ass but finally we arrived at the moment where I was going to give up my human existence. As his fangs dipped into my skin, I thought about all the things I was giving up. Food, breathing, er...oh god that feels...hot...my back arched and my memory seemed to fade away. I was heading down the black scorching hole again. I heard a loud scream and realized it was me. It sounded like an echo. All I could hear was the beating of my own heart and the thrumming of my blood being pushed around my body. Only I knew it wasn't my blood being shoved through my veins, it was Edward's venom and son-of-a-bitch it burned. I wanted to shriek but I decided that Edward was freaked out enough and didn't need to hear my cries for mercy. Instead I folded into myself and found a safe place in my head far away from the fire that was now consuming my flesh.

**Edward**

Carlisle made it home right as I finished with Bella. Jasper did not have to pull me from her, I knew when I had taken enough from her. Carlisle did not know if it would help the suffering Bella and Alice were in store for, but he quickly injected morphine into both women. I kept my fingers crossed that this would ease everything for Bella. I barely remembered my own change but I did remember the burning and I didn't wish that sort of pain on anyone, not even Charlie.

I told Carlisle about Bella's wish to contact Charlie, but Carlisle didn't think would be wise on our part. Both Bella and Alice would be terribly vulnerable for the next few days and he didn't want to do anything to risk their safety.

"So, what happens now," I asked.

Carlise pulled up a chair and sat down. "We wait."

Waiting...it was agonizing. Both Jasper and I spent several hours pacing until Carlisle glared at us and tried to throw us out of the bedroom.

"I will ban both of you from this room if you cannot keep it together. Alice is incredibly sensitive to her surroundings. I'm sure she can feel your apprehension. And you," he pointed at Jasper. "Are not helping at all. Instead of calming vibes I feel fear and self doubt."

"Sorry," Jasper muttered.

"Look I understand how important Alice and Bella are to you both. Changing isn't easy. Never has been, but this is what they chose, so either sit down or leave." Carlisle folded his arms over his chest almost daring us to do something stupid. Jasper dragged a chair to the bedside and sat down. I did the same and ran my fingers over Bella's hand. She was so hot. I bet she felt like her entire body was engulfed in flames.

This was going to be a long two or three days...

I lost track of time. The only movement from Bella and Alice was an occasional clenched fist or a grimace would float across their faces. It was hard for Jasper and me to watch the slow transformation. Every few hours Bella's heart would beat so fast and hard I thought it was going to pop out of her chest. Alice squeaked a few times and poor Jasper looked like her wanted to scream. It was incredibly frustrating not being able to do anything. I didn't enjoy sitting on the sidelines.

Eventually, I put some music on again. I knew Bella used to enjoy Muse so I thought maybe it would soothe her. Jasper cocked an eyebrow at me.

"You do know that Bella refuses to listen to music anymore."

"What? No...I mean I played piano for her the other night and she seemed to enjoy herself. She also turned on my stereo and we listening to Debussy."

"Really? We couldn't even have the radio on when we were driving up here from Portland."

"She seems okay for now, but I'll keep on eye on her and if she starts reacting to the music in a bad way, I'll shut it off."

Jasper nodded and went back to staring at Alice.

I chanced another quick touch of Bella's arm. Her skin felt colder, but I didn't dare leave my hand on hers too long. Any contact seemed to make her flinch and I didn't want to be the cause of any more pain. I'd put her through enough pain.

Carlisle came in every hour or so asking if we had noticed any physical changes. He was impressed that neither woman was screaming or writhing in pain. He was hopeful the morphine he injected was helping them cope with the pain. Only time would tell.

The days were morphing into one another and I was starting to get worried that Bella would never wake up again. Jasper was still sitting in the chair by Alice. His upper body was folded over the edge of the bed. He was as close to Alice as he dared be without actually touching her.

"Edward, something's happening. Alice's heart is freaking beating out of her chest." Jasper stood up. "Carlisle," he shouted.

"Calm down Jasper," I said. I doubt it helped.

Carlisle rushed into the room. It looked like he was going to start questioning us, but it would be hard not to notice Alice's erratic heartbeat. The sound had taken over the room.

"It will be over soon," Carlisle said quietly, going to stand by Alice. "She's dying."

I know it was necessary but it sounded so terrible, so final. I had to keep chanting in my head that it was only her human parts that were dying. She was transforming into a vampire. I let my eyes focus on Bella. Nothing had changed for her. Her heart, though not as strong, still beat in her chest. Her breathing was shallow but I could see the rise and fall of her chest. Her fingers clutched into tight fists and then her breathing stopped.

"Carlisle," I panicked. "Bella's quit breathing."

Alice's heart was going crazy and Jasper was beside himself.

"Bella," I shouted. "Carlisle what the fuck is wrong with her?"

"Edward calm down," he shouted.

To make matters worse we heard the front door open and Esme was arguing with someone. I zeroed my hearing in on the intruder. Holy fuck! I didn't think this could get any worse. We all stared as Charlie Swan tried to get into my bedroom. Jasper had jumped away from Alice and was blocking the door, growling at Charlie.

"Where the fuck is she," Charlie hissed.

"You are not welcome here Swan. I think it would be best if you left," Carlisle bristled.

"Where is my daughter?"

I didn't know what to do. Alice had curled up into a tight ball and Bella was still not breathing. This was not how I pictured Bella's change. I leaped over to the bed and pulled her into a possessive hold. She was mine and no one was going to take her from me. A low rumble started deep in my throat as Charlie made his way passed Jasper over to the bed. Jasper hissed and took hold of Alice who whimpered into his chest. Alice was slowly waking up and would need blood soon. This whole thing could turn really ugly with a newborn in the room.

Alice whimpered again. "Jasper you're crushing me."

"Uh, sorry darling," he said letting go of her. She slowly got off the bed taking in all her surroundings. She crouched and growled when she saw Charlie.

"You bastards changed Alice," he shouted.

Alice rolled her eyes. "It was my choice, dickhead."

Charlie sneered at her and turned back to Bella, slowly moving toward her. I jumped off the bed and blocked him.

"Get the fuck out of my way Edward," he glowered.

I pushed him and he flew into the wall.

"It doesn't take much to get a monster like you revved up. I only wish Bella were here to see you kill me."

"I have never nor will I ever want your blood on my hands, Charlie," I growled.

"Maybe you don't want my blood on your hands, but what vampire wouldn't want a little shot of fresh blood."

Charlie reached into his pocket withdrawing a small knife. He opened the blade and ran it down his arm. The smell of fresh blood filled my nose. I felt Jasper stiffen and Alice squeaked.

The only sound in the room was the thud of Charlie's blood as it dripped on the carpet. Before I could blink my eyes, Bella flew out of bed and pinned Charlie against the wall, her hand wound round his throat.

Holy fuck, that may have been the hottest thing I had ever seen. Bella as a vampire, growling and wearing nothing but my t-shirt and underwear. I had to force myself to think of the gravity of this situation or I would be sporting a full on woody. Not a good time for that.

"You dare come to this house and threaten my mate," she hissed.

So much for keeping that hard-on at bay. She just called me her mate.

"I came here to save your soul, but I see I'm too late," Charlie snarled.

"Your timing was never that great," Bella said. "But I have one question for you...not that it was your choice or anything but you must have known Edward was in Portland and yet you still let me come here...why?"

He squirmed a little under her grasp, but finally choked out a few broken words. "I didn't have a choice."

Bella stepped back, letting her arm fall to her side. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Perhaps we can help with that." Everyone in the room turned to see Esme and Renee standing in the doorway. Esme's arms were folded across her chest and Renee had her hands on her hips, glaring at Charlie. I watched as Bella's mother looked past Charlie and lovingly gazed at her daughter. Renee looked a little nervous, but Esme put a hand on her shoulder and pulled her into the room.

"You two were destroying our children," Esme hissed at Carlisle and Charlie. "I couldn't handle watching Edward suffer anymore and when I spoke with Renee all she could speak about was how lost Bella seemed."

Charlie made the mistake of opening his mouth, but Renee was in his face so fast it almost seemed she was a vampire. "You have no right to speak. You almost killed my daughter."

"Bella was all I had left and I couldn't protect her when she lived with me. When you left, you destroyed me. I was a broken man, Renee." He lowered his head. "You left me and I didn't understand why," Charlie was crumpling before our eyes. .

"I wasn't happy and neither were you. I was just in your life to fill a space. I don't think you know how to love anyone. You deserve to be alone, Charlie."

Bella stared at her mother. "But Mom, you fought me tooth and nail about this move."

"Well, at first I didn't know why you would want to go all the way to Portland, but then Esme called me and told me the whole horrible story. I felt so bad for you, but I didn't want you to be suspicious. I couldn't change my mind and agree with you all of a sudden. You would have known something was up."

"But...surely you didn't set all this up."

"No, Esme and I were trying to figure out how to bring you two back together. Fate intervened for us. You found each other on your own. I believe you were meant for each other."

Charlie snorted. "How can you believe that. He's a monster, he feeds on blood..."

Bella snorted. "Yes, Charlie and so do I and if you don't leave now I may be forced to make a snack out of you."

Jasper snickered, but quickly snapped his mouth shut when Esme shot him a look of disdain.

"If that's the best you can do," Renee growled. "And please wipe the blood off your arm. It appears no one is interested in snacking on you."

This time everyone laughed.

I was too stunned to say anything. Alice and Bella were amazing. I had never witnessed such control. I caught Jasper's eye and he shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. He had been around countless newborns and this was not how they were supposed to be reacting. There were currently two humans in the room and really, Bella and Alice should have attacked by now. Although I felt the anger and a bit of hate coming from Bella, I did not feel the driving hunger in her. Instead she radiated confidence and a calmness that was very eerie and a little unnerving. I could tell Carlisle was also in shock over their control.

Renee turned to Charlie again, jabbing him in the chest. "I feel sorry for you. You will never know true love. Call me pathetic, a hopeless romantic, but love is not meant to be so clinical. You can't control who you fall in love with. Bella didn't fall in love with a vampire, she fell in love with Edward and if you can't see that then you're dumber than I thought," Renee huffed.

"Look," Bella said. "This is weird and uncomfortable. Charlie your little scheming plan could have killed me, you ripped my world apart and I should kill you for what you put me through, but seriously, I'm not going to waste my time and effort on you anymore. I'm sorry you hate me for my choices, but it's over. You made it clear when you started all this two years ago that my life is not important to you, so let's just pretend your plan succeeded and I died. You are not a part of my life anymore," Bella shook her head. "Edward, I'm tired of this."

"Yes love," I said following after her. Bella placed a hand on Renee's shoulder and mouthed the words thank you.

"Be happy, my child," she said softly.

"I am, Mom."

Bella smiled shyly at my mother. "Esme, thanks for watching over Edward when I couldn't."

"No, thank you, for finally making him happy." Esme smiled and gave Bella a quick hug.

Esme held out her hand for me to take. I embraced her, whispering words of thanks for everything she had done for me.

"C'mon Alice, let's go see what or who's on the menu." Bella burst out laughing and disappeared down the stairs.

I would have to say this had been the weirdest afternoon in my entire life. It had taken us over two years to get to this point. The journey had been excruciatingly painful at times, but the reward was definitely worth it. I would have her until the end of my existence. The realization of that fact was slightly overwhelming and for a minute my legs felt like they were going to betray me.

"You okay, man," Jasper asked.

"Fuck yeah," I said. "Let's go catch them."

Jasper grinned at me and took off.

"Hey Bella, wait up," I shouted. I bounded down the stairs and out the door to catch up with my mate, my equal, my life...

**The End**

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**And so we come to the end of this journey. Thank you to everyone who stuck with the story. I was quite an interesting ride. As most of you know I do not write with an outline and I had no idea how I was going to end this story. Most of the time I know how I want the story to end but not this time. I hope I did the story justice. Thanks to everyone who rec'd, favorited and had alerts for this story. There are so many stories in the Twilight genre that I'm amazed anyone found this one. It had been an honor and a privilege to share my work with you. I'm outta here...Drizl **


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